Oh fuck. And Prilosec, not Nexium? I thought the latter was basically the same thing, but in racemic form, and therefore stronger... Hope the dinner is a good one.
I'm supposed to be on something stronger, but the pharmacy couldn't get insurance approval in time because holidays. So I'm on Prilosec for now.
Dinner was excellent. So was the concert. So was one friend's deep-dish apple pie after the concert, and another friend's Champagne.
And now I have lived to see another new year. Happy happy!
Never, repeat NEVER comment on how people's hair or baldness looks
You don't know what they're feeling, what they're hiding or what they are trying to put a brave face on
I did just this some while back, and was taken to task.
I learnt by my Error!
If the person her/himself makes some comment, well and good - a reply might then be called for.
One of the best experiences was my very first visit to the cancer centre, seeing lots of cheerful people in funny hats. I just smiled and didn't say anything, but I felt a lot better.
I mentioned a few pages back that my m-i-l, who's nearly 91, had to have a biopsy for a breast lump. It turns out it's an oestrogen-feeding cancer, so perhaps not the very worst sort, and she's been given oestrogen-suppressants and won't have to go through chemotherapy, but really, at her age it's the last thing she needs, and with her advancing Alzheimer's, I don't think she really fully understands what's going on.
Of course. so are some docs. A friend's 90-year-old father has been diagnosed with Stage IV kidney cancer and given a month or so to live. He's been ordered off to chemo: Why? Could it have anything to do with the fact that oncologists are often paid according to the treatments they prescribe?
He's been ordered off to chemo: Why? Could it have anything to do with the fact that oncologists are often paid according to the treatments they prescribe?
That kind of thinking gets none of us anywhere good
I just don’t understand the sense of ordering a terminally ill nonagenarian off to further suffering; just make him comfortable. But this is a small-town hospital in an area that is practically a medical desert, and this isn’t the first horrot story she’s told me.
Surely he has a choice? ISTM that forcing treatment such as chemo is tantamount to assault...
I've known of similar cases in the UK where the patient has been advised to have treatment, but has refused - in which case appropriate palliative care is provided.
Never, repeat NEVER comment on how people's hair or baldness looks
You don't know what they're feeling, what they're hiding or what they are trying to put a brave face on
I'm sorry if my attempt to make someone feel better was unintentionally cruel. I have learned my lesson, and I won't do it again.
My apologies to everyone, especially @Robert Armin .
My dear @AuthorDiva , please don't apologise. I was inviting laughter, and thought your response was entirely appropriate. Laughter is my preferred reaction to all this. (A friend recently commented that I was in the wars. My reply was that I saw it as lively horseplay.)
Full marks to you @Robert Armin for positive thinking...
Galilit's point applies, however - we don't always know how a well-meant jest, or remark, is going to be taken, so it behoves us to be careful, and sensitive.
I got my hair trimmed yesterday! It was my first haircut in a little over a year. It mostly needed shaping, which has now been accomplished. I feel much better. (And my hairdresser, whom I last saw when he drove to my house to shave my head last February - I don't count that as a haircut - gave me a big hug when he saw me.)
My dear @AuthorDiva , please don't apologise. I was inviting laughter, and thought your response was entirely appropriate. Laughter is my preferred reaction to all this. (A friend recently commented that I was in the wars. My reply was that I saw it as lively horseplay.)
Thank you, @Robert Armin . As Rossweisse says, however, it is best to be careful and sensitive to the possible feelings of others and to keep our witticisms to ourselves. I will do just that in the future.
For now, though, I am glad that you were able to take my remark in the spirit in which it was given and that you have chosen to fight cancer with humor. You get an A+ for positive thinking.
( @AuthorDiva, I've enjoyed jokes at the expense of my own baldness, but I saw another woman cry when she was the subject of a witticism. I just think it's best to be careful.)
Back on my drugs - took exactly 2 weeks off to get over the flu+pneumonia and get my gut and blood back to something acceptable to the medical Establishment Deo Gratias
Indebted to all for thoughts, prayers, candles and similar support
Why is the commonest metaphor for dealing with cancer to say you are "fighting" it? I go to the specialist, he tells me what he wants to do, I don't understand but say yes, and the treatment goes on. My involvement is remarkably passive, which is most unlike a fight.
I don't know, but I think it's because the worried well (including friends and relatives) really want to think there is more that you can do to affect the outcome--and so they choose language that implies it's largely up to you. Which I think is kind of sucky, to tell the truth. Unless you yourself like that metaphor. But nobody should be volunteered for pseudo-heroism, especially just to make other folks feel better.
I do feel as though I'm fighting it, and I do believe that if I'd given up sooner, I'd have been long dead. On the other hand, it's going to win - big duh - so it's hardly an evenly matched battle. Okay, kids; I've been kicking back against Stage III or IV cancer for more than nine years. How would YOU describe what I've been doing?
I was really fighty in 1996 - I had 3 little kids and I was only 40. It made sense then, both in terms of the situation and my "personality". (Pathetic excuse for, I hasten to add)
In 2009 I was "less so" as I was more aware of the support around me as well as knowledge and experience I'd gained from the previous episode
In 2018 - well, I got to the point of cancer being one of the defining aspects of my lifestyle. I recall saying to my oncologist "It's my job to bring myself to you in the best possible physical and mental condition to every appointment so the treatment you provide has the best chances of working on my body"
I care much less about The Outcome. (It's now "maktub"; meaning "already written" in Arabic). I am a biological entity first and foremost (and, as A Feminine Force would add '"in this incarnation"). At some point that biology will prevail over the Will to Live, the herbs and vitamins, everyone's thoughts, prayers, and candles.
I feel that referring to those dealing with cancer as "fighting" conveys a sense of the respect for the bravery and tenacity involved. "You are doing a hard thing" doesn't have the same ease of deployment.
The public discourse around cancer and war and fighting has changed significantly over the past 50 years. Partly as more people are living longer with or after cancer and partly because we have rejected a lot of military language and metaphor in the way we see, speak and describe "life"
On a different note, before my mum became seriously ill with Alzheimer's she set up Power of Attorney, which made helping her much easier when the time came. I'm wondering if I should do this, but I'm not expecting to go any more doolally than I am already. I'm not asking for legal advice, but wondering if the rest of you have thought about this and what you've done.
Right at the start of the Current Saga when things were "very unclear" in terms of the seriousness of my situation, I filled out a great long form re: Do Not Resuscitate, who was nominated to decide for me in case of incapacity, etc. It's valid for 5 years
Anecdote, as I am not the person with cancer; that was my dear husband. He (in the UK) had drawn up a financial PoA but not a health one. However, he had given the GP a signed letter saying any diagnosis and treatment could be revealed to and discussed with me. I had cause to be grateful for both even though he had mental capacity. There were occasions when he could not use internet/'phone banking or leave the house to deal with banks, financial advisers etc and others when I needed to take part in medical consultations when he had sudden and unexpected speech problems.
I feel that referring to those dealing with cancer as "fighting" conveys a sense of the respect for the bravery and tenacity involved. "You are doing a hard thing" doesn't have the same ease of deployment.
This. RooK puts it rather succinctly, I think, though YMMV.
Re Power of Attorney etc., no harm in discussing it with those likely to be concerned. Also the Do Not Resuscitate form (or, more accurately, Do Not Attempt to Resuscitate - it seldom works).
If you have a DNAR ticket, please tell your family - I know the distress which can be caused by an ambulance crew gently asking relatives if Dad has one, only to find that that's the first the relatives have heard of it...
And even when everyone in the family knows what "Dad" has asked for and signed the legal papers for, and even when you were one of the ones who signed the papers as a legal witness, the urge to intervene and have an IV or an antibiotic or whatever is incredibly strong. (Yes, I found myself reminding someone else of their role in that and reminding them, very gently, mind you, that Dad had asked not to and had very clearly made his wishes known in writing and that when they signed that paper, they were saying that they would witness his wishes. It was hard.)
Thanks for all of this. My thinking is complicated by the expense of setting it up (£400?) and not being sure of who to ask. I wouldn't want my sister anywhere near me when I'm ill; my nephew and neice are great, but they both live some way away.
It is expensive to do it through a lawyer. My dad did the financial power of attorney that way but the medical one was done for free by public health. It was a part of the paperwork when palliative home care was set up. I think it really does need to be someone who is nearby for that part.
Here's the details from the Government website @Robert Armin . It costs £82 for each I think. It cost a lot more than that when we set it up for my mother, but that was because she insisted on using a solicitor which you don't have to. Probably a good idea to do it, but tricky to decide who to ask to be your attorney.
I don't like the 'fight' analogy either. I once met someone who was very upset as a 'friend' had told her the reason her cancer had returned was that she hadn't fought hard enough.
I've arranged PoAs for people - printing the forms from the gov.uk website and filling them in is a lengthy but entirely straightforward process. Don't be scared of it. The most difficult part is finding non-related witnesses to verify you're doing this of your own free will. (The legal document, once enacted, has considerable authority.)
(eta - you do need someone who has your best interests at heart to act as your attorney, but they don't need to be a relative. It's usually best to pick two people who aren't a couple.)
@Robert Armin - if you're in any doubt, please consult a solicitor who specialises in this kind of thing. Taking advice off of randoms on the internet isn't known for its high success rate...
PoA is only active when you lose capacity. No reason not to fill out the forms now.
Just a caveat, since the Ship sails on water around the world: this is not universally true. A PoA is active here when it is signed (and there are a variety of reasons it can be good to give PoA to someone even though you’re competent), but in some instances becomes ineffective when the grantor loses capacity. To make sure that it is effective if you lose capacity, it must be Durable PoA, which has additional requirements. My wife and I had Durable PoAs, as well as DNR directives drawn up with our wills.
In other words, check the laws in your jurisdiction about how PoAs do and don’t work, because it can vary widely from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.
If I do it I would use a solicitor, and even then you can't be sure. I helped my mother take out Power of Attorney through a solicitor, and she paid the full whack. Some months later, when the Alzheimer's was beginning to bite, it emerged we'd only got the Financial one, and not the Medical. Luckily we were in time to get the extra bit put in place, but I was annoyed that we hadn't been fully informed the first time round.
Well, you know better now, which may be but cold comfort.
It's probably not a bad idea, if one can, to consult a friend, or a relative, who has had a good experience of a competent solicitor, and might like to recommend same.
Yes, a solicitor may cost more £££ in the first instance, but less grief in the long run.
Why is the commonest metaphor for dealing with cancer to say you are "fighting" it? I go to the specialist, he tells me what he wants to do, I don't understand but say yes, and the treatment goes on. My involvement is remarkably passive, which is most unlike a fight.
The comments say that we all see this differently, it seems. I told everyone that the person who did the fighting was the surgeon: like you, I felt I was little more than an interested spectator, admittedly with some investment in the outcome. Later, it was anything but a fight when the chemo went bad, and I was quite uninterested in living until they realised I couldn't take it. But after that it was a cruise until I found that chemo brain is real, and I was stuck with it.
A friend of our family had a tumor pop up in her left lung. This after apparently successfully beating colon cancer. Waiting pathology to see if it is related to the colon cancer or a new thing. She had a thoracotomy last Tuesday. Has anyone here had experience with the recovery from that operation?
I feel that referring to those dealing with cancer as "fighting" conveys a sense of the respect for the bravery and tenacity involved. "You are doing a hard thing" doesn't have the same ease of deployment.
Thank you. It is a battle; some days, it's a fight just to get up and get dressed. I know that I will lose the battle in the long run; I can postpone the inevitable, but I can't stop it. But I am making it work to get me.
Of course, anyone who told me that I'm dying because I didn't fight hard enough would discover that my tongue is still pretty sharp. That's not only rudeness on their part; that's being Unclear on the Concept.
...and that's the issue that makes some people refuse the metaphor. Too many assholes out there. I may be taking this one too personally because though I've never had cancer, I've had a bellyful of people telling me that if I only fought harder, I could defeat [name of any of several chronic health problems here]. Since I haven't defeated it/them, obviously I'm not doing it right or trying hard enough.
Anyway, sorry if I've offended anyone. It has to do with family history.
...and that's the issue that makes some people refuse the metaphor. Too many assholes out there. I may be taking this one too personally because though I've never had cancer, I've had a bellyful of people telling me that if I only fought harder, I could defeat [name of any of several chronic health problems here]. Since I haven't defeated it/them, obviously I'm not doing it right or trying hard enough.
Anyway, sorry if I've offended anyone. It has to do with family history.
" Or not having enough faith, or not praying hard enough."
I got bad news today: The study drug has stopped working. The liver mets have grown significantly since my November ScanFest. I knew this day would come, but I really thought it would come later.
The good news is that there is now another option: the study drug plus herceptin infusions. It's only been used on about a dozen people, but it's helped most of them. I hope I can be added to their number.
I'm to start as soon as we can get authorization for the addition of the herceptin. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.
Comments
Dinner was excellent. So was the concert. So was one friend's deep-dish apple pie after the concert, and another friend's Champagne.
And now I have lived to see another new year. Happy happy!
Very kind, but I have to charge. My agent insists.
I did just this some while back, and was taken to task.
I learnt by my Error!
If the person her/himself makes some comment, well and good - a reply might then be called for.
Sodding cancer.
Of course. so are some docs. A friend's 90-year-old father has been diagnosed with Stage IV kidney cancer and given a month or so to live. He's been ordered off to chemo: Why? Could it have anything to do with the fact that oncologists are often paid according to the treatments they prescribe?
That kind of thinking gets none of us anywhere good
I've known of similar cases in the UK where the patient has been advised to have treatment, but has refused - in which case appropriate palliative care is provided.
I'm sorry if my attempt to make someone feel better was unintentionally cruel. I have learned my lesson, and I won't do it again.
My apologies to everyone, especially @Robert Armin .
Galilit's point applies, however - we don't always know how a well-meant jest, or remark, is going to be taken, so it behoves us to be careful, and sensitive.
And (sometimes) silent!
Thank you, @Robert Armin . As Rossweisse says, however, it is best to be careful and sensitive to the possible feelings of others and to keep our witticisms to ourselves. I will do just that in the future.
For now, though, I am glad that you were able to take my remark in the spirit in which it was given and that you have chosen to fight cancer with humor. You get an A+ for positive thinking.
Deo Gratias
Indebted to all for thoughts, prayers, candles and similar support
But of course, that metaphor works for you. I'm not at all sure it worked for my sister.
In 2009 I was "less so" as I was more aware of the support around me as well as knowledge and experience I'd gained from the previous episode
In 2018 - well, I got to the point of cancer being one of the defining aspects of my lifestyle. I recall saying to my oncologist "It's my job to bring myself to you in the best possible physical and mental condition to every appointment so the treatment you provide has the best chances of working on my body"
I care much less about The Outcome. (It's now "maktub"; meaning "already written" in Arabic). I am a biological entity first and foremost (and, as A Feminine Force would add '"in this incarnation"). At some point that biology will prevail over the Will to Live, the herbs and vitamins, everyone's thoughts, prayers, and candles.
This. RooK puts it rather succinctly, I think, though YMMV.
Re Power of Attorney etc., no harm in discussing it with those likely to be concerned. Also the Do Not Resuscitate form (or, more accurately, Do Not Attempt to Resuscitate - it seldom works).
If you have a DNAR ticket, please tell your family - I know the distress which can be caused by an ambulance crew gently asking relatives if Dad has one, only to find that that's the first the relatives have heard of it...
I don't like the 'fight' analogy either. I once met someone who was very upset as a 'friend' had told her the reason her cancer had returned was that she hadn't fought hard enough.
(eta - you do need someone who has your best interests at heart to act as your attorney, but they don't need to be a relative. It's usually best to pick two people who aren't a couple.)
DT
HH
In other words, check the laws in your jurisdiction about how PoAs do and don’t work, because it can vary widely from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.
It's probably not a bad idea, if one can, to consult a friend, or a relative, who has had a good experience of a competent solicitor, and might like to recommend same.
Yes, a solicitor may cost more £££ in the first instance, but less grief in the long run.
The comments say that we all see this differently, it seems. I told everyone that the person who did the fighting was the surgeon: like you, I felt I was little more than an interested spectator, admittedly with some investment in the outcome. Later, it was anything but a fight when the chemo went bad, and I was quite uninterested in living until they realised I couldn't take it. But after that it was a cruise until I found that chemo brain is real, and I was stuck with it.
Of course, anyone who told me that I'm dying because I didn't fight hard enough would discover that my tongue is still pretty sharp. That's not only rudeness on their part; that's being Unclear on the Concept.
Anyway, sorry if I've offended anyone. It has to do with family history.
" Or not having enough faith, or not praying hard enough."
That's a good stress management technique, that is. Don't weaken!
We all need to lie around doing nothing sometimes. It's a good way to recharge our bodies and our minds.
The good news is that there is now another option: the study drug plus herceptin infusions. It's only been used on about a dozen people, but it's helped most of them. I hope I can be added to their number.
I'm to start as soon as we can get authorization for the addition of the herceptin. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.