USA Today today, on its main web page, has a classic:
Bar receipt led police to judge shooting suspects
Getting past the image of a receipt leading some police by the hand ("Come this way!"). I first wondered why the police were judging the shooting of suspects ("I give it a 10!"), I then wondered whether it was the judge who was shooting the suspects (until the bar receipt led the police to the judge, of course).
Yes, wouldn't it be lovely if speed bumps would simply retract into the pavement on cue, not only for snow removal equipment but also for ambulances, fire trucks, police cars, etc.?
Personally, I can't stand speed bumps that don't act like speed bumps. Where is their pride? In my day, speed bumps were speed bumps. Not these namby-pamdy things they have these days.
Yeah, well... speed bumps really need to get their act together. I saw three of 'em in a bar last week instead of on duty where they belong. No sense of duty.
A crack team of rescue pigeons swooped in to Newport clad in hi-vis and safety helmets. They closed off the main thoroughfare for public safety.
Their ropes team in heavy duty safety gear, and utilising a specialised robotic arm, cautiously roped a cat where she was stuck on the branch of a tree, before their twelve-bird heavy lift team drew her carefully up through the canopy and lowered her safely to the pavement below.
Taking her address from her microchip, a volunteer retired carrier pigeon notified her human, who arrived just in time to see her on the ground being released from bonds while distracted by a particularly deliciously odorous piece of fish.
When you know the full story the headline makes perfect sense.
In fact: "Emergency services were called to High Street in Newport , after receiving reports that a bird had become stuck on a building spike. Firefighters and the RSPCA were able to rescue the pigeon using a ladder, causing traffic to come to a halt at around 6.50pm on Wednesday afternoon". Could it happen in any other country but Britain?
In fact: "Emergency services were called to High Street in Newport , after receiving reports that a bird had become stuck on a building spike. Firefighters and the RSPCA were able to rescue the pigeon using a ladder, causing traffic to come to a halt at around 6.50pm on Wednesday afternoon". Could it happen in any other country but Britain?
In fact: "Emergency services were called to High Street in Newport , after receiving reports that a bird had become stuck on a building spike. Firefighters and the RSPCA were able to rescue the pigeon using a ladder, causing traffic to come to a halt at around 6.50pm on Wednesday afternoon". Could it happen in any other country but Britain?
Emu on the loose in Scotland after running away from care home
While they may not have care homes for emus in Scotland after all, the real story isn't far off.
Quite possibly, the emu worked as a doctor because, says The Independent, the owner 'had taken the emu to see patients' at a care home. One can only suppose that, confronted with the facts of human old age, the emu got very emu-tional, and is thought 'to have got through a hole in the fence', thus proving he probably wasn't up to the job in the first place.
Emu on the loose in Scotland after running away from care home
While they may not have care homes for emus in Scotland after all, the real story isn't far off.
Quite possibly, the emu worked as a doctor because, says The Independent, the owner 'had taken the emu to see patients' at a care home. One can only suppose that, confronted with the facts of human old age, the emu got very emu-tional, and is thought 'to have got through a hole in the fence', thus proving he probably wasn't up to the job in the first place.
I've heard of therapy animals, but an emu? Somehow it wouldn't seem to have the right attitude. Now sloths, sloths are chill.
I'm afraid there are such vandals around. They are the sort of people Nigel Farage, Carl Benjamin and Stephen Yaxley-Lennon alias Tommy Robinson seek to appeal to.
I've always heard that you really don't want to know what goes into the making of sausage.
"The making of laws is like the making of sausages—the less you know about the process the more you respect the result." (attributed to Otto von Bismarck)
A recent study that tested both men and dogs added to concerns that chemicals in the environment are damaging the quality and quantity of sperm
Tested both men and dogs?! A study done by extreme feminists? Or was it, like, 'well, the guy showed up with his dog, so hey, let's test both of them for a laugh'? Or one chap said, 'look, I can't come (sic!), I'll send my pooch, will that do'? - Weird!
And another one, this time from the Washington Post, and about our creationist friends (or foes); the WaPo writes that considerable fun has already been poked at it by several news outlets:
Lawyers for Noah’s Ark theme park are suing its insurance company for rain damage
And another one, this time from the Washington Post, and about our creationist friends (or foes); the WaPo writes that considerable fun has already been poked at it by several news outlets:
Lawyers for Noah’s Ark theme park are suing its insurance company for rain damage
Comments
Getting past the image of a receipt leading some police by the hand ("Come this way!"). I first wondered why the police were judging the shooting of suspects ("I give it a 10!"), I then wondered whether it was the judge who was shooting the suspects (until the bar receipt led the police to the judge, of course).
It is dealing with the high volume of traffic on a residential street where vehicles sometimes exceed the speed limit.
Their ropes team in heavy duty safety gear, and utilising a specialised robotic arm, cautiously roped a cat where she was stuck on the branch of a tree, before their twelve-bird heavy lift team drew her carefully up through the canopy and lowered her safely to the pavement below.
Taking her address from her microchip, a volunteer retired carrier pigeon notified her human, who arrived just in time to see her on the ground being released from bonds while distracted by a particularly deliciously odorous piece of fish.
When you know the full story the headline makes perfect sense.
Couldn't it just fly down?
They would almost have to be.
Summer's coming. Bring your air conditioner back to life. (Limited time only.)
That's the trouble with resurrection.
Basket carrying window washers swing wildly from top of tower
Hey, I'd like to know what they had in those baskets. I'll bet it wasn't Windex!
While they may not have care homes for emus in Scotland after all, the real story isn't far off.
Quite possibly, the emu worked as a doctor because, says The Independent, the owner 'had taken the emu to see patients' at a care home. One can only suppose that, confronted with the facts of human old age, the emu got very emu-tional, and is thought 'to have got through a hole in the fence', thus proving he probably wasn't up to the job in the first place.
I've heard of therapy animals, but an emu? Somehow it wouldn't seem to have the right attitude. Now sloths, sloths are chill.
Brits Of A Certain Age will understand!
Now back to the headlines ...
Diners 'gutted' as Wales' AA restaurant of the year closes suddenly.
Thank goodness for the inverted commas.
"The making of laws is like the making of sausages—the less you know about the process the more you respect the result." (attributed to Otto von Bismarck)
It must be because of that horrible slippery plastic they're now using for banknotes.
That's still no excuse to go around hitting holidaymakers.
Tested both men and dogs?! A study done by extreme feminists? Or was it, like, 'well, the guy showed up with his dog, so hey, let's test both of them for a laugh'? Or one chap said, 'look, I can't come (sic!), I'll send my pooch, will that do'? - Weird!
I saw this story - it is so hilarious.