Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • From "RailAdvent" (sorry): "TransPennine Express takes measures to reduce impact of leaves on line".

    So said leaves will fall more gently?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    But are they the right sort of leaves? :confused:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Perhaps they should start a Leaf Replacement Service. So, there's your suggestion. Take a leaf out of my book.
  • No. Once the leaves have been removed, they should not be replaced.

    (People sometimes laugh at "leaves on the line" but it's a serious issue. Some years ago a passenger train in south-east England skidded for over two miles on leaf mush before stopping. Fortunately it didn't hit anything. And the Rail Accident Investigation people have very recently published their report on a crash at Salisbury for which leaves were partially responsible: https://tinyurl.com/bdm2c42a ).
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    How do leaves have responsibility? Don't you have to be cognisant to be responsible for something?

  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited November 2023
    Very crafty, those leaves! Especially in Northern England.
  • Prolonging this tangent, the problem with leaves is exacerbated by at least two things, to wit, the unrestricted growth of lineside foliage (it used to be cut back severely), and the lighter weight of modern trains.
  • Indeed so. Not so much "lighter trains" but the prevalence of multiple-units rather than loco-hauled trains.

    Steam engines had two advantages: not only were they heavy but they threw out hot cinders which burned the vegetation (sometimes too much so!)
  • The problem with leaves is that they will fall on the line, and a train will go over them, crushing then to the track. Trains are reasonably heavy (doh) and crush them badly, and crushed carbon tends to turn into graphite - which is a lubricant.

    That process - however completely done - causes slipperly tracks.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited November 2023
    Exactly. And a damp or misty day doesn't help (really heavy rain tends to clean the railhead).
  • Prolonging this tangent further, Tom Rolt makes that very point in his wonderful book Railway Adventure, about the first two years of the Tal-y-Llyn Railway under preservation. The typical Welsh *soft day* made the rails slippery, a good downpour washed them clean.

    @Baptist Trainfan is quite right - there are far fewer locomotive-hauled trains in these End Times.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited November 2023
    I had the delight of travelling from Cardiff to Shrewsbury on a Real Train a fortnight ago. (Well, nearly - the locomotive was at the back).

    And I too was thinking of Rolt's book.
  • Not a headline, but a sentence on the BBC website ending an article on things that could impinge the next US presidential election: "We are in truly unprecedented territory, and even the best legal brains in the country are scratching their heads."

    Interesting anatomical comment!
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    "Low-flying helicopter sparks massive crocodile orgy in Australia"

    (The Metro)
  • Love it!
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Not a headline, but a sentence on the BBC website ending an article on things that could impinge the next US presidential election: "We are in truly unprecedented territory, and even the best legal brains in the country are scratching their heads."

    Interesting anatomical comment!

    The problems journalists have when they talk in clichés!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Not that weird a headline, but clearly by an utterly creative journalist, from The Spectator:
    Sacking Suella could sink Sunak
  • Headline on a TV news program:

    New allegations against Combs

    I'm so glad I keep my head shaved.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Headline on a TV news program:

    New allegations against Combs

    I'm so glad I keep my head shaved.

    Do you have enough to need shaving!
  • From "RailAdvent" (sorry): "Sheffield station has new cycle hub with maintenance facilities".

    What about the rest of the bike?
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Owner of two dogs shot dead by police given suspended sentence

    Obviously shooting dead a dog owner merits no more than a suspended sentence.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Or alternatively, that by order of the court, the late dog owner was nailed up on a door as a trophy.
  • Firenze wrote: »
    Obviously shooting dead a dog owner merits no more than a suspended sentence.
    "Defenestrating is too good for them! Throw them out the window!" -- Walt Kelly.

  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Firenze wrote: »
    Owner of two dogs shot dead by police given suspended sentence
    I must be missing something - I can't make sense of that headline at all. If the police shot the bloke's dogs, why did he get a suspended sentence?

    Also, why did the police shoot the poor dogs in the first place?

    :confused:
  • The dogs concerned were out of control and attacked someone else's dog in public. He apparently already had a ban from keeping pets.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited November 2023
    Not sure if those dogs were that concerned if they attacked someone's pooch. And what if they had attacked in private? But let's put an end to an overload of silly puns on this.
    Because look, here's a new one from the Daily Mail, clearly about extraterrestrials:
    Just Stop Oil protestors spared from road obstruction charges - as police arrested them while the green man was showing
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There's something rather Karmic about that ... :mrgreen:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    I wonder how Just Stop Oil protesters have their salad: just vinegar, no oil?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    <groan>
  • Not a headline, but a subcaption on one of our True Crime TV shows:

    Couple bragged about killing the victim several times

    I guess there is reincarnation after all, then.
  • A local newspaper in southern Ontario reports: A 33-year-old man was arrested and charged with mischief under $5,000 and public nudity. They go on to describe some display cases that had been damaged, but unfortunately, that was all they felt able to report. The incident occurred in a shopping mall.
  • Probably not worth $5000, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. :wink:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A weird headline from the 'too much information' category of the Washington Post:
    Romeo and Juliet, two elderly manatees, get a happy ending

    (BTW: Manatees Wiki entry)
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited December 2023
    Engaging and delightful creatures, but what did the headline actually mean ? Enquiring minds need to know...

    Perhaps they were finally able to restatees.

    I'll get me own coat.
  • Or maybe they now have life's necessitees...
  • From the ever-dependable "Wales Online: "The little-known magical Santa's grotto on the edge of the woods that parents are raving about". How can folk rave about it if they don't know about it?
  • I confess, I have never really given Santa's parents a thought. But they are entitled to rave about his grotto if they wish to.
  • Or about the woods.
  • BBC News: "Rishi Sunak to face Eat Out to Help Out grilling at Covid inquiry".

    Other modes of cooking were also available.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Hmmm ... grilled politician ... :flushed:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    I think it's nice of him to help out grilling.
  • From the "i": "Swede in court on espionage charge".

    Caught when trying to find out what those dastardly parsnips were up to?
  • No, no - 'tis those Evil Tarnips wot 'e woz after...
    Piglet wrote: »
    Hmmm ... grilled politician ... :flushed:

    🤢🤮

    No thanks...
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited December 2023
    No, no - 'tis those Evil Tarnips wot 'e woz after...
    Or mangelworzels.
    Piglet wrote: »
    Hmmm ... grilled politician ... :flushed:

    No thanks...
    Easy to chew though - no backbone.

  • Long-Lost Ship Found in the Desert Laden With Gold

    I don't need the ship; lead me to that desert!
  • It's a fascinating article, well worth reading...
  • On a local TV station headline crawl:

    Murder suspect faces second death penalty for alleged killing of cell mate

    You only live twice.
  • Will the penalties be carried out consecutively or concurrently?
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