I've been exhausted all Tuesday, but I'll attribute that to starting my new treatment on Monday, and having to waste a couple of hours (out of 5 1/2) sitting around waiting for a doc or a nurse or whatever. This cancer center does great work, but no one would ever accuse them of being efficient.
On Monday, I was told that I was just the third woman with triple-negative breast cancer (since it inconveniently mutated) to start this drug trial (out of a total of 18 of us, positive and negative). I feel quite the pioneer!
For me, it's the little things that get me. The current side effect of chemo is aggressive diarrhoea; I feel as though my insides have turned to liquid and are running away. This is actually a minor complaint, but it's not a barrel of laughs.
I haven't been on the forum of late due mainly to being unwell again but I want to thank everyone for their prayers, hugs, good thoughts, mojo, et al, on this journey. I have tried to continue the same for everyone here.
One interesting thing in my treatment is finding out that I'm part of the 1% or so of people who don't have any reaction to the injection of the dye used in CT scans. No flushing, heat or anything. That's kind of cool in some way. I'll take all the weird positive things I can!
Driving down into New York State today we drove under an enormous flock of small birds swirling above us. I'm sure I've never seen anything like it before. My first thought was, "It's the orneries!" And then, "They must have been ordered in for Rossweisse!"
Having had diarrhoea, I took the ultra powerful tablets I was given. My innards are no longer water, but I now have a crow bar in my gut, that stabs me every time I move. The fun never stops....
I see. I guess it's a case of striking a balance between intake of nourishment, and expulsion of waste matter, not helped (obviously) by the meds you've been given.
IANAD, but have you told your GP or consultant about this problem? Sorry if that's an obvious question, with an obvious answer. Are you able to take, and keep down, liquids?
(I observe that I'm falling into the Bad Habit of former healthcare professionals of not realising that patients often Know More, and Know Best!)
<votive> @idj @Robert Armin, it seems to be a choice between constipation and its opposite. I choose the less messy and unpredictable alternative, but neither one is satisfactory.
<votive> @idj @Robert Armin, it seems to be a choice between constipation and its opposite. I choose the less messy and unpredictable alternative, but neither one is satisfactory.
I'm with you. It does get awkward when I'm lying down and the cats decide to use my stomach as a trampoline to get to the back of the couch....
I suppose what I'm saying is that both diarrhoea and constipation are minor, every day, complaints, unlike cancer. But I'm still at the stage where I'm not aware of the cancer causing me problems; it's these little things that wind me up.
<votive> @idj @Robert Armin, it seems to be a choice between constipation and its opposite. I choose the less messy and unpredictable alternative, but neither one is satisfactory.
I'm with you. It does get awkward when I'm lying down and the cats decide to use my stomach as a trampoline to get to the back of the couch....
I suppose what I'm saying is that both diarrhoea and constipation are minor, every day, complaints, unlike cancer. But I'm still at the stage where I'm not aware of the cancer causing me problems; it's these little things that wind me up.
It's what those minor everyday complaints contribute to the larger picture that's the problem. But there are plenty of them to go around!
Big sympathy to both of you two. Liver pain sounds awful and creepy, and we all know that toilet problems are no laughing matter, although Jim Carey and those Bridesmaids made careers out of it.
I can barely remember Jim Carey In "Dumb and Dumber," but I knew the Bridesmaids would be on Youtube, with the cats (who own Youtube and probably love this clip.)
This evening I'm going for a scan, to see what effect my treatment is having; I'll get the results when I see my specialist on Monday. It does make me feel a bit nervous. Right now I'm feeling fine, and all my illness (like being wiped out last week) seem to be down to the treatment itself. In other words I don't feel seriously ill, and yet experts tell me I am and that my life expectancy may be severely limited. Having a scan forces me to face that possibility and it's a bit scary.
Since last posting I've read a bit of the Bible. Today was 2 Corinthians 1.9: "we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead". I found that very helpful. Why has no one ever told me that Paul was a cancer survivor?
I'm currently reading Tana French's The Witch Elm and came across this fine bit of writing about dumb things people say regarding cancer. This is at the get-together after Hugo's funeral. His brother is muttering angrily:
"Do you what I've lost count of? The number of people who asked about Hugo smoking. 'Did he smoke' 'But, but I thought he didn't smoke?' Which of course he didn't, not in the last twenty years at any rate, and anyway it wouldn't be remotely relevant if he had; this type of cancer isn't linked to smoking. It's just a, a, a, random vicious bastard. Hugo just had bad luck, a roll of the dice. But we're so desperate, aren't we, to believe that bad luck only happens to people who deserve it. People genuinely can't take it in that someone could die of cancer without bloody well smoking."
I love Tana French all the time but I love her more after that. Everyone asked me if my brother, who died of mouth cancer, smoked and not only did he not, ever, my other brother and I both smoked like chimneys for 25 years and we're doing fine. I hate all the Karma talk.
Did I do x or not? Did I do it right?
And stupid, irrelevant memories from the dim and distant past are often interrupting me.
And I am worried about the corona virus. (We have a busy tourist site on the Jordan River)
I am eating, sleeping, etc as usual. (Apart from having just discovered McVities HobNob biscuits yum, yum and nom, nom).
Nothing major is happening (that wasn't happening a week ago) and it's not the anniversary of anything personal
Although D. smoked (latterly only a few a day), the cancer that killed him wasn't in his lungs, mouth or throat; in fact they said the scans showed nothing on his lungs.
{{{ @Galilit }}}
{{{ @Robert Armin }}}
Cancer is the devil. I'm currently having problems with dizziness, nausea, headaches, and whatnot, and am being sent off for an MRI of my brain, in the hopes that it will allow the docs to figure out why. I feel like a pinball some days.
Comments
On Monday, I was told that I was just the third woman with triple-negative breast cancer (since it inconveniently mutated) to start this drug trial (out of a total of 18 of us, positive and negative). I feel quite the pioneer!
One interesting thing in my treatment is finding out that I'm part of the 1% or so of people who don't have any reaction to the injection of the dye used in CT scans. No flushing, heat or anything. That's kind of cool in some way. I'll take all the weird positive things I can!
Blessings to all!
Are you able to eat anything at all, @Robert Armin ?
IANAD, but have you told your GP or consultant about this problem? Sorry if that's an obvious question, with an obvious answer. Are you able to take, and keep down, liquids?
(I observe that I'm falling into the Bad Habit of former healthcare professionals of not realising that patients often Know More, and Know Best!)
@Robert Armin, it seems to be a choice between constipation and its opposite. I choose the less messy and unpredictable alternative, but neither one is satisfactory.
I'm with you. It does get awkward when I'm lying down and the cats decide to use my stomach as a trampoline to get to the back of the couch....
I suppose what I'm saying is that both diarrhoea and constipation are minor, every day, complaints, unlike cancer. But I'm still at the stage where I'm not aware of the cancer causing me problems; it's these little things that wind me up.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=PP9l4LP0WPI
Well, maybe nobody's yet made the connection, until you just did!
(Mind you, I was once told that Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' was actually Mrs Paul...
Can't say it better than that.
@Robert Armin.
#teamRossweisse
I love Tana French all the time but I love her more after that. Everyone asked me if my brother, who died of mouth cancer, smoked and not only did he not, ever, my other brother and I both smoked like chimneys for 25 years and we're doing fine. I hate all the Karma talk.
It's just an evil, horrible disease, and it makes no sense as to who gets it, and who doesn't in many cases.
Did I do x or not? Did I do it right?
And stupid, irrelevant memories from the dim and distant past are often interrupting me.
And I am worried about the corona virus. (We have a busy tourist site on the Jordan River)
I am eating, sleeping, etc as usual. (Apart from having just discovered McVities HobNob biscuits yum, yum and nom, nom).
Nothing major is happening (that wasn't happening a week ago) and it's not the anniversary of anything personal
I suppose it will "arise and fall away" ...
Bloody cancer.
Fuck cancer and all the unhelpful, ignorant attitudes around it. That Tana French quotation is so apt.
{{{ @Robert Armin }}}
Cancer is the devil. I'm currently having problems with dizziness, nausea, headaches, and whatnot, and am being sent off for an MRI of my brain, in the hopes that it will allow the docs to figure out why. I feel like a pinball some days.