Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    And by poaching, are they saying the tiger cooked him by submerging him in hot water?
  • Beats eating him uncooked, as tigers are wont to do with their meals, I'm told.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Mmm ... poached suspect with hollandaise sauce ... :grimace:
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    Piglet, I thought better of you. Beurre blanc, surely. :tongue:
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    edited June 2021
    Does it make a difference if there is something fishy about the suspect?
  • While tearing off the arm of some toff
    I may take a swipe at the caddy
    But when I do, I close my mouth when I chew
    'cause I ain't no uncouth baddy
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    And indeed, the tiger may well be a witness in any criminal proceedings.
  • Of course, if you overcook it, it might end up burning bright. Which would be a waste of a good tiger.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the Grauniad:
    US troops accidentally raid sunflower oil factory in Bulgaria
    Link. :D :D
  • Well shoo! Bulgarian sunflower oil was my favorite kind.
  • From "Wales Online": Man hospitalised after being impaled by railings. This to me suggests that sentient railings leaped out and impaled him, in the style of Vlad Dracul. Surely he was impaled on said railings?
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    edited June 2021
    Wesley J wrote: »
    From the Grauniad:

    US troops accidentally raid sunflower oil factory in Bulgaria
    Link. :D :D

    They slipped up there...
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    But all the problems were smoothed over.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    To every thing, there is a season(ing), as Ecclesiastes 3:3 suggests.
  • Again from "Wales Online": Restaurant boss created fake person to take the wrap for speeding ticket.

    Presumably it was a fajita or something similar?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Oops ...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Why was the ticket speeding? Was it in a hurry? It seems kind of the restaurant boss that he took the ticket's wrap because you shouldn't drive with food in your hands. This still doesn't explain the fake persona, though!
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Again from "Wales Online": Restaurant boss created fake person to take the wrap for speeding ticket.

    Presumably it was a fajita or something similar?

    ...or...https://mamalisa4.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/image.png
  • Of course!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    And there I thought a burrito was a small donkey ... how wrong can you be?
  • Very wrong. Don't you know the mnemonic for remembering the lines of the bass staff? No, it's not Great Big Dogs Fight Animals. It's . . .

    Good Burritos Don't Fall Apart
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    Burrito is indeed a little donkey. Wikipedia suggests the name for the dish comes from the fact that it carries a lot of different ingredients.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited June 2021
    I was cruising through some little church home pages in my diocese & ....its a good thing I didn't have a mouth full of liquid-
    continuing my little story: Church was writing about a service....and said this- music was provided by Mr. Ed
    (lastname)

    Any of you remember Mister Ed? Struck me funny.

    For people my age(born late 1960s), Mister Ed was one of those shows that was talked about after it had gone off the air, and was considered funny not because it was known to have clever jokes and whatnot, but simply because the concept seemed unintentionally goofy.

    (Caveat: Unlike, say, Gilligan's Island or Bewitched, Mister Ed was not syndicated in our market, and I'm assuming that was the same in most places: IOW by the 1980s, most young people were just hearing about it second-hand. If it was widely syndicated elsewhere, I'd be interested to hear about it. I do see on wikipedia that the show lasted six seasons, which is certainly a respectable run.)
  • cgichardcgichard Shipmate
    NSW flags desire for dedicated quarantine site
    Doubly puzzling because as an Australian state, New South Wales has no flag or flags of its own that could be deemed worthy of special quarantine status.
  • All the flags are quarantined -- that's why you think they don't have one. Even if they have to share their quarantine space with some other flags.
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Took me two cups of coffee to see the punctuation:

    From USA Today's morning headlines
    Kids to pack summer school; naked Philly bikers need to don masks; new infections reach pre-'pandemic' levels: Latest COVID-19 updates
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited June 2021
    And from the BBC: "Giant tortoise picked up by police". What, was it speeding?

    That's from Suffolk, where strange things seem to happen (I know, I lived there): Pre-school opens new play area with assault course and sensory garden (Ipswich Star). Obviously catering both for their tough and sensitive sides ...
  • MMMMMM Shipmate
    Not a headline, but in an article from a newspaper (fairly old) I was reading yesterday about the grave of an ancient chieftain: he was apparently buried in a cape decorated with plagues.

    MMM
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    And from the BBC: "Giant tortoise picked up by police". What, was it speeding?

    That's from Suffolk, where strange things seem to happen (I know, I lived there): Pre-school opens new play area with assault course and sensory garden (Ipswich Star). Obviously catering both for their tough and sensitive sides ...
    Those are both gems.

  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    'Monkey found at Cambuslang railway station reunited with family'

    After which they went off swinging happily through the dense jungles of southern Glasgow.

  • Firenze wrote: »
    'Monkey found at Cambuslang railway station reunited with family'

    After which they went off swinging happily through the dense jungles of southern Glasgow.
    I saw that about the marmoset yesterday and was very surprised it was still legal to keep a monkey in the UK. I’m very glad to say that it looks like the government is proposing a ban.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    edited June 2021
    And from the BBC: "Giant tortoise picked up by police". What, was it speeding?
    Maybe he was running the old shell game?
    Pre-school opens new play area with assault course and sensory garden (Ipswich Star). Obviously catering both for their tough and sensitive sides ...
    This one did literally make me laugh out loud. It's brilliant.

  • From a local newspaper in Ontario:
    'We are at a pivotal crossroad,' say citizens concerned about proposed Shingletown aggregate pit..'
    If someone could draw a picture of a pivotal crossroad, I'd love to see it.
  • PendragonPendragon Shipmate
    The actual tortoise story was quite amusing too.
  • From a local newspaper in Ontario:
    'We are at a pivotal crossroad,' say citizens concerned about proposed Shingletown aggregate pit..'
    If someone could draw a picture of a pivotal crossroad, I'd love to see it.

    Would this qualify?
  • From a local newspaper in Ontario:
    'We are at a pivotal crossroad,' say citizens concerned about proposed Shingletown aggregate pit..'
    If someone could draw a picture of a pivotal crossroad, I'd love to see it.

    Would this qualify?

    Exactly what I was thinking. That's a gorgeous photo, with the fog and snow and all.
  • MMM wrote: »
    Not a headline, but in an article from a newspaper (fairly old) I was reading yesterday about the grave of an ancient chieftain: he was apparently buried in a cape decorated with plagues.

    MMM

    Ouch! for a person with history in a country where smallpox-infected blankets were given to the indigenous people,* this one kind of stings.

    *with the acknowledgement that there are debates about whether this actually happened, whether it happened intentionally. In any case, it is part of our national narrative.
  • MMMMMM Shipmate
    edited June 2021
    My apologies, questioning, I hadn’t seen it as anything other than amusing and that is all that was meant. The burial was in Russia and about 2,000 or so years old.

    MMM

    Edited to add: I had meant to include that I had no idea.
  • From a local newspaper in Ontario:
    'We are at a pivotal crossroad,' say citizens concerned about proposed Shingletown aggregate pit..'
    If someone could draw a picture of a pivotal crossroad, I'd love to see it.

    Would this qualify?

    Excellent - thanks!
  • That's from Suffolk, where strange things seem to happen (I know, I lived there): Pre-school opens new play area with assault course and sensory garden (Ipswich Star). Obviously catering both for their tough and sensitive sides ...

    When I was trying to improve a primary school's pastoral care, one of the things I designed was a series of play areas down one edge of the playground, that broke up the area into bays, containing things like a sensory garden and assault course activities, rather than a wasteland of boys playing football with the non-football players stuck around the edges and/or crammed into inaccessible corners.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the WaPo; good luck, mate!
    Jewish theologian who questioned notions of an omnipotent, beneficent God dies at 97
  • MMM wrote: »
    My apologies, questioning, I hadn’t seen it as anything other than amusing and that is all that was meant. The burial was in Russia and about 2,000 or so years old.

    MMM

    Edited to add: I had meant to include that I had no idea.

    Please don't fret, @MMM. No offense taken.
  • From a local newspaper in Ontario:
    'We are at a pivotal crossroad,' say citizens concerned about proposed Shingletown aggregate pit..'
    If someone could draw a picture of a pivotal crossroad, I'd love to see it.

    Would this qualify?

    Excellent - thanks!

    Glad you approve :blush:
  • On the headline crawl of the ever-reliable NewsNet TV channel:

    Girl, 18, killed in house she moved into quarter century ago

    Um, isn't a quarter century 25 years?
  • On the headline crawl of the ever-reliable NewsNet TV channel:

    Girl, 18, killed in house she moved into quarter century ago

    Um, isn't a quarter century 25 years?

    That does indeed seem tricky.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I'm reminded of lines from Iolanthe by Gilbert and Sullivan, on why Iolanthe (a fairy, and thus immortal) can't be Strephon's mother:

    Her age upon the date
    Of his birth was minus eight
    If she's seventeen
    And he is five and twenty!
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited June 2021
    And of course there's Frederick in "Pirates of Penzance" who only has a birthday every four years ...

    Re the headline, perhaps it's inflation: centuries aren't worth as much as they used to be.
  • Not a headline, but in the same ball-park:

    I was watching a C4 series (very good) called "We Are Lady Parts". At the end, the announcer said "If you want to see more lady parts, go to More4".

    If I want to see more lady parts, I know precisely where to go. OOps - did I say that out loud?
  • Meanwhile, in the No Sh*t Sherlock department . . . again on the ever-reliable NewsNet:

    Mother and son treated by same doctor

    It isn't called Family Practice for nothing.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    ... If I want to see more lady parts, I know precisely where to go. OOps - did I say that out loud?
    Er, sort of yes. You did. :mrgreen:
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