@Jengie, could your dad get one of those little pillbox thingies with days/times marked on them, so that he could take his tablets at regular intervals?
Already does, and has for over five years. The paracetamol is when required which means it does not fit those packs. The carers are watching that he takes his medication in the pack as he is very good at doing his own thing and before he broke his arm we were forever little pots with a range of tablets in that he had not taken.
Yes, we had those for Mother-in-law. We had to get her a special clock that told you the day and date as well as the time, too. Not sure how much it helped...
I got one of those clocks for the Dowager, while she was still at home, and I think it helped, a bit - but the trouble is, you have to LOOK at them if they are to be useful!
She used to have packets of medications, all beautifully labelled with the day - but she just took them randomly, from whichever pack she found first (!) which meant that re-ordering turned into a nightmare. And she could NOT see why I got irritated!
Mrs. S, thankful for someone else to worry about that now
When Dad was still looking after Mum at home, they had three little boxes* (morning, afternoon and evening) and he would sit down with her at the kitchen table and get her to sort out her tablets herself, making sure she got it right. I think he saw it as one last chance for her to have a semblance of independence; he seemed to draw on reserves of patience we never knew he had.
* they were those little black canisters that photographic film used to come in - they'd both been keen photographers.
That's one of my weekly jobs, sort out the right medications into four sets of tablet boxes, two match and are labelled by the day of the week and AM or PM, the other two sets just have the days of the week. And I when I provide the food to go with a couple of them I put that right tablet box out too.
I got one of those clocks for the Dowager, while she was still at home, and I think it helped, a bit - but the trouble is, you have to LOOK at them if they are to be useful!
I got one of those for my brother before he was actually diagnosed with Parkinson's. He managed to confuse 8 am and 8pm and go to his voluntary job at the wrong time. It was in an industrial area which was fairly deserted at that time of night, and a passing taxi driver rescued him.
My medication is dispensed in a blister pack. I did ask it I could provide one of those plastic thing a majigs, but was told it wasn't legal for a chemist to fill them here
Mr. Plummer and I have quite a few tablets to take each day. We have started to write the day (M,T,W, etc.) in felt pen on the back of the blister pack, to keep us straight with whether we've taken them or not.
Sorry for not contributing recently: I've only just found where I wrote my new password!
Spoke too soon about m-i-l; she fell out of bed again. It doesn't sound so serious this time; apparently she is bruised and they called out the GP to check her, but she didn't need to go to hospital. Off to see her later today...
Jane R - hope your MiL is OK after her fall and that you had a good visit.
The person from the Mental Health team came to see mum today. I only told her about the visit fifteen minutes before the nurse, H, arrived which was a good thing. Mum wanted to go out and not see her, but I insisted. Of course mum was charming to H and chatted away very happily about this and that. Although she wasn't asking formal questions as such I could see she assessing mum's answers and reactions. H was also an occupational therapist and had a good look rounds the flat talking about grab rails etc.
She left with my contact details and my six page bullet-point diary of what's been happening in the last few weeks. She'll get back to me in a day or two, but the next step is probably a visit to see a consultant and maybe a visit back to the memory clinic.
At the time mum seemed fine with being told all that, but when we went out for lunch she was basically asking if she'd done enough for them to see she is perfectly fine. The answer to that is no, but of course I didn't say that.
Slight tangent but I’m puzzled about how H could be both a nurse and an occupational therapist? They are separate professions. Even if she has trained as both, she’s presumably practising as one or the other?
Hi @Aravis, I think she was mainly an OT rather than a mental health nurse. I think she was sent out to see how the land lay with my mum, but she worked as part of a team so would be reporting back. Not heard anything yet, but I'll chase next week.
Mum keeps on going on about wanting to move and my brother is going to look at some extra sheltered accommodation near him next week. Sounds and looks very nice, but I'm not sure, if mum keeps on declining at the present rate, she'd be able to stay there long. Still I think just getting a discussion going is a good thing. Mum has fantasies about buying herself a 'little house'.
Actually you can buy flats in sheltered housing. We know of one which (my sister and I) would like Dad to purchase and move into but he is so frail, I think we might be behind the game again.
D's mum has her name down for a flat that I think has an element of shelteredness about it, should she need it. I hope she doesn't - I'm sure she'd much rather end her days in the house she's lived in for the last fifty-something years.
A friend of mine used to work for a provider of housing for the aged parents of this world - not McCarthy and Stone, but that sort of company. When I was looking for the same for the Dowager, her advice was not to buy, but to rent, especially if the AP in question was coming to it later rather than sooner.
The flats can take ages to sell, when you no longer need them; you pay service charges even when they are unoccupied; and to add insult to injury, they are the only part of the UK property market where people regularly lose money.
I should add that I am not an estate agent or an IFA*, but this does tie in with my own observations.
*Independent Financial Adviser
Needless to say the Dowager didn't want to move at all, and I told myself that you could buy a lot of gardening, taxis etc for the £750 per month service charge on a flat!
The reasons that Mrs S outlines are why I'm not at all sure moving to this sort of accommodation is a good idea for my mother. However I do think its a good idea for my brother to go and have a look at get his eye in. The one thing that does appeal with this particular place is that you can have a three month taster session before committing. I think that might show us if mum could cope or really does need to be in a home.
Mum and Dad are both well, thanks be to God, and Dad has been walking more since the doctor told him that inactivity was a greater threat to his health than the well controlled cancer.
Mum is still determined not to let him learn to do anything round the house. Last week she put the washing machine on, then took a nonagenarian neighbour to an appointment. As she hadn't returned home by the time the washing machine finished, Dad hung the washing out. Mum was Not Pleased. Apparently there is a technique to pegging washing on the line, and Dad didn't do it properly. She has told him to leave the washing alone in future, and, no, she won't teach him the correct pegging technique. Laundry is her responsibility.
I said to her that Dad needs to learn to do these things, in case she is ever ill. Mum said that she doesn't think Dad is capable of learning to use the dishwasher, the washing machine, the cooker, the microwave or even the clothes pegs. Whenever I am a passenger in the car, I am impressed with my father's driving, so I can't imagine learning to use the dishwasher or microwave would be that much of a challenge. I think it might give Dad an extra interest, which could only be a good thing. But Mum seems implacable.
@North East Quine I suspect that this is another symptom of your mother's lack of self-esteem and belief that she is only tolerated when she is useful. So she needs to be indispensable, because no-one can possibly want her for herself, but what she does for them. If her jobs are taken away from her by your father, she has no reason for living.
I doubt this is fixable now. It will be something she internalised very young and has spent her life bolstering. Unless she's struck down with major illness when she cannot continue and has to be supported, she's not going to stop and she's going to find changing now practically impossible.
I don't like the way my husband pegs out clothes either, but I shut up and let him do it on the odd occasions he does hang washing out. Before I retired he did the majority of the housework, having been well taught by his own father, but rarely the washing.
My sister in law (husband's sister) was talking about their father and his very precise way of vacuuming. Having seen my husband doing the same she thought it was a skill he'd inherited. My husbands reaction was that he would have his father's skills at learning foreign languages!
NEQ I don't know if you'll ever change your mother, she seems to want to be in control, but I agree it is a worry if she ever does need looking after.
My main concern is that if Mum took ill, and was whisked into hospital, or if she died suddenly, Dad would be completely helpless. I live 80 miles away, and it can take 3 hours to get there depending on traffic.
Having said that, time and distance would be the main obstacles to me looking after Dad. I can't imagine "looking after" my mother.
But you'd be there to support if your mother was rushed to hospital, immediately and from what you are saying, your father would cope with the machines if he was shown what to do and had written instructions to follow and/or someone at the end of a phone to talk to. That he was prepared to take the washing out of the machine and hang it out suggests this, even if it didn't match your mother's methods.
And of course the keeping up appearances means the true suffering can’t be addressed because that would be to Admit.
I think when my I Don’t Give A Damn T-shirt is in the wash, I’ve got one saying For Fuck’s Sake, Who Cares?
When we visit Rev T's family in the US, we're often asked about family stuff that happened back in the 70's and huffed at when we don't know anything. (Rev T being a child at the time). We get huffed at even more when we refuse to sort out whatever it is by Speaking To Someone. (Usually Rev T's dad).
The role of family bag-person is particularly thankless. So we're not doing it.
Funerals are, I discovered when the local celeb died, events that anyone can turn up too. One of the family's criteria for selecting the church was one that was set back with a long drive so any photographers that came wouldn't be able to bother the mourners.
NEQ, unless your mum has her wishes in writing, just invite everyone and leave any family baggage firmly where it belongs. In the past.
My main concern is that if Mum took ill, and was whisked into hospital, or if she died suddenly, Dad would be completely helpless. I live 80 miles away, and it can take 3 hours to get there depending on traffic.
Having said that, time and distance would be the main obstacles to me looking after Dad. I can't imagine "looking after" my mother.
My mom died very suddenly in the early 2000s. She had done all the housework, although not from any anal reasons. It was just how they had always divided up the labor. Dad was pretty surprised by everything she had quietly done. But learning to manage was therapeutic for him; he missed Mom deeply, and the work around the house gave him something to do. Of course, he did decide to get someone in every other week to give the place a good shake down.
The reverse of this happened to a woman I knew a number of years ago. Her husband died unexpectedly. She had no idea how to put gasoline (petrol) in her car. She told me it had always been her responsibility to put food on the table and his responsibility to take care of their cars.
A lot of women of that generation (e.g., my parents' age) were never "allowed" to do anything with finances. Their husbands would become ill or die, and they didn't even know what accounts they had or how to pay the bills.
My mom actually organized the finances and Dad was aware of how she did them. In fact he had always been proud of how she had set up the records and outflow. So that was not a problem, thank God.
When D's father took ill, his mum had never put petrol in the car (she still hasn't: she waited until D's sister came to visit) and took nothing to do with paying bills - his sister takes care of that too.
I think it's a generational thing: in our parents' time, such things were always looked after by the husband, and cooking and cleaning by the wife.
My mother became incapacitated very gradually, which I suppose gave Dad time to acclimatise himself to doing the things she'd always done. I have fond memories of him cooking, with her sitting at the kitchen table giving him directions.
One week in to my prodigal brother's visit to see my frail and nearly blind father. I have been able to avoid controversy; I fussed excessively over Sunday supper, and kept my mouth shut as some of controversies were raised. I felt sort of a need to pray for forgiveness (quickly dismissed) for manipulatively latching on to something completely unrelated and keeping a fairly hot discussion going so we didn't have to discuss the controversies. Only one problem is that this will happen twice more.
My father doesn't appear be enjoying the visit, very very quiet. But I expect this might be the last time he sees my brother who shows up from far away foreign every 2 or 3 years, overstaying his welcome, sponging off everyone, fathering unacknowledged children, marrying and remarrying 25 year olds (he's nearly 6) among the foibles. Charming though, very charming. So long as I can stay away from anything other than making the meals, and my father can tolerate him staying with him versus us. Is there a patron saint of not saying things you really want to say? Need to make this one my patron just now. Maybe a patron saint of listening your into trouble versus talking your way in, or something.
My elderly parents looked after each other. Although Mum did the cooking and housework ( less and less got done as she became less able), and Dad did the garden, when Mum was poorly, Dad could always manage the shopping and meals. Washing too, if necessary.
Before he died, she had told me that if he died first, she would go into a Home. I am so grateful to her for that decision, as she would have really struggled on her own. She survived him by 6 months. In the Home, she had a new lease of life. Without needing to worry where the next meal was coming from, and with no housework to do, she enjoyed the company and the trips out that the Home arranged. A good decision for her- and for me.
I realise how hard it must be for some of you who are struggling with your aged parents.
Mostly lurking here, as I am on the way to becoming the ageing and awkward parent of ths family.
Not too aged and difficult at the moment, but from your posts I can see where I am heading.
Just popped my head up to describe Mr RoS's laundry-hanging technique, which is to grab an accessible piece of the next item in the jumble of damp clothes in the basket and peg that bit to the line - sleeve, hem, middle of the front, it doesn't seem to matter.
As one who likes to avoid ironing by shaking the creases out of each item and hanging it up so the seams hang straight, I try to avoid leaving the wet washing around long enough for him to help.
However, his he excelled himself earlier this year. Arriving home to find the washer full and me absent he emptied the machine and hung out all the clothes. When I got home I went out to put it all straight- only to find that it was in the same condition it had been when I put it in the machine. In a hurry to be elsewhere, I had forgotten to start the wash programme before I left. He hadn't noticed that it wasn't wet, and had hung all our dirty underwear out in the garden for the afternoon.
Any wonder that I try to keep control of the domestic chores?
Mr. S doesn't hang things out as I like it to be done, but I would never breathe a word of complaint - I'd rather he did it his way, than not at all, which is the alternative!
Another one who likes to keep husband away from washing - he hangs it up folded! But sometimes he has to do it - because sometimes I am away and the family does not stop producing dirty clothing!
My husband's family owned a laundry, so he is well versed in laundry. I have been married over 50 years and he has always done the house laundry. I am blessed. He has also been known to iron the church fair linen.
What is this hanging out the washing of which you speak?
I've never hung washing outdoors in my life; my excuse is (a) I'm vertically challenged and washing lines tend of necessity to be quite high up; and (b) for a good chunk of the year we have quite a lot of Weather, not all of it conducive to doing anything outdoors, least of all hanging out laundry.
As a child of post-war austerity, I'm too frugal to waste good money on electricity when we have a good supply of windy weather (and hot sun this summer). Besides, line-dried washing smells so good!
I do have a tumble-dryer, but that's for weeks on end of rainy/snowy weather.
I always try to hang out laundry outside when possible - when there's a sunny, windy day, I take advantage and wash bedding and throws and all sorts. I also love the smell of washing that's dried outdoors. Though when the weather keeps switching between sun and rain it can be tricky, but if there is sun after the rain, I leave it and it then smells even better. I don't have a tumble dryer, but I have a clothes horse and dehumidifier, which is good for indoor drying when there is constant rain.
I have never had a tumble drier and have no intention of having one now. I'd normally hang things outside, but we've had a couple of problems precluding that this summer, even though it's been so hot and sunny: a helpful neighbour who will bring it in for us while still damp and another neighbour who has been smoking cannabis near the lines so everything comes in reeking.
How are the aged parents doing? Is Jane R's mother in law OK after her fall? Is the Dowager Intrepid Mrs S still enjoying life in her care home? Is Sarasa's mother's situation improving? How is NOprophet_NØprofit's father coping with his other son visiting?
Doing fine, very content (though awfully forgetful - she had completely forgotten a lovely visit from some dear friends who'd come from quite a long way away! Luckily they left flowers with a card attached, so I knew they'd been and could remind her)
I also took a box of extremely old photos and asked who some of them might be. 'Uncle Charlie' she replied unhesitatingly, but when I asked if he was one of Grandad's brothers, she had no idea.
The other thing which mad me laugh was that I spent an hour and a half clearing out drawers and cupboards, seemingly full of raffle prizes she'd won and just stored. When I opened her wardrobe at the home, I found a DKNY double duvet set and two huge gift sets of toiletries - she'd won them in the raffle at the home's fete! And so, we begin again...
Thanks for your concern CK. Things are improving in that Social Services and the Mental Health team are now aware. Haven't heard back from the latter, who visited last week yet, I'll give them till Monday and then chase up. Mum still firmly in denial that things are amiss, and she seems more generally confused as well as still being convinced about the neighbours stealing stuff.
Have successfully had my brother and now he's off. Having not raised anything at all, he came forward and addressed something unexpectedly. I merely said thank-you. Relieved that there wasn't anything bad over these 2 weeks.
My father did well with the visit. But tired. They watched The Crown on Netflix together and discussed it a lot. My father said he was patient and narrated it re not seeing well at all. We're back to doing our duty. It sounds like my sister will come in Oct/Nov which is great. She's much younger, we are very close as I parented her from double digits of her age.
Glad to know that Sarasa's mum is getting a bit sorted out. Endless though it seems.
Re tumble dryer. There was an history in Canada of putting the laundry out to freeze in the wind. Clothes do eventually dry that way, but it's nasty putting them out. We've a drying rack inside and also a hanger rack. But virtually everyone has a clothes dryer these days. Anything which needs ironing can be tumbled and generally not ironed.
I am not the laundry doer mostly. I get the toilets, do all the baking (I make all of our bread, buns, pasta and such like) and most cooking, all except cookies, none of the vacuuming. We've had the same scheme for 4 decades.
Glad the visit with your brother went off well, @NOprophet_NØprofit . I think it is so easy for siblings to fall out over things specially when there are elderly parents involved, so its good you and yours seems to be getting on with helping your father.
Talking of siblings, brother, sister-in-law and I went to look at a place for mum near where they live that they'd seen last week which they think might be suitable for her. It's sheltered accommodation with very nice flats and a lot of help to hand if you need it. I really liked the flats and the warden as do brother and SiL. One of the flats is available for rent and at the moment they are trying to find out exactly what the price would be. I think mum would think the place is too quiet, she'd have to get a taxi to the shops, not that they are far away, but too far for her, and I know she hates the idea of any sort of on-hand help. However I think this is probably the best they'll find in their area and if we could get a reasonable short-term let it would be good to see how mum got on, and give us a chance to sort out her flat for selling.
I spent ages on the phone on Monday talking to the person from the Mental Health team who visited mum a fortnight ago. She promised to phone back on Tuesday, but nothing yet. I'll try again sometime next week, but I think mum is probably fairly low priority. At the moment she is doing OK. She isn't going round tot he neighbours, though still sure they take stuff, and is more forgetful than ever. The warden at the sheltered accommodation thought they could cope, but having a short-term let would also through up if she did need more help than they would be able to provide.
Comments
Already does, and has for over five years. The paracetamol is when required which means it does not fit those packs. The carers are watching that he takes his medication in the pack as he is very good at doing his own thing and before he broke his arm we were forever little pots with a range of tablets in that he had not taken.
Thanks
She used to have packets of medications, all beautifully labelled with the day - but she just took them randomly, from whichever pack she found first (!) which meant that re-ordering turned into a nightmare. And she could NOT see why I got irritated!
Mrs. S, thankful for someone else to worry about that now
* they were those little black canisters that photographic film used to come in - they'd both been keen photographers.
I got one of those for my brother before he was actually diagnosed with Parkinson's. He managed to confuse 8 am and 8pm and go to his voluntary job at the wrong time. It was in an industrial area which was fairly deserted at that time of night, and a passing taxi driver rescued him.
My medication is dispensed in a blister pack. I did ask it I could provide one of those plastic thing a majigs, but was told it wasn't legal for a chemist to fill them here
Sorry for not contributing recently: I've only just found where I wrote my new password!
The person from the Mental Health team came to see mum today. I only told her about the visit fifteen minutes before the nurse, H, arrived which was a good thing. Mum wanted to go out and not see her, but I insisted. Of course mum was charming to H and chatted away very happily about this and that. Although she wasn't asking formal questions as such I could see she assessing mum's answers and reactions. H was also an occupational therapist and had a good look rounds the flat talking about grab rails etc.
She left with my contact details and my six page bullet-point diary of what's been happening in the last few weeks. She'll get back to me in a day or two, but the next step is probably a visit to see a consultant and maybe a visit back to the memory clinic.
At the time mum seemed fine with being told all that, but when we went out for lunch she was basically asking if she'd done enough for them to see she is perfectly fine. The answer to that is no, but of course I didn't say that.
I hope the outcome of the nurse's visit is a good one.
Mum keeps on going on about wanting to move and my brother is going to look at some extra sheltered accommodation near him next week. Sounds and looks very nice, but I'm not sure, if mum keeps on declining at the present rate, she'd be able to stay there long. Still I think just getting a discussion going is a good thing. Mum has fantasies about buying herself a 'little house'.
The flats can take ages to sell, when you no longer need them; you pay service charges even when they are unoccupied; and to add insult to injury, they are the only part of the UK property market where people regularly lose money.
I should add that I am not an estate agent or an IFA*, but this does tie in with my own observations.
*Independent Financial Adviser
Needless to say the Dowager didn't want to move at all, and I told myself that you could buy a lot of gardening, taxis etc for the £750 per month service charge on a flat!
Mrs. S, spared that step along the journey
Mum is still determined not to let him learn to do anything round the house. Last week she put the washing machine on, then took a nonagenarian neighbour to an appointment. As she hadn't returned home by the time the washing machine finished, Dad hung the washing out. Mum was Not Pleased. Apparently there is a technique to pegging washing on the line, and Dad didn't do it properly. She has told him to leave the washing alone in future, and, no, she won't teach him the correct pegging technique. Laundry is her responsibility.
I said to her that Dad needs to learn to do these things, in case she is ever ill. Mum said that she doesn't think Dad is capable of learning to use the dishwasher, the washing machine, the cooker, the microwave or even the clothes pegs. Whenever I am a passenger in the car, I am impressed with my father's driving, so I can't imagine learning to use the dishwasher or microwave would be that much of a challenge. I think it might give Dad an extra interest, which could only be a good thing. But Mum seems implacable.
Sigh.
I doubt this is fixable now. It will be something she internalised very young and has spent her life bolstering. Unless she's struck down with major illness when she cannot continue and has to be supported, she's not going to stop and she's going to find changing now practically impossible.
My sister in law (husband's sister) was talking about their father and his very precise way of vacuuming. Having seen my husband doing the same she thought it was a skill he'd inherited. My husbands reaction was that he would have his father's skills at learning foreign languages!
NEQ I don't know if you'll ever change your mother, she seems to want to be in control, but I agree it is a worry if she ever does need looking after.
Having said that, time and distance would be the main obstacles to me looking after Dad. I can't imagine "looking after" my mother.
When we visit Rev T's family in the US, we're often asked about family stuff that happened back in the 70's and huffed at when we don't know anything. (Rev T being a child at the time). We get huffed at even more when we refuse to sort out whatever it is by Speaking To Someone. (Usually Rev T's dad).
The role of family bag-person is particularly thankless. So we're not doing it.
Funerals are, I discovered when the local celeb died, events that anyone can turn up too. One of the family's criteria for selecting the church was one that was set back with a long drive so any photographers that came wouldn't be able to bother the mourners.
NEQ, unless your mum has her wishes in writing, just invite everyone and leave any family baggage firmly where it belongs. In the past.
My mom died very suddenly in the early 2000s. She had done all the housework, although not from any anal reasons. It was just how they had always divided up the labor. Dad was pretty surprised by everything she had quietly done. But learning to manage was therapeutic for him; he missed Mom deeply, and the work around the house gave him something to do. Of course, he did decide to get someone in every other week to give the place a good shake down.
A lot of women of that generation (e.g., my parents' age) were never "allowed" to do anything with finances. Their husbands would become ill or die, and they didn't even know what accounts they had or how to pay the bills.
I think it's a generational thing: in our parents' time, such things were always looked after by the husband, and cooking and cleaning by the wife.
My mother became incapacitated very gradually, which I suppose gave Dad time to acclimatise himself to doing the things she'd always done. I have fond memories of him cooking, with her sitting at the kitchen table giving him directions.
My father doesn't appear be enjoying the visit, very very quiet. But I expect this might be the last time he sees my brother who shows up from far away foreign every 2 or 3 years, overstaying his welcome, sponging off everyone, fathering unacknowledged children, marrying and remarrying 25 year olds (he's nearly 6) among the foibles. Charming though, very charming. So long as I can stay away from anything other than making the meals, and my father can tolerate him staying with him versus us. Is there a patron saint of not saying things you really want to say? Need to make this one my patron just now. Maybe a patron saint of listening your into trouble versus talking your way in, or something.
Before he died, she had told me that if he died first, she would go into a Home. I am so grateful to her for that decision, as she would have really struggled on her own. She survived him by 6 months. In the Home, she had a new lease of life. Without needing to worry where the next meal was coming from, and with no housework to do, she enjoyed the company and the trips out that the Home arranged. A good decision for her- and for me.
I realise how hard it must be for some of you who are struggling with your aged parents.
I don't know of a patron saint, but I've seen the following prayer on plaques and samplers:
Not too aged and difficult at the moment, but from your posts I can see where I am heading.
Just popped my head up to describe Mr RoS's laundry-hanging technique, which is to grab an accessible piece of the next item in the jumble of damp clothes in the basket and peg that bit to the line - sleeve, hem, middle of the front, it doesn't seem to matter.
As one who likes to avoid ironing by shaking the creases out of each item and hanging it up so the seams hang straight, I try to avoid leaving the wet washing around long enough for him to help.
However, his he excelled himself earlier this year. Arriving home to find the washer full and me absent he emptied the machine and hung out all the clothes. When I got home I went out to put it all straight- only to find that it was in the same condition it had been when I put it in the machine. In a hurry to be elsewhere, I had forgotten to start the wash programme before I left. He hadn't noticed that it wasn't wet, and had hung all our dirty underwear out in the garden for the afternoon.
Any wonder that I try to keep control of the domestic chores?
Mr. S doesn't hang things out as I like it to be done, but I would never breathe a word of complaint - I'd rather he did it his way, than not at all, which is the alternative!
Mrs. S, pragmatic
I've never hung washing outdoors in my life; my excuse is (a) I'm vertically challenged and washing lines tend of necessity to be quite high up; and (b) for a good chunk of the year we have quite a lot of Weather, not all of it conducive to doing anything outdoors, least of all hanging out laundry.
Tumble-dryers are IMHO a mark of Civilisation.
I do have a tumble-dryer, but that's for weeks on end of rainy/snowy weather.
How are the aged parents doing? Is Jane R's mother in law OK after her fall? Is the Dowager Intrepid Mrs S still enjoying life in her care home? Is Sarasa's mother's situation improving? How is NOprophet_NØprofit's father coping with his other son visiting?
I also took a box of extremely old photos and asked who some of them might be. 'Uncle Charlie' she replied unhesitatingly, but when I asked if he was one of Grandad's brothers, she had no idea.
The other thing which mad me laugh was that I spent an hour and a half clearing out drawers and cupboards, seemingly full of raffle prizes she'd won and just stored. When I opened her wardrobe at the home, I found a DKNY double duvet set and two huge gift sets of toiletries - she'd won them in the raffle at the home's fete! And so, we begin again...
Mrs. S, laughing or crying?
My father did well with the visit. But tired. They watched The Crown on Netflix together and discussed it a lot. My father said he was patient and narrated it re not seeing well at all. We're back to doing our duty. It sounds like my sister will come in Oct/Nov which is great. She's much younger, we are very close as I parented her from double digits of her age.
Glad to know that Sarasa's mum is getting a bit sorted out. Endless though it seems.
Re tumble dryer. There was an history in Canada of putting the laundry out to freeze in the wind. Clothes do eventually dry that way, but it's nasty putting them out. We've a drying rack inside and also a hanger rack. But virtually everyone has a clothes dryer these days. Anything which needs ironing can be tumbled and generally not ironed.
I am not the laundry doer mostly. I get the toilets, do all the baking (I make all of our bread, buns, pasta and such like) and most cooking, all except cookies, none of the vacuuming. We've had the same scheme for 4 decades.
Talking of siblings, brother, sister-in-law and I went to look at a place for mum near where they live that they'd seen last week which they think might be suitable for her. It's sheltered accommodation with very nice flats and a lot of help to hand if you need it. I really liked the flats and the warden as do brother and SiL. One of the flats is available for rent and at the moment they are trying to find out exactly what the price would be. I think mum would think the place is too quiet, she'd have to get a taxi to the shops, not that they are far away, but too far for her, and I know she hates the idea of any sort of on-hand help. However I think this is probably the best they'll find in their area and if we could get a reasonable short-term let it would be good to see how mum got on, and give us a chance to sort out her flat for selling.
I spent ages on the phone on Monday talking to the person from the Mental Health team who visited mum a fortnight ago. She promised to phone back on Tuesday, but nothing yet. I'll try again sometime next week, but I think mum is probably fairly low priority. At the moment she is doing OK. She isn't going round tot he neighbours, though still sure they take stuff, and is more forgetful than ever. The warden at the sheltered accommodation thought they could cope, but having a short-term let would also through up if she did need more help than they would be able to provide.