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Saying Good Bye to Close Friends

Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
edited November 2024 in All Saints
Tonight, I received word that one of my first friends in ministry has died. Tom and I started out in a small town in SD. He was the new minister at a Presbyterian Church just as I began my ministry at a Lutheran Church. His wife was the new minister at a Methodist church. Turned out my wife and she became pregnant at the same time. Our daughter was born a week before their son. We shared a lot with each other over the two years we were in the community.

I was already a reserve officer in the Air Force. My friend decided to become a chaplain in the Army reserves. Once he was accepted by the Army, I had the privilege of administering the oath to him. He went on much further in the Army than I did in the Air Force.

We lost contact with each other over the years, but thanks to Facebook we reconnected. I cannot remember who reached out first, but it was good to reminisce about the good old days and share what happened to our kids. I knew he remarried, but I did not know what happened to his first wife. Turns out she died two years ago, actually about the time we had reconnected.

Tonight his daughter posted on his facebook page he had died. Seems like he developed a painful disease in the past year. He talked about his warranty expiring. A month ago, he alluded to being in a long term facility.

Same thing happened to one of my older cousins about a month ago. Another cousin extended an invitation for all of us to have a reunion next year. He replied his traveling days were over. A week later, his daughter informed all of the relatives he had died.

Both people were key friends at important parts of my life, and now they are gone. Yes, there is grief. It is like part of my foundation has crumbled a bit.

I post this only to encourage everyone to reach out to old friends, connect with them, share what you can while you can; because, other they or you will be gone much too soon.

Comments

  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Not to administrator--actually wanted to put this in All Saints. Please move over, thanks.
  • RuthRuth Shipmate
    That's rough, @Gramps49. I'm glad you were able to reconnect with your friend before he died.
  • Cheery GardenerCheery Gardener Shipmate
    Thinking of you @Gramps49, your reflection is a really important one. I've been thinking of this a bit lately, not sure why
  • mark_in_manchestermark_in_manchester Shipmate
    Thanks, @Gramps49 . It's a good reminder, and I am sorry for your loss.

    This song comes to mind. The singer (if I remember rightly) is a minister in the Church of Scotland. I used to hear them at the Greenbelt festival.

    'All of these beloved, asleep beneath our feet; ghosts who guard our past - as we live on.'
  • mark_in_manchestermark_in_manchester Shipmate
    (It's the Scottish Episcopal Church. Oh well, close).
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    Thank you @Gramps49 . I am sorry for your losses.

    The recent threads about friendship on the Ship have prompted me to think about mine and I have two or three which go back decades but we live a long way from each other and are only occasionally in touch (picking up where we left off when we do connect). I feel I need to be more intentional about them going forward.
  • NicoleMRNicoleMR Shipmate
    I have a friend from college days that I've written about on the cancer thread and the prayer thread, who has terminal pancreatic cancer and has forgone chemo for palliative care only. Another college friend and I went to see him last month. He's very peaceful about it, he's reached the stage of acceptance, but I'm going to miss him a lot.
  • The_RivThe_Riv Shipmate
    Sorry for your loss, @Gramps49, and thanks for the prod to reach out to our own friends.
  • CathscatsCathscats Shipmate
    When I was regularly taking funerals it often struck me as sad that the friends who had often been a daily part of the deceased’s life, sometimes for many years, had no recognition while the family, however distant, made all the decisions and got all the sympathy. Friends are important.
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Thank you all for your support. Got word last night that a high school classmate is not doing well. We were never friends--I was a prep, he was a hood. Another one I connected with over the last few years, though.
  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    I’m so sorry, Gramps. That’s a lot all together.

  • RoseofsharonRoseofsharon Shipmate
    I will be eighty next year. All the friends of my youth are older than me, some close to a decade older. I feel gratitude, and some surprise, that so far only two of my closer friends have died, and the spouse of a third.

    For the past couple of years I have anticipated the avalanche of funeral notifications to start dropping through my letterbox - if I don't depart first. No-one has admitted serious ailments so far, but then who want to pass on gloomy news? So we keep communication infrequent and light.
    However, there is no denying that these times are overshadowed by possibility edging towards probability, and it is as well to prepare our hearts, as best we may, for working through some sadness.
  • ChastMastrChastMastr Shipmate
    🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯
  • CathscatsCathscats Shipmate
    @Roseofsharon, I remember when my Grandmother was about your age. She had lived all her life in the lovely town of St Andrews, where she was a member of several groups and organisations. The number of funerals she felt she should attend was getting her down, so she decided that her rule of thumb would be that unless it was a close friend she would attend one funeral a month. In my then youthful innocence I asked her “How will you decide which one, Granny?” She gave me a look which clearly said “numpty” and answered, “The first one of course.”

    I have no idea if she stuck to her rule!
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