Any "recovering Pharisees" here? How do I join the 12-step programme?
Foolish Hoon
Shipmate Posts: 27
in Epiphanies
I've been doing some thinking / reading over the past year or so about the Pharisees as presented in the NT, and how it seems that they sincerely believed they were doing God's will, whilst simultaneously doing the opposite (straining out gnats and swallowing camels etc). I'd started to notice how we (well not me of course, but other people) in the church are very often like the Pharisees in their self-righteousness. A sermon on the healing of the paraplegic might focus on the friends, or the healed man as a way of encouraging us to bring our problems to Jesus, but rarely would the sermon turn the spotlight on the attitude of the religious onlookers, and challenge the congregation about their legalism / heartlessness. (One great moment of irony, which I think I have mentioned on these boards before, was when a man in my congregation prayed aloud "I thank you Lord that we are not like the Pharisees..."!)
But now, in a marvellously doubly-ironic twist, I discover that I am in fact perhaps just like a Pharisee too. Not really a surprise, I suppose, but very humbling.
I am on the horns of a dilemma whereby I cannot let go of some views I have long held (for fear that they are the right views) but which I am no longer entirely comfortable holding. I am at war with myself, and I don't know how to get past it. Really, I have been in a process of changing my mind about this for around 30 years. It's a situation where what you think in theory turns out not to be what you necessarily want to see in practice, and now I have come to a point in life where the practical application of the old views is brought to bear, so it's decision time.
I can't speak to people who still hold the views, because they will say I am going wrong.
I can't speak to people who don't hold the views, because they will say I am a dreadful person for ever thinking such a thing might be true.
Nobody, it seems, doesn't have a view on this issue. Apart from me, who does have a view that I wish I didn't have.
I am scared of letting go of the long-held views and being in the wrong. I have realised that being right is of enormous importance to me. And maybe this is because I have a lot of pride in my intellect, or maybe it is because I think understanding what God wants of us is paramount. Maybe both these things are true. Along with realising I have a problem with being right, I am very uncomfortable saying "I don't know". Is the cognitive dissonance just me coming to terms with how far up my own arse I actually am? What do I need to do to get to a place of peace?
Also, a wider question: can we ever help what we believe? I make a point of reading widely and variously in order to inform my views, but sometimes I find that I've read too much and I can't make up my mind what to think anymore. What do I do about that?
I've got no idea if the above makes any sense to anyone. I have avoided stating what the issue is, for not wanting to end up in a discussion about it. I always appreciate the range of viewpoints and the robust style of discussion on the Ship, but I would appreciate some gentle guidance towards a resolution, as I am feeling very fragile and quite desperate.
But now, in a marvellously doubly-ironic twist, I discover that I am in fact perhaps just like a Pharisee too. Not really a surprise, I suppose, but very humbling.
I am on the horns of a dilemma whereby I cannot let go of some views I have long held (for fear that they are the right views) but which I am no longer entirely comfortable holding. I am at war with myself, and I don't know how to get past it. Really, I have been in a process of changing my mind about this for around 30 years. It's a situation where what you think in theory turns out not to be what you necessarily want to see in practice, and now I have come to a point in life where the practical application of the old views is brought to bear, so it's decision time.
I can't speak to people who still hold the views, because they will say I am going wrong.
I can't speak to people who don't hold the views, because they will say I am a dreadful person for ever thinking such a thing might be true.
Nobody, it seems, doesn't have a view on this issue. Apart from me, who does have a view that I wish I didn't have.
I am scared of letting go of the long-held views and being in the wrong. I have realised that being right is of enormous importance to me. And maybe this is because I have a lot of pride in my intellect, or maybe it is because I think understanding what God wants of us is paramount. Maybe both these things are true. Along with realising I have a problem with being right, I am very uncomfortable saying "I don't know". Is the cognitive dissonance just me coming to terms with how far up my own arse I actually am? What do I need to do to get to a place of peace?
Also, a wider question: can we ever help what we believe? I make a point of reading widely and variously in order to inform my views, but sometimes I find that I've read too much and I can't make up my mind what to think anymore. What do I do about that?
I've got no idea if the above makes any sense to anyone. I have avoided stating what the issue is, for not wanting to end up in a discussion about it. I always appreciate the range of viewpoints and the robust style of discussion on the Ship, but I would appreciate some gentle guidance towards a resolution, as I am feeling very fragile and quite desperate.
Comments
*Example to make it easier for me to talk about the concepts. Let's not got distracted by the example.
Would it help to own the provisional nature of any of our opinions?
With the light I have and with the data I've seen I think and believe thus and so but I'm aware that I may be wrong or that other data or perspectives might require me to modify my position.
The fact that you are uncomfortable with some of your opinions at least on an emotional level, suggests that there is other data or perspectives to consider.
https://www.amazon.com/12-Steps-Recovering-Pharisee-like/dp/0764222023
And appreciate that I'm not a true scholar, so these are impressions from scholars listened to about a decade ago...
I think you could understand the Pharisees - who in truth were the original rabbinic Jews - were trying to respond to a then-current crisis in Judaism. The temple, run by the Sadducees, was undeniably corrupt, beholden to the polytheistic Roman Empire, and perhaps even then the looming sense that the Jewish world as-they-knew-it was going to be destroyed.
Scholars sometimes think Jesus' comments on the impending doom of Israel were written by after-the-fact authors, I think it's reasonable to assume that a politically savvy individual could see what was coming. This is, I think, not an entirely popular opinion, but it's mine.
Enter the Pharisees. I think, at the time, they were developing a new way to be Jewish that was less reliant on the Temple as a focus and more reliant on texts and practices that could be followed in the home or local synagogue. In hindsight, I don't think they were monsters, and if you read up on them historically in their own words, they weren't even that unreasonable. They were just trying to figure out how to be religious in their own way in their own space.
So, why the rough treatment in the gospels?
There's a political folk wisdom I hold onto, which is that nobody will ever tick you off so incredibly much as an ally who disagrees with you on a couple key points. And I get the sense that either Jesus or his followers (or both) saw the potential of what the Pharisees were doing, and saw so much they were moving in the right direction, but the few things they were screwing up were so glaring that it turned into a big fight.
And certainly, the evolution of Christianity apart from Judaism after the crucifixion and the first Shoah was, whatever else, rather drastic. That is also thought to be back-mapped onto the gospels. You can even see it in John, as he escalates his language from "the Pharisees" to straight-up "The Jews," which looks kinda ugly to modern eyes, but was reflective of a contemporary conflict as the two traditions were working themselves out schismatically.
In general sense, it seems like Jesus may have felt the Pharisees were the really bright student in class that just doesn't quite get it, and that made them much more frustrating, and demanding of his attention. And after the resurrection, they were competition.
I don't think we know exactly how things went down between Judaism and Christianity in the early centuries, but it seems to have been rather ugly as the two crawled out of the rubble of the temple.
So, that's my brief half-educated lecture on why Christians should try to show a little more understanding for the biblical Pharisees.
We all rather resemble them. We all got stuff we could work on. As the parable points out, we do best when we own our own issues with humility.
Hope this helps. I have a lot of other thoughts but this is already a long post.
I can't believe the book exists that actually answers my question! I would like to reassure readers that I am not John Fischer, secretly touting my book.
Yes that is helpful, and kind of where I have got to in my thinking. It's very human to want to get things right, to want to be on God's side and to try to figure that out. The Pharisees were no doubt a diverse group. Some would have enjoyed their social status. But I can also see - like Nicodemus coming to Jesus in the night - that some of the Pharisees ended up uncomfortable in their embedded ways, and looked to Jesus to help change their minds. Others needed a miracle to effect a change of mind - Saul found the change so traumatic he was struck blind.
Even those who were open to Jesus were stuck in the old ways. How do you think Peter (not a Pharisee) felt when he'd had the dream about the unclean foods, and ate a prawn sandwich for the first time? It must have been mind-blowing to accept that God was now working in a completely different way and with a wider group of people than before.
I feel like the solid ground of what I thought I knew to be the truth is shifting beneath my feet. It is profoundly unsettling.
The argument I've heard is that the Pharisees were very similar to the Jesus movement except in a few particular, which became major sticking points. Even their teachings weren't that different, which might be why the two factions quarreled so much. Both were trying to build a new religion out of the ruins of the temple. They were rival sects, eventually splitting into Rabbinic Judaism and Christianity as we know them.
Yeah, I think if you get into some of this the ground is going to completely shift. Enjoy the ride. Trust God, don't expect you're going to hell just for thinking the wrong thing.
The Pharisees were a lot more like Jesus, I think, than a lot of folks like to admit. That might be why a lot of Christians, when they go bad, end up resembling the caricatured Pharisees in the NT. They want rules and boundaries where Jesus insists it's about faith.
Faith is a relationship. There are guidelines, yes, but it's not like following an instruction manual, at least that's my sense of it.
Ah, yes, this one! Tell me about it. The problem is that the God of the old views is a bit of a grouch and gets all Hellish if you get them wrong, isn't he? So it's hard to let go.
I think it's fair to say you won't get either of the responses you fear here. Many of us have made similar journeys and won't be down on anyone for having held views we once held.
Father forgive me for I have sinned - but there was a time when I reacted negatively to a suggestion that anyone not explicitly born again could be saved. My views at that time on LGBT+ issues were - well, best not revisited. I wasn't entirely comfortable with these views - they contradicted my instincts, conscience and sense of justice - but I was sure they were nevertheless right. I was even a Young Earth Creationist for about four days.
I'm sure many other people here have been on similar journeys.
Highly recommended.
Blessings XX
Yup! And still (praise God) on that journey!
Thank you for these recommendations - I have downloaded the first two onto my Kindle, and will read as soon as I've finished the 12 Steps book recommend by Caissa. Sadly the judgment one is only available as as secondhand paperback - the most expensive priced at £85(!) but even the cheapest (£16.95) a bit far fetched. I'll read the first two before deciding if it's worth the extra expense. (If you have a copy, it seems that now is the time to cash in on this sought-after book.)
So, did you have a moment when it all seemed obvious, or did it slowly dawn on you? How did you make the new views "real" - did you stand up and declare out loud, "I now believe XYZ" or did you just let it filter into your conversations and thoughts? Can you say what changed in your life / mind / spirit as a result of changing your perspective on those issues?
Right now I feel as if saying my new thoughts out loud (even on a "what if..." basis) will cause floodgates to open and I will be swept up by a tidal wave with no going back. But where I will be swept to, and where I might want to go back to, I have no idea.
It was a gradual thing - the cognitive dissonance can only last so long. Then starting to hear voices from outside the conservative charismatic evangelical bubble I was moving in that affirmed that there were schools of thought echoing my thoughts.
But I get the reluctance. Depending on your environment it may mean you have to move on from some groups and or church.
I think you ultimately have to be true to yourself. There's a real chance that if you let the cognitive dissonance build it sweeps you all the way out of faith altogether when it bursts.
Yes, that's definitely true. If you refuse to throw the old bathwater away for too long, eventually it gets so mucky you can no longer see the baby in it, and then both get thrown out together. I've seen that happen to others.
I'm not going to make assumptions about what views they might be, as I can think of a range of possibilities, and I don't think it helps you if I try to do that. But I can tell you what I do when I'm dealing with views that are either changing, or might change, or are NOT changing but the world seems to be changing around them, etc. etc. etc.
And the primary thing I do with them is to talk to the Lord about them, straightforwardly and honestly, saying "This is what I understood to be true, here's what I'm wondering about now, and would you please help me come to the place you want me to be?"
And in the meantime, I keep in mind that love, compassion and gentleness are never wrong and never inappropriate. I'm not God's enforcer. I'm just another human being in need of the mercy of God. Regardless of what view turns out to be correct in the end, behaving like Jesus, in mercy and kindness, is always a good idea.
(And since I'm fairly certain you're not an American and therefore dealing with Trumpistas is not the issue you're handling, I can use it as an example. This is how I deal with committed Trump followers, in all their aggrievedness, racism, and self-righteousness. With as much mercy, gentleness, and kindness as I can.)
First, I'm going to tell you that it's OK to say "I don't know". Sometimes, the statement "I don't know" is the correct one. It's not a weakness to not know. Accepting that it's OK not to have all the answers can be a challenge.
You mention reading widely. On all of these issues where different groups of Christians have incompatible opinions, there is a theological argument for each side. You might think that the arguments made by one side are rather weak (I certainly do on some topics), or you might think both sides have a point. It's easy to have your own prejudices confirmed if you only read writers who support your opinion, but that's an intellectually bankrupt approach that you clearly wouldn't be happy with. You read writers from different camps, and so read opposing rhetoric.
If the answer was easy, we wouldn't have different groups of Christians in different camps - we'd have everyone (or at least, all reasonable honest people) in the same camp.
My first piece of advice is to pray. Take your problems to God. You don't have to do this by yourself.
My second piece of advice is that many of these arguments rest on a particular interpretation of scripture. If you find yourself reading an argument that effectively assumes that the Bible was written in English (and probably in the KJV), then that's unlikely to be a good argument.
My third piece of advice is that it's easy to get yourself in trouble by cherry-picking particular verses from the Bible. Don't play the proof-text game: the Bible is not a list of rules designed to be read by a computer (or worse, a lawyer), but a set of stories designed to be read by humans. The gestalt is what is important.
Fourth piece of advice: it's OK to occupy some middle ground. Imagine two camps: a "Christians should not do X" camp, and a "Christians can do X" camp. I imagine that when you were describing yourself as a Pharisee, you were belonging to the "should not do X" camp, but you're now considering that it's possible that you might have been mistaken.
You don't have to immediately rush out and start doing X. You don't have to do X at all, and you can still not want to do X. But if you come to the conclusion that there's a reasonable chance that your former position might be wrong, then the immediate consequence is that you should stop condemning people for doing X.
My prayer (and hope) is always that our beliefs, practices observance will engender, nurture and sustain the 'Fruits of the Spirit' (Gal 5, 22-23). I look for these in others, of whatever overt religion the practice.
I even, one day, hope to see a soupcon of these FOS's in myself.
Mercy, Lord!
PTL!!!!!!
The Commandments are that we love God and love one another. Yes, we are to love God with our whole mind, but that’s not at all the same, I don’t think, as being commanded to be right.
Love covers a multitude of sins.
I think I'm slowly getting to realising that I might actually be one of those dodgy liberals.
I feel I need to sift through everything I have ever thought and practised, not just this one issue - although it is quite pressing to get my head around it, as saying the wrong thing (and, probably, saying nothing) affects others. When we have younger ones who look to us for guidance, "getting it wrong" has more far-reaching consequences.
Those Christians who favour particular forms of ritual can become Pharisaical about that. Those who eschew more traditional forms in favour of what appears new and more exciting can be just as Pharisaical in a different way.
We all need to be wary of this tendency within ourselves.
This, this, this.
I hope you realise I was using the term ironically.
https://www.anordinaryoffice.co.uk/morning-prayer
That's ace - thank you for sharing it.
Caissa: Yes, I did, Sorry for not leaving an emoji.
This is really very helpful. Thank you.
Thank you.