Thank you for all your kind words. I'm back home now, and starting to get all the things organised that need to be organised.
My brother is coming up tomorrow, so I think it'll set in more when I see him.
A couple of months ago, Mum was having a lot of problems with her water supply. (Not for the first time.) We bought her an emergency back up supply of bottled water.
Today she has no water once more. And it turns out she didn't want the bottles of water we bought to "go to waste" just sitting in a cupboard, so she's drunk her way through them all.
Hope your mum's water supply is now working again @North East Quine. This happened to us once, when the next door cottage turned off their water supply and went away for the weekend. They didn't realise turning theirs off also turned ours off (the joys of Victorian building). Thames water came out with loads of bottled water for us. Worth contacting your mother's water board?
Things are chugging along here, mum's death was finally registered on Tuesday and the funeral booked, though the celebrant hasn't contacted me yet. Contacting one of mum's old friends was really interesting as she sent me a load of research she did on my grandfather.
Mum's water was only off for four hours, although Scottish Water have issued a warning that the valve-fix is temporary and there will be (another) planned proper fix soon, with the water off again then.
The valve-problem affects hundreds of houses each time, and Scottish Water seem to think it's quicker to try to fix it each time than to start distributing bottled water.
Mum's not online, so she relies on me to keep and eye on the online updates and let her know what's going on.
@Sarasa When we registered Dad's death, we found the Tell Us Once scheme was very efficient and a lot happened quickly after that.
I second that re Tell Us Once.
I have turned into the Aged Parent myself this week. I had to rely on my adult children for various bits of help, son to drive me to an appointment, daughter to change the bed and be on call in case I got stuck in the bath. I can’t believe how much a hand in a splint incapacitates me. It is so minor in the greater scheme of things. I can also now understand why some older people’s homes look messy and they have spills and stains. Although I am right handed, I had not realised how much one relies on the non- dominant hand eg to hold things steady whilst cutting or opening a bottle, hence spilt milk.
I hope you won't have to have your splint on for too long Puzzler and that your hand recovers well. I'm feeling a bit aged this week as last weekend husband and I were hit up the rear in my car at the traffic lights. A bit jolted and stiff, moving a lot more slowly than I would like. Hopefully by next week I'll have loosened up again, as I'm painting inside of the house and want to power on with that!
Mr. Lamb came back from his trip relieved to tell me that his sister is apparently not on the verge of death after all, and I can only conclude that their brother doesn't work with Alzheimer's patients as much as Mr. Lamb does and maybe panicked when he saw her. My stepdad has refused to travel to spend the holidays with us, which is both a relief and a sadness, because he is very likely imagining holiday scenarios that won't come true--because my brother is now permanently estranged from him (for reasons) and my widowed elderly brother-in-law and his newlywed son are the only two other relatives in the state. So it's likely to be the holidays alone for him, as he has refused both our invitations and those of his sister.
I confess to being mildly freaked because he is capable of blaming us for not hopping on a plane and coming out there (at an expense of at least 2 to 4 thousand dollars for the three of us), given that it's the first year since my mother's death. But there isn't a chance in hell we can afford it. I'm hoping he's going to be reasonable.
Nobody else in the family is allowed to die. Not for at least five years. I've said it, and they'd better all keep to it.
Nobody else in the family is allowed to die. Not for at least five years. I've said it, and they'd better all keep to it.
I'll say Amen!
We had a sad/funny thing just now. My daughter and I keep tabs on Dad with Ring cameras in his room when we can't be with him. So just a half hour or so ago, I had a lot of notifications of movement in Dad's room. When I checked, he had gone to get one of the CNAs (without using his walker!!) to get help removing one of the women from his bed! She is a very sweet Asian woman who has walked into Dad's room often and sat with me while I was talking with Dad. Knowing that this is common in memory care facilities, I figured there would be a time that she would just make herself comfortable in Dad's room, because I think she feels very safe there.
Among my acquaintances who have had family in memory care units, this is a common story. I still chuckle about the lady who crawled into my friend's mother's bed. F, who was the epitome of a kind and gracious Southern woman, kicked that lady until she finally left F's bed!
I guess the good thing with Alzheimer's is that Dad won't remember this incident.
Spent some of today visiting Mum in hospital - not the original plan for a day off!
The week before last, on her way back from a pre-op blood test, she came off her bike and thought she'd just badly wrenched her knee trying not to land on the shoulder that was about to be replaced. The planned shoulder op went ahead, healing ok, but the knee stayed bad. So on Saturday they went up to A&E. Turns out she's managed to crack the tibia, and has been walking about on a broken leg for a week! So she's been stuck in the hospital since then whilst the docs try to decide if there should be a plate put in or not. She's 78, does deadlifting, hillwalking, cycles most places (it's faster than driving in the cattle-crossing). I think her physical state is confusing them when they compare it to her age
Having just got down from a list work visit to the maternal Knotweed, I can add to that that she's had another x-ray and that the break is stable and healing. On top of that, it is just displaced enough that there is a fresh piece of cartilage engaging in her knee where there was worn out stuff before - so it could well give her a few more years from the knee joint! If they decide not to plate it, which now sounds likely, she could be home tomorrow.
Only one of that family could break a leg, and come out with a better knee than before they broke it...
Thanks @Sarasa . The shoulder op actually went ahead the day after the bike crash! It's worked nicely and she can now move that arm without wincing. Shoulder surgeon thought (as did Mum) that the knee was just torn ligaments, and arranged for an extra icepack on the knee afterwards, as well as the ones for the shoulder.
The hospital decided a bit after lunch today that Mum could go home They liked what the last X-ray looked like, so they don't want to see her until the fracture clinic in a few weeks time. This also means that the shoulder check-up/physio appointments later this week don't have to be re-scheduled.
Many a time, over the years, I knew of ministers who would eventually take a call to a congregation near where their parents lived because the parents were in failing health.
This past weekend, my son and daughter-in-law who had pastorates in Wisconsin, announced to their congregations, my son was taking a new call to Western Washington to be in camping ministry. Part of the reason, though, they wanted to be near their parents again.
Let me just say, neither set of parents are in failing health.
I had volunteered to help drive one of their cars back to Washington (planned drive middle of January). But my son, said. "Dad. it will be four days of hard driving in winter conditions. I would rather have one of my brothers help me."
I have a long history of driving in winter conditions. And I also know the route they are planning to take.
But, I guess I have to accept the inevitable. I am being put out to pasture. I am the aging parent.
Gramps I'm glad that you accepted his decision graciously.
The last time Dad visited me he wanted to drive over to the West Coast, (South Island NZ). Not a long drive, but tricky, through 2 Alpine passes. He had driven the road many years ago, but a new viaduct had been added which he wanted to see. I was reluctant to agree, especially as he had a long drive the next day. Rather than argue, I booked a train ticket for him, for him to travel to a small station on the other side of the Alps. A friend and I picked him up there, had a picnic lunch, and drove back to Christchurch.
He didn't say much when we got home to my place, but my youngest brother, who lived near him told me he often referred to it later.
I should imagine the train journey was lovely, Huia - I've only ever seen pictures of NZ on TV and film (it constituted by far the best bit of the Lord of the Rings films), but it does seem to be (as Jeremy Clarkson put it) "the prettiest country in the world". How nice would it be to be able to appreciate it without having to watch the road?
The only thing I have ever won in my life was a return trip on that train, and it was even better for Dad because the NZ Railways, as it was then, was where he served his apprenticeship and he kept up an interest in trains.
Rather in shock after a text from my stepfather, who said... well, I can't rightly say WHAT he said, he writes in a really convoluted style, but it appears that he thinks we are racist, and that is behind my parents' utter unwillingness to discuss anything at all about our work in Vietnamese ministry/mission for lo, these past 35 years. He says that it (whatever "it" is) is something that runs through everything we say and do, and when I suggested we talk so I could understand what his concern is, immediately said no, erase, delete (literally).
So now I'm left to wonder what the hell he and my late mother think/thought was wrong with us.
This came on in the middle of a light joking back-and-forth (well, I thought it was!) about noses, and specifically mine, which has been known to scare tiny Vietnamese babies who have never seen non-Vietnamese people before (being quite little). They reach out for it, tug, and then wail. I always thought of this as a cute anecdote, but apparently it flicked him on the raw. He dragged in his Mexican-Irish heritage, told me he was familiar with racism, and then got incomprehensible.
I don't know. He knows of course that Mr. Lamb IS Vietnamese, and obviously I married into it. I don't know if he thinks we are mistreating Vietnamese people, or conversely if he thinks we are race traitors, or even if he thinks we ought to be completely "color blind" and work toward some goal of making our congregation "More like us" (that is, mainstream American culture). In the past he has been a Trumpista.
Yesterday was quite a day, although all is well that ends well.
At 10.30 I got a phone call from the pendant alarm company to say that Mum had pressed her alarm button, and they'd phoned her but she hadn't answered her phone. As Mum only wears her pendant alarm in the house, I knew that if she'd pressed it, she was at home.
I phoned her. No reply.
I phoned my brother and sister-in-law, who live nearby - went to voicemail. I tried my brother at work - voicemail. I got hold of a receptionist, explained and she said she would track down my brother.
I phoned Mum again. No reply. I thought if she was lying injured, hearing the phone might help her know that we were on it.
I phoned my mother's next door neighbour. No reply.
I phoned a schoolfriend, who was on a day out with her mother, miles from home.
I phoned another schoolfriend, on the offchance she wasn't at work. It went to voicemail.
Finally my brother phoned and said he was at a meeting two hours drive from Mum.
My brother phoned the police to ask for a welfare check, and I tried the next door neighbour again.
Lovely neighbour was in! No, she didn't have a key. She headed round to Mum's house.
Neighbour phoned back to say Mum's car wasn't there! So Mum wasn't at home.
Almost immediately my brother phoned to say the police had done the welfare check very quickly and had also said the car wasn't there.
Second schoolfriend phoned back to say she was at work.
Mum, oblivious, returned from her shopping trip an hour later.
The mystery now is what happened? Mum said she hadn't put her pendant alarm on yesterday, because she was going out. And she was already out when the alarm was allegedly pressed.
In some ways it has been a good thing, because I thought that getting someone to check on Mum would be relatively straightforward. But of the five people who live nearby, none were immediately contactable / available. I'm going to type out a longer list of emergency contacts, and an actual plan in case this happens again.
Is it possible Lamb Chopped that your stepfather is beginning to show some early signs of dementia? Regardless, that message must have been very difficult to read. My heart goes out to you.
Thanks. I don’t know, he’s always been a bit odd, and spending 40 years with my mother and her opinions hasn’t improved things. I think he knows he’s overstepped though, he’s been sending me a lot of affectionate messages.
Yesterday was quite a day, although all is well that ends well.
At 10.30 I got a phone call from the pendant alarm company to say that Mum had pressed her alarm button, and they'd phoned her but she hadn't answered her phone. As Mum only wears her pendant alarm in the house, I knew that if she'd pressed it, she was at home.
I phoned her. No reply.
I phoned my brother and sister-in-law, who live nearby - went to voicemail. I tried my brother at work - voicemail. I got hold of a receptionist, explained and she said she would track down my brother.
I phoned Mum again. No reply. I thought if she was lying injured, hearing the phone might help her know that we were on it.
I phoned my mother's next door neighbour. No reply.
I phoned a schoolfriend, who was on a day out with her mother, miles from home.
I phoned another schoolfriend, on the offchance she wasn't at work. It went to voicemail.
Finally my brother phoned and said he was at a meeting two hours drive from Mum.
My brother phoned the police to ask for a welfare check, and I tried the next door neighbour again.
Lovely neighbour was in! No, she didn't have a key. She headed round to Mum's house.
Neighbour phoned back to say Mum's car wasn't there! So Mum wasn't at home.
Almost immediately my brother phoned to say the police had done the welfare check very quickly and had also said the car wasn't there.
Second schoolfriend phoned back to say she was at work.
Mum, oblivious, returned from her shopping trip an hour later.
The mystery now is what happened? Mum said she hadn't put her pendant alarm on yesterday, because she was going out. And she was already out when the alarm was allegedly pressed.
In some ways it has been a good thing, because I thought that getting someone to check on Mum would be relatively straightforward. But of the five people who live nearby, none were immediately contactable / available. I'm going to type out a longer list of emergency contacts, and an actual plan in case this happens again.
I can sense the panic in your story. I had a similar experience with my Mom when she was still alive.
I am wondering. You mentioned your mom had left the pendent at home when it went off. Could it be the pendant is programed to go off when it is not moved for so many minutes. Say if your mother blacked out and would have been immobilized. Just a thought.
Thanks, Gramps49. No, Mum often doesn't wear the pendant. She and I had an overnight trip to visit relatives in September and she didn't take it with her, because she was with me. That would have been 32 hours without wearing it. My brother took her to a funeral on Monday; she left it behind then and they'd have been out of the house for six hours.
Mum's generally relaxed and casual about wearing it. We're trying to encourage her to wear it more often. On Wednesday she said she hadn't even put it on, because she was going out and there was "no point" in putting it on if she knew she'd be taking it off again a couple of hours later. (sigh)
I was in a panic. Temperatures were around zero, and the worst case scenario was that she'd fallen outside, going to the wheelie bin or something, and was lying with a broken hip on frozen ground.
Instead, she'd driven into town and was making her merry way round the shops.
A friend has told me they had a similar situation with her aunt - the alarm appeared to have been pressed when it definitely hadn't, so there must be some glitch that makes this possible.
I've probably related this tale before, but humour me ...
Dad had a "button" which was rigged up in some way with either the local hospital, or a cousin who had a spare key to the house, or both. When he got a little bit tiddly at my niece's wedding (in Edinburgh), my brother and brother-in-law got him settled into his hotel room for the night and asked if he'd be OK. "Oh yes, I'll be fine - my button's on the dining-room table."
Some basic information about these devices:
- most of them are set up with a speaker unit so that they can ask if you are all right. The call centre has your contact details and the arrangement is either that they call friends/relatives if the button is pressed or that they will send an emergency response (you need to decide what you want the initial response to be, and it may be a higher cost for the service if you want them to visit). Their emergency response will visit the property, let themselves in with a key safe (so they will need to know the code and location if you want this service) and get the person of the floor and ensure they’re ok. If the person can’t be safely lifted or appears unwell they will contact friends/relatives and call an ambulance if needed.
- The alarm will work in the person’s house and often as far as the garden but that’s the limit.
- if they can’t contact you and you’re not there when they arrive, they tend to ring relatives.
- They aren’t generally set up to trigger alerts if unused for a while. It is possible to set that up if you want (e.g. ask the call centre to call once a week). If you have a relative who wears the device but hasn’t used it for ages, it’s a good idea to try pressing the button occasionally while you’re there, just to check it works and the call centre responds - once they say “Hello Mrs X, it’s community alarm, are you all right?” just tell them you’re testing the alarm and they’ll close the call.
- Some services offer other devices, e.g. a falls sensor (activated by a sudden drop, so may be useful if the user wouldn’t press a button) or a bed occupancy sensor (this can be set up to alert the call centre if, for example, the person’s bed is left unoccupied for more than 30 minutes between the hours of 10pm and 7am).
I think Mum is on the lowest level of service re her pendant alarm; she's mobile, active, still driving and hasn't had any previous falls.
The pendant alarm company have confirmed that Mum didn't press the alarm, but there was a glitch in the system on Wednesday. They explained what had happened to my brother, who told me. I don't really understand it, but perhaps something got lost between their explanation to my brother and his explanation to me.
I think it's been a blessing in disguise, because Wednesday showed up that we weren't as organised as we thought. Mum's only spare key was on my brother's key-ring, 100 miles away. He's now had another two cut, so one will be in his house, one on his key ring, and the third with her next door neighbour. He and I have added the next door neighbour's number to our phones - I just had it written in my address book, and my brother didn't have it at all.
I'm going to get the contact details of another neighbour.
I've said before that my brother is more risk-averse than me when it comes to Mum, and he thinks key-safes are "risky" and doesn't want Mum to have one. I'm not going to fall out with him over that.
Let me know if you want more information about the pros and cons of different types of keysafes - I don’t want to bore everyone on the thread unnecessarily!
Thank you @Aravis. My brother is very risk averse when it comes to Mum. I can foresee a time coming when we disagree over something, but I don't want that time to be now. So if he says "key safes are risky, I don't want Mum to have one" I'm not going to argue the point.
It's not just Mum, actually, he has a generally darker view of the world that I do, and a darker view of what's safe and not safe.
My mother in law suddenly took a turn for the worse a few days ago (she’s had palliative care for a couple of months but had improved after the first week) and died on Christmas morning at 7.45am. It was a very strange Christmas. Father in law is mostly coping (he is a stoic Yorkshireman).
Comments
May she rest in peace. She had a great innings and you have been a most attentive daughter.
My brother is coming up tomorrow, so I think it'll set in more when I see him.
This site might be helpful.
Today she has no water once more. And it turns out she didn't want the bottles of water we bought to "go to waste" just sitting in a cupboard, so she's drunk her way through them all.
Hope her water is back on soon.
Things are chugging along here, mum's death was finally registered on Tuesday and the funeral booked, though the celebrant hasn't contacted me yet. Contacting one of mum's old friends was really interesting as she sent me a load of research she did on my grandfather.
The valve-problem affects hundreds of houses each time, and Scottish Water seem to think it's quicker to try to fix it each time than to start distributing bottled water.
Mum's not online, so she relies on me to keep and eye on the online updates and let her know what's going on.
@Sarasa When we registered Dad's death, we found the Tell Us Once scheme was very efficient and a lot happened quickly after that.
I have turned into the Aged Parent myself this week. I had to rely on my adult children for various bits of help, son to drive me to an appointment, daughter to change the bed and be on call in case I got stuck in the bath. I can’t believe how much a hand in a splint incapacitates me. It is so minor in the greater scheme of things. I can also now understand why some older people’s homes look messy and they have spills and stains. Although I am right handed, I had not realised how much one relies on the non- dominant hand eg to hold things steady whilst cutting or opening a bottle, hence spilt milk.
I confess to being mildly freaked because he is capable of blaming us for not hopping on a plane and coming out there (at an expense of at least 2 to 4 thousand dollars for the three of us), given that it's the first year since my mother's death. But there isn't a chance in hell we can afford it. I'm hoping he's going to be reasonable.
Nobody else in the family is allowed to die. Not for at least five years. I've said it, and they'd better all keep to it.
I'll say Amen!
We had a sad/funny thing just now. My daughter and I keep tabs on Dad with Ring cameras in his room when we can't be with him. So just a half hour or so ago, I had a lot of notifications of movement in Dad's room. When I checked, he had gone to get one of the CNAs (without using his walker!!) to get help removing one of the women from his bed!
Among my acquaintances who have had family in memory care units, this is a common story. I still chuckle about the lady who crawled into my friend's mother's bed. F, who was the epitome of a kind and gracious Southern woman, kicked that lady until she finally left F's bed!
I guess the good thing with Alzheimer's is that Dad won't remember this incident.
The week before last, on her way back from a pre-op blood test, she came off her bike and thought she'd just badly wrenched her knee trying not to land on the shoulder that was about to be replaced. The planned shoulder op went ahead, healing ok, but the knee stayed bad. So on Saturday they went up to A&E. Turns out she's managed to crack the tibia, and has been walking about on a broken leg for a week! So she's been stuck in the hospital since then whilst the docs try to decide if there should be a plate put in or not. She's 78, does deadlifting, hillwalking, cycles most places (it's faster than driving in the cattle-crossing). I think her physical state is confusing them when they compare it to her age
Only one of that family could break a leg, and come out with a better knee than before they broke it...
This past weekend, my son and daughter-in-law who had pastorates in Wisconsin, announced to their congregations, my son was taking a new call to Western Washington to be in camping ministry. Part of the reason, though, they wanted to be near their parents again.
Let me just say, neither set of parents are in failing health.
I had volunteered to help drive one of their cars back to Washington (planned drive middle of January). But my son, said. "Dad. it will be four days of hard driving in winter conditions. I would rather have one of my brothers help me."
I have a long history of driving in winter conditions. And I also know the route they are planning to take.
But, I guess I have to accept the inevitable. I am being put out to pasture. I am the aging parent.
The last time Dad visited me he wanted to drive over to the West Coast, (South Island NZ). Not a long drive, but tricky, through 2 Alpine passes. He had driven the road many years ago, but a new viaduct had been added which he wanted to see. I was reluctant to agree, especially as he had a long drive the next day. Rather than argue, I booked a train ticket for him, for him to travel to a small station on the other side of the Alps. A friend and I picked him up there, had a picnic lunch, and drove back to Christchurch.
He didn't say much when we got home to my place, but my youngest brother, who lived near him told me he often referred to it later.
The only thing I have ever won in my life was a return trip on that train, and it was even better for Dad because the NZ Railways, as it was then, was where he served his apprenticeship and he kept up an interest in trains.
So now I'm left to wonder what the hell he and my late mother think/thought was wrong with us.
This came on in the middle of a light joking back-and-forth (well, I thought it was!) about noses, and specifically mine, which has been known to scare tiny Vietnamese babies who have never seen non-Vietnamese people before (being quite little). They reach out for it, tug, and then wail. I always thought of this as a cute anecdote, but apparently it flicked him on the raw. He dragged in his Mexican-Irish heritage, told me he was familiar with racism, and then got incomprehensible.
I don't know. He knows of course that Mr. Lamb IS Vietnamese, and obviously I married into it. I don't know if he thinks we are mistreating Vietnamese people, or conversely if he thinks we are race traitors, or even if he thinks we ought to be completely "color blind" and work toward some goal of making our congregation "More like us" (that is, mainstream American culture). In the past he has been a Trumpista.
My head hurts. And my heart, a bit.
At 10.30 I got a phone call from the pendant alarm company to say that Mum had pressed her alarm button, and they'd phoned her but she hadn't answered her phone. As Mum only wears her pendant alarm in the house, I knew that if she'd pressed it, she was at home.
I phoned her. No reply.
I phoned my brother and sister-in-law, who live nearby - went to voicemail. I tried my brother at work - voicemail. I got hold of a receptionist, explained and she said she would track down my brother.
I phoned Mum again. No reply. I thought if she was lying injured, hearing the phone might help her know that we were on it.
I phoned my mother's next door neighbour. No reply.
I phoned a schoolfriend, who was on a day out with her mother, miles from home.
I phoned another schoolfriend, on the offchance she wasn't at work. It went to voicemail.
Finally my brother phoned and said he was at a meeting two hours drive from Mum.
My brother phoned the police to ask for a welfare check, and I tried the next door neighbour again.
Lovely neighbour was in! No, she didn't have a key. She headed round to Mum's house.
Neighbour phoned back to say Mum's car wasn't there! So Mum wasn't at home.
Almost immediately my brother phoned to say the police had done the welfare check very quickly and had also said the car wasn't there.
Second schoolfriend phoned back to say she was at work.
Mum, oblivious, returned from her shopping trip an hour later.
The mystery now is what happened? Mum said she hadn't put her pendant alarm on yesterday, because she was going out. And she was already out when the alarm was allegedly pressed.
In some ways it has been a good thing, because I thought that getting someone to check on Mum would be relatively straightforward. But of the five people who live nearby, none were immediately contactable / available. I'm going to type out a longer list of emergency contacts, and an actual plan in case this happens again.
I can sense the panic in your story. I had a similar experience with my Mom when she was still alive.
I am wondering. You mentioned your mom had left the pendent at home when it went off. Could it be the pendant is programed to go off when it is not moved for so many minutes. Say if your mother blacked out and would have been immobilized. Just a thought.
Mum's generally relaxed and casual about wearing it. We're trying to encourage her to wear it more often. On Wednesday she said she hadn't even put it on, because she was going out and there was "no point" in putting it on if she knew she'd be taking it off again a couple of hours later. (sigh)
I was in a panic. Temperatures were around zero, and the worst case scenario was that she'd fallen outside, going to the wheelie bin or something, and was lying with a broken hip on frozen ground.
Instead, she'd driven into town and was making her merry way round the shops.
A friend has told me they had a similar situation with her aunt - the alarm appeared to have been pressed when it definitely hadn't, so there must be some glitch that makes this possible.
Dad had a "button" which was rigged up in some way with either the local hospital, or a cousin who had a spare key to the house, or both. When he got a little bit tiddly at my niece's wedding (in Edinburgh), my brother and brother-in-law got him settled into his hotel room for the night and asked if he'd be OK. "Oh yes, I'll be fine - my button's on the dining-room table."
The dining-room table in Orkney ...
- most of them are set up with a speaker unit so that they can ask if you are all right. The call centre has your contact details and the arrangement is either that they call friends/relatives if the button is pressed or that they will send an emergency response (you need to decide what you want the initial response to be, and it may be a higher cost for the service if you want them to visit). Their emergency response will visit the property, let themselves in with a key safe (so they will need to know the code and location if you want this service) and get the person of the floor and ensure they’re ok. If the person can’t be safely lifted or appears unwell they will contact friends/relatives and call an ambulance if needed.
- The alarm will work in the person’s house and often as far as the garden but that’s the limit.
- if they can’t contact you and you’re not there when they arrive, they tend to ring relatives.
- They aren’t generally set up to trigger alerts if unused for a while. It is possible to set that up if you want (e.g. ask the call centre to call once a week). If you have a relative who wears the device but hasn’t used it for ages, it’s a good idea to try pressing the button occasionally while you’re there, just to check it works and the call centre responds - once they say “Hello Mrs X, it’s community alarm, are you all right?” just tell them you’re testing the alarm and they’ll close the call.
- Some services offer other devices, e.g. a falls sensor (activated by a sudden drop, so may be useful if the user wouldn’t press a button) or a bed occupancy sensor (this can be set up to alert the call centre if, for example, the person’s bed is left unoccupied for more than 30 minutes between the hours of 10pm and 7am).
The pendant alarm company have confirmed that Mum didn't press the alarm, but there was a glitch in the system on Wednesday. They explained what had happened to my brother, who told me. I don't really understand it, but perhaps something got lost between their explanation to my brother and his explanation to me.
I think it's been a blessing in disguise, because Wednesday showed up that we weren't as organised as we thought. Mum's only spare key was on my brother's key-ring, 100 miles away. He's now had another two cut, so one will be in his house, one on his key ring, and the third with her next door neighbour. He and I have added the next door neighbour's number to our phones - I just had it written in my address book, and my brother didn't have it at all.
I'm going to get the contact details of another neighbour.
I've said before that my brother is more risk-averse than me when it comes to Mum, and he thinks key-safes are "risky" and doesn't want Mum to have one. I'm not going to fall out with him over that.
It's not just Mum, actually, he has a generally darker view of the world that I do, and a darker view of what's safe and not safe.