Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    USA Today today, on its main web page, has a classic:
    Bar receipt led police to judge shooting suspects

    Getting past the image of a receipt leading some police by the hand ("Come this way!"). I first wondered why the police were judging the shooting of suspects ("I give it a 10!"), I then wondered whether it was the judge who was shooting the suspects (until the bar receipt led the police to the judge, of course).
  • I'd really like to know what was in those drinks.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    I'd really like to know what was in those drinks.
    Presumably, Barrister's Scotch.

  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Not a headline, but a comment in the local paper that had me scratching my head.

    It is dealing with the high volume of traffic on a residential street where vehicles sometimes exceed the speed limit.
    "The residents would like to see speed bumps which act like speed bumps and do not interfere with snow removal equipment"
  • Yes, wouldn't it be lovely if speed bumps would simply retract into the pavement on cue, not only for snow removal equipment but also for ambulances, fire trucks, police cars, etc.?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Personally, I can't stand speed bumps that don't act like speed bumps. Where is their pride? In my day, speed bumps were speed bumps. Not these namby-pamdy things they have these days.
  • Yeah, well... speed bumps really need to get their act together. I saw three of 'em in a bar last week instead of on duty where they belong. No sense of duty.
  • From "Wales Online": Traffic brought to 'standstill' in Newport city centre due to pigeon rescue.
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    A crack team of rescue pigeons swooped in to Newport clad in hi-vis and safety helmets. They closed off the main thoroughfare for public safety.

    Their ropes team in heavy duty safety gear, and utilising a specialised robotic arm, cautiously roped a cat where she was stuck on the branch of a tree, before their twelve-bird heavy lift team drew her carefully up through the canopy and lowered her safely to the pavement below.

    Taking her address from her microchip, a volunteer retired carrier pigeon notified her human, who arrived just in time to see her on the ground being released from bonds while distracted by a particularly deliciously odorous piece of fish.

    When you know the full story the headline makes perfect sense.
  • In fact: "Emergency services were called to High Street in Newport , after receiving reports that a bird had become stuck on a building spike. Firefighters and the RSPCA were able to rescue the pigeon using a ladder, causing traffic to come to a halt at around 6.50pm on Wednesday afternoon". Could it happen in any other country but Britain?
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    In fact: "Emergency services were called to High Street in Newport , after receiving reports that a bird had become stuck on a building spike. Firefighters and the RSPCA were able to rescue the pigeon using a ladder, causing traffic to come to a halt at around 6.50pm on Wednesday afternoon". Could it happen in any other country but Britain?

    Couldn't it just fly down?
  • Well, over here, Firemen pulled a fawn out of a sewer. A curious diversion from pulling rabbits out of a hat.
  • Can't access that link here. Was it Mr. Tumnus? And did it happen apres-midi?
  • Drat! Does this one work better? It's not the same incident but apparently fawns in sewers are more common than one would think.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    It's not the same incident but apparently fawns in sewers are more common than one would think.

    They would almost have to be.

  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    mousethief wrote: »
    In fact: "Emergency services were called to High Street in Newport , after receiving reports that a bird had become stuck on a building spike. Firefighters and the RSPCA were able to rescue the pigeon using a ladder, causing traffic to come to a halt at around 6.50pm on Wednesday afternoon". Could it happen in any other country but Britain?

    Couldn't it just fly down?
    I was thinking that.
  • On BBC News website today: Woman finds loaf full of bread crusts.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    What did she expect - Smarties?
  • From an air conditioner maintenance company's TV ad:

    Summer's coming. Bring your air conditioner back to life. (Limited time only.)

    That's the trouble with resurrection.
  • From BBC website (again): Merkel's plane dented by fan in van. I know that people want to stay cool, but this is ridiculous!
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    Is that like the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain?
  • On this morning's TV news:

    Basket carrying window washers swing wildly from top of tower

    Hey, I'd like to know what they had in those baskets. I'll bet it wasn't Windex!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    All I can say is, rather them than me!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2019
    From The Independent:
    Emu on the loose in Scotland after running away from care home
    While they may not have care homes for emus in Scotland after all, the real story isn't far off.

    Quite possibly, the emu worked as a doctor because, says The Independent, the owner 'had taken the emu to see patients' at a care home. One can only suppose that, confronted with the facts of human old age, the emu got very emu-tional, and is thought 'to have got through a hole in the fence', thus proving he probably wasn't up to the job in the first place.
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    Perhaps it will seek employment as a fence repairer.
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    The Express
    Wesley J wrote: »
    From The Independent:
    Emu on the loose in Scotland after running away from care home
    While they may not have care homes for emus in Scotland after all, the real story isn't far off.

    Quite possibly, the emu worked as a doctor because, says The Independent, the owner 'had taken the emu to see patients' at a care home. One can only suppose that, confronted with the facts of human old age, the emu got very emu-tional, and is thought 'to have got through a hole in the fence', thus proving he probably wasn't up to the job in the first place.

    I've heard of therapy animals, but an emu? Somehow it wouldn't seem to have the right attitude. Now sloths, sloths are chill.
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    Lyda wrote: »
    I've heard of therapy animals, but an emu? Somehow it wouldn't seem to have the right attitude. Now sloths, sloths are chill.
    Just wait till they take their "Therapy Emu" on a plane!
    :smile:



  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Pigwidgeon wrote: »
    Lyda wrote: »
    I've heard of therapy animals, but an emu? Somehow it wouldn't seem to have the right attitude. Now sloths, sloths are chill.
    Just wait till they take their "Therapy Emu" on a plane!
    :smile:
    Without wanting to derail the headlines thread - keep 'em comin', peeps! -, here's a take on just that! :D
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    One more go at the emu tangent - I can't think of emus without remembering this.

    Brits Of A Certain Age will understand!

    Now back to the headlines ...
  • Weird but also very sad: Vandals trash model railway show. See: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-48326572
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    A railway enthusiast friend in Northern Ireland posted about that on Facebook this morning. What on earth drives people to do such a thing? :cry:
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited May 2019
    I'm afraid there are such vandals around. They are the sort of people Nigel Farage, Carl Benjamin and Stephen Yaxley-Lennon alias Tommy Robinson seek to appeal to.
  • There's something fishy about this:

    Diners 'gutted' as Wales' AA restaurant of the year closes suddenly.

    Thank goodness for the inverted commas.
  • I've always heard that you really don't want to know what goes into the making of sausage. :hushed:
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    I've always heard that you really don't want to know what goes into the making of sausage. :hushed:

    "The making of laws is like the making of sausages—the less you know about the process the more you respect the result." (attributed to Otto von Bismarck)
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Friends of ours worked in a chicken processing factory when they were students, and were very chary about eating chicken after that ... :cold_sweat:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Pupils go to theme park instead of exam
    Not a creative form of school strike, as one might think, but a surprise by their school to take pressure off upcoming exams!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    What a brilliant idea - well done Mr. Bacon! :smiley:
  • And how cleverly done!
  • From the BBC: Holidaymakers hit as pound slides.

    It must be because of that horrible slippery plastic they're now using for banknotes.
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    From the BBC: Holidaymakers hit as pound slides.

    It must be because of that horrible slippery plastic they're now using for banknotes.

    That's still no excuse to go around hitting holidaymakers.
    :wink:
  • Ah, but are they objects or subjects; is the verb passive or active?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2019
    From the Guardian, a longer sub-heading:
    A recent study that tested both men and dogs added to concerns that chemicals in the environment are damaging the quality and quantity of sperm
    Tested both men and dogs?! A study done by extreme feminists? Or was it, like, 'well, the guy showed up with his dog, so hey, let's test both of them for a laugh'? Or one chap said, 'look, I can't come (sic!), I'll send my pooch, will that do'? - Weird!
  • A taste of too much midday sun, perhaps?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Whut, me or the Grauniad, or both? - Indeed a fair question. :D
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    And another one, this time from the Washington Post, and about our creationist friends (or foes); the WaPo writes that considerable fun has already been poked at it by several news outlets:
    Lawyers for Noah’s Ark theme park are suing its insurance company for rain damage
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    And another one, this time from the Washington Post, and about our creationist friends (or foes); the WaPo writes that considerable fun has already been poked at it by several news outlets:
    Lawyers for Noah’s Ark theme park are suing its insurance company for rain damage

    I saw this story - it is so hilarious.
  • Whatever floats your boat ...
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Whatever floats your boat ...
    That may have been the trouble ... :mrgreen:
  • Root strikes to leave Afghanistan four down - BBC.
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