After not seeing Dad since Christmas Day, I was able to spend some time with him this afternoon. For many years, he would tell me how lucky he is that he had no pain at all. Today, I lightly touched his right arm and he winced and moved away. His right shoulder hurts a lot these days. Two years ago, he had x-rays done because the shoulder was hurting then. It's nothing major, but it's arthritis which in my experience can be excruciating at times. He worries because he's been pain free for most of his life and now can't remember that this is a new normal thing for him.
It's just not fair that he can't remember and has this worry to add to all the rest he's going through. Poor Daddy-O.
Today, he also asked me if I had talked to his cousin Carl recently. Carl died decades ago. He also asked if I had talked to my mother recently. I honestly could say no, but that I had talked to his other cousins and his brother within the past couple of weeks. It's almost the first anniversary of Mom's death. Part of me wonders if he'll go to be with her that day.
Mum uses a walking stick. At home she also has a four wheel zimmer-with-a-tray thing she uses for taking hot drinks / anything spillable between rooms. The zimmer-with-a-tray is a mobility aid, but Mum is using it as a supported tray, rather than a mobility aid.
When she visits Marks & Spencer / some other shops, she parks in the multi-storey attached to one end of a shopping mall, then has to walk the whole length of the mall to get to M&S. She feels she now needs more than her walking stick for this. She's looking at a lightweight three wheel walking aid which can be folded and kept in the boot (trunk) of her car.
My brother is discouraging this. He says that the lightweight foldable ones with three wheels are unstable and not safe. However, Mum thinks she might struggle getting the "better" heavier four wheel ones in and out of her boot.
Does anyone have any experience? I'm in favour of her getting a lightweight three-wheeler, because I think that being able to access M&S is good for her. My brother is more risk averse and would, I think, feel that the loss of trips to M&S is less important than Mum being "safe."
Mum uses a walking stick. At home she also has a four wheel zimmer-with-a-tray thing she uses for taking hot drinks / anything spillable between rooms. The zimmer-with-a-tray is a mobility aid, but Mum is using it as a supported tray, rather than a mobility aid.
When she visits Marks & Spencer / some other shops, she parks in the multi-storey attached to one end of a shopping mall, then has to walk the whole length of the mall to get to M&S. She feels she now needs more than her walking stick for this. She's looking at a lightweight three wheel walking aid which can be folded and kept in the boot (trunk) of her car.
My brother is discouraging this. He says that the lightweight foldable ones with three wheels are unstable and not safe. However, Mum thinks she might struggle getting the "better" heavier four wheel ones in and out of her boot.
Does anyone have any experience? I'm in favour of her getting a lightweight three-wheeler, because I think that being able to access M&S is good for her. My brother is more risk averse and would, I think, feel that the loss of trips to M&S is less important than Mum being "safe."
I don't have personal experience, but a lady with reduced mobility (due to a disability) has been using a three-wheeled foldable aid in all the years since I moved to my current location, and I often see her on the bus (including getting on and off with it), and around the nearby town. It does not seem unstable, has a brake, and seems to give her the freedom to go wherever she wishes.
Before she died, my Mum had a four wheeled zimmer she was encouraged to use to keep some mobility (including taking short walks on the street). She found it cumbersome, and probably didn't use it enough.
Based on those second-hand experiences, if it was my Mum today, I would be more concerned with her maintaining mobility for her health and quality of life, rather than having concerns about the utmost degree of safety. My Mum's shrinking freedom in her later years was a great sadness to her - and to me.
I think I agree with you @North East Quine. It's your mum that's going to have to get it out of the car and back in it at the end of her shop after all. I'd make sure it is as lightweight as possible. My MiL had one that she used in the garden and it was rather on the heavy side compared to the lightweight four-wheeled zimmer frame she used in the house.
Sorry to hear about your dad @jedijudy. When my mother asked if I'd seen her parents recently I said non very recently, but they were fine when I had seen them. I just didn't point out that 'not very recently' was fifty years before. I'm not very good at lying and that was more or less the truth.
Apologies for the drive-by posting, but I wanted to reply to @North East Quine . We were able to take my mother to a mobility centre where she could try various models of walkers under the supervision of trained staff. So she could try out the folding and lifting to make sure she could actually manage it. Then the staff made sure she knew how to walk with the different models (there was one which ran away ahead of her!). Can you access anything similar, which might ease your brother’s mind?
A local friend also advises checking that the movement of the lighter aid does not jar the user’s hands and arms; she found her first one painful.
If you're interested in buying or renting walking aids or other mobility aids, it's worth discussing your options with your GP, an occupational therapist or physiotherapist.
The mobility shop near me allows customers to try out aids in the shop, ensures they are the right height and weight for the buyer and discourages customers from buying anything unsuitable. I know not all such shops are as honest, but it may be a short cut worth taking if there is a considerable delay in getting an appointment with a GP or OT.
My second- hand experience also suggests that three- wheelers can be perfectly safe.
Unless your mum has an imminent OT appointment for anything else, you’ll be waiting months for an assessment for this - if it meets their criteria at all (I would have thought this was more physio actually). So yes, do go to a mobility shop!
Some good news. Mum's broken leg has finally healed up enough that she can drive 🙂 She drove to my brother's earlier this week to child-mind (and puppy-watch) whilst he was on a conference call, and is driving to the college Burns Night tonight so that Dad can have a dram. Not cycling yet, although she's using her static bike setup, apparently still a bit tricky. The shoulder replacement is bedding in as it ought according to the consultant.
Found out yesterday that my mother's cancer has entered its terminal phase. Secondaries have been found in her liver, and all treatment stopped because it is not doing as much good as it is harm in the form of horrible side effects. I am scared, and so is she. I'm seeing my parents tomorrow, in Southwold. Prayers for us all would be very welcome.
It was a good day - clearly on a cushion of prayer. Mum seemed more relaxed than when I last saw her, quite possibly because the side effects of the chemo are wearing off. Now, of course, there are a whole series of shoes to drop........
It was a nice day here, today, so I took Dad out in his wheelchair to get a bit of air. The entrance to the facility where he lives has a seating area which a lot of the residents use on good days.
He's not understanding much anymore, but today I really think he knew who I was! Sunday, he did not, which is to be expected.
The facility nurse and I talked a bit today. She confirmed my observations that Dad's dementia is accelerating. He's very tired and sleeps a lot.
I'm feeling pretty blue today, which is natural I guess.
Deep sympathy. My father went through the same process and it was very hard for us until we recognised that he had no idea that things weren't as they had been. What was difficult for the family was when he stopped recognising grandchildren. That was not an overnight change. He was physically comfortable and in reasonable general health for someone his age.
Thinking of you @jedijudy, I had been wondering how he has been. When my Dad was ailing, we used to enjoy just sitting in the sun together, even if we weren't chatting. Just being companionable together and holding hands is lovely
Dad and I were in more physical contact than we're used to last week. I mentioned elsewhere on the forum that we scattered Mum's ashes. As part of it I had to get Dad over a muddy field and across a wet beach. The next day I made something of an error and took him on a long walk across a different rocky beach and up a steep rocky little hill. I'm glad he doesn't weigh more - I was holding him up and catching him (missed once!) quite a lot. But he enjoyed it, my sis and all the grandkids were there, and - is he ever going to get the opportunity to do it again? I hope he keeps some of it as a memory.
Thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts and for your hugs and kind words! My sister (useless) and brother-in-law visited Dad yesterday. I think they finally understand what I've been trying to tell them about Dad's life as it is now.
Having just come back from a holiday in Malta I hate rocky walks with a passion. Well done for navigating your father safely through those walks. Something for you all to remember. @jedijudy, glad your sister has visited your dad and has an idea of how things are. Thinking of you and your dad.
I'm just back from a couple of days with my brother to celebrate what would have been mum's 96th birthday by scattering her ashes off the pier in her home town. We also went to look at where she was born and for lunch in the village where my dad was stationed in the RAF. A really good way to spend some quality time with my brother and to commemorate my mum.
@Sarasa, that sounds like a lovely way to remember your Mother!
Dad is starting to be violent, which really breaks my heart. While I was with him yesterday, he came about two inches from kicking the aide who was trying to help him put his shoe on. When Dad was able to think fairly clearly, he would have been shocked and horrified to know this was in his future.
Oh JJ, I'm so sorry - as a friend in Newfoundland used to say, there are some things that are worse than dying. Prayers ascending for you and your dad (and his carers).
Oh @jedijudy, that's heartbreaking for you. I am sure the Carers understand that it's part of the illness and not anything to do with your Dad, but so hard to observe for you. Sending a virtual hug. The staff of care homes are heroes in my book
Dad was transported to one of the Hospice Houses on Wednesday. He is transitioning right now. I got deathly ill with gastroenteritis early yesterday morning, and couldn't go see him yesterday or today. Of all the times to get an intestinal virus!!
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It's just not fair that he can't remember and has this worry to add to all the rest he's going through. Poor Daddy-O.
Today, he also asked me if I had talked to his cousin Carl recently. Carl died decades ago. He also asked if I had talked to my mother recently. I honestly could say no, but that I had talked to his other cousins and his brother within the past couple of weeks. It's almost the first anniversary of Mom's death. Part of me wonders if he'll go to be with her that day.
I am looking for advice.
Mum uses a walking stick. At home she also has a four wheel zimmer-with-a-tray thing she uses for taking hot drinks / anything spillable between rooms. The zimmer-with-a-tray is a mobility aid, but Mum is using it as a supported tray, rather than a mobility aid.
When she visits Marks & Spencer / some other shops, she parks in the multi-storey attached to one end of a shopping mall, then has to walk the whole length of the mall to get to M&S. She feels she now needs more than her walking stick for this. She's looking at a lightweight three wheel walking aid which can be folded and kept in the boot (trunk) of her car.
My brother is discouraging this. He says that the lightweight foldable ones with three wheels are unstable and not safe. However, Mum thinks she might struggle getting the "better" heavier four wheel ones in and out of her boot.
Does anyone have any experience? I'm in favour of her getting a lightweight three-wheeler, because I think that being able to access M&S is good for her. My brother is more risk averse and would, I think, feel that the loss of trips to M&S is less important than Mum being "safe."
I don't have personal experience, but a lady with reduced mobility (due to a disability) has been using a three-wheeled foldable aid in all the years since I moved to my current location, and I often see her on the bus (including getting on and off with it), and around the nearby town. It does not seem unstable, has a brake, and seems to give her the freedom to go wherever she wishes.
Before she died, my Mum had a four wheeled zimmer she was encouraged to use to keep some mobility (including taking short walks on the street). She found it cumbersome, and probably didn't use it enough.
Based on those second-hand experiences, if it was my Mum today, I would be more concerned with her maintaining mobility for her health and quality of life, rather than having concerns about the utmost degree of safety. My Mum's shrinking freedom in her later years was a great sadness to her - and to me.
So I agree with you.
Sorry to hear about your dad @jedijudy. When my mother asked if I'd seen her parents recently I said non very recently, but they were fine when I had seen them. I just didn't point out that 'not very recently' was fifty years before. I'm not very good at lying and that was more or less the truth.
A local friend also advises checking that the movement of the lighter aid does not jar the user’s hands and arms; she found her first one painful.
The refers to a Which? webpage which among other things says
My second- hand experience also suggests that three- wheelers can be perfectly safe.
He's not understanding much anymore, but today I really think he knew who I was! Sunday, he did not, which is to be expected.
The facility nurse and I talked a bit today. She confirmed my observations that Dad's dementia is accelerating. He's very tired and sleeps a lot.
I'm feeling pretty blue today, which is natural I guess.
@mark_in_manchester, that sounds like a memory to treasure!
@jedijudy, glad your sister has visited your dad and has an idea of how things are. Thinking of you and your dad.
Dad is starting to be violent, which really breaks my heart. While I was with him yesterday, he came about two inches from kicking the aide who was trying to help him put his shoe on. When Dad was able to think fairly clearly, he would have been shocked and horrified to know this was in his future.
I should be able to be with Dad tomorrow.