14. Italy - Rock by numbers
15. Poland - All costume, no tune.
16. Germany - Dated disco/rave, but it improved as it went on.
17. Greece - Nice song, but nothing great.
18. Arminia—What does this remind me of? Strobe lighting and a treadmill on stage do not compensate for the lack of originality.
19. Switzerland - It starts off as a good ballad, but the strings are overdone. Could be better if stipped down.
20. Malta - Graham Norton said he liked this, I can't see why anyone else could. A lack of clothing and talent.
21. Portugal - Like the 'soft rock' of the early '70s good but dated,
22. Denmark - Disco with a Kraftwerk synth bass, good but dated,
23. Sweden - Novelty sauna song. This sort of song is what Eurovision is famous for, unfortunately. Sweden have Estonia to thank that they are not the worst here.
24. France - A good ballad with good percussion.
25. Sam Marino - Another Eurovision staple, Rave with added ethic instruments.
26. Albania - I have never heard a good entry from Albania. I still haven't.
All comments are subjective, reflecting personal taste in music.
My review of the Eurovision final. I'll only review the actual songs, because in my head the event ended after we got jury votes from 16 countries and were 10th on the leader board. Everything after that didn't really happen, right?
So anyway...
Norway: A 19-year old lad in armour, looking like he’s auditioning for Starlight Express. The song promises ‘I’ll be my own lighter’ which is a confusing thought.
Luxembourg: Eurovision nerds will remember 1965’s ‘Poupee de Cire, Poupee de Son’ by France Gall, which won Luxembourg the prize. This number is a tribute, or perhaps updating, in which the doll of the title takes charge and turns up the sound. A quirky number with fun staging, but perhaps you need to be in on the joke to get it.
Estonia: Tommy Cash is evidently popular with many, but his novelty tribute to espresso macchiato runs out of caffeine early on. His wiggly dance moves may have made him a hit on social media, but they can’t compensate for the out of tune vocals. And his list of Italian cliches is on a level with the worst of 1970s sit-coms.
Israel: Like several entries tonight, she can belt competently but loses a little in the quieter parts of the song. A classic Eurovision ballad in three languages.
Lithuania: Someone should tell them that last year’s winner was Nemo, not emo. These guys would go down well at the Bronze club in Buffy. With earnest expressions and a smoke machine on full power, they deliver a suitably angsty number. Not my style personally, but they’re great at what they do.
Spain: Lady Gaga meets ABBA. She manages to dance well enough in her huge Dick Whittington boots, and the song shows off her coloratura (in that outfit, are we surprised?)
Ukraine: Some young lads who look and sound like it’s the 1970s and prog rock has just landed. They’ll get support from the crowd for obvious reasons, but probably not much love for the song. There’s a bit where they suddenly stop and everyone wonders if their telly was on the blink for a second.
UK: Whether you like the song or not, you have to admit that this year we sent an act who can really sing. The harmonies soar and their individual voices are strong – as you’d expect from three West End performers. And how very British to have an ode to the joys of a drunken night out, although most of those probably don’t feature a broken chandelier.
Austria: This guy’s falsetto is seriously impressive, but unfortunately his voice in the verses is a bit underpowered. The inventive staging has him surviving a storm in a boat.
Iceland: Yes, they’ve already stated they’re fed up being called the Icelandic Jedward. But when you have two hyper-enthusiastic blond brothers performing a jolly song, what do you expect? This is apparently about rowing. No, it’s not a metaphor. Just an ode to the joys of messing about in boats, which is a bit awkward coming after Austria’s storm-tossed epic. I have to say, I do like the folky fiddle bit and wish we’d had a bit more of that.
Latvia: One of several numbers tonight with a witchy feel. Their harmonies are tight and so are their barely-there outfits, which at one point appear to sprout tails. They’d all be much better in good serviceable black.
Netherlands: This starts as a Piaf song and morphs into a disco stomper borrowing the classic ‘I Will Survive’ chords. He could have bothered to change out of his pyjamas.
Finland: She’s dressed in a shiny black tight-fitting outfit with studs, belting out a song entitled ‘Ich Komme’. The part where she flies above the stage on a giant microphone proves that subtlety was left back in the dressing room this year.
Italy: He’s evidently going for a Bowie look and sound. From the white-faced makeup to the moment sharing the microphone with his bandmate, the influences are clear. The song plods away pleasantly enough – it’s about the pressure to conform to a ‘tough guy’ image, which is an interesting concept, but there’s none of the magnetism you need for a performance like this.
Poland: A dramatic woman with long black hair and a scary fringe. It looks like Claudia Winkleman at a bondage club. Which is then invaded by a dragon. Not your average night out in Warsaw.
Germany: The most interesting thing about this one is Mr Spock playing the electric cello. The girl who sang was completely upstaged.
Greece: And tonight Matthew, I’m going to be Nana Mouskouri! I’ll admit I was prepared to dismiss this standard Eurovision ballad, but her beautiful vocals and strong performance sold it to me. They could have dispensed with most of the staging, the outfit change and the dream-ballet dancer and just let her sing.
Armenia: This guy evidently hits the gym a lot. He’s on a travelator, topless and belting out a big barnstorming chorus. If he was a Gladiator this would be perfect walk-on music. Loads of presence and a memorable hook to the song.
Switzerland: It’s easy to think this gentle, wispy ballad was an attempt to fly under the radar. However, her performance is strong and although I don’t rate it personally, I do wonder if John Lewis has chosen their Christmas advert song yet?
Malta: This Lizzo-style number has everything thrown at it, and the staging is splendidly bonkers, but the singer’s performance gets a bit lost. The original title sounded suspiciously like a very naughty word in English, and they knew exactly what they were doing.
Portugal: This was a surprise qualifier. A bunch of guys evoking the 1970s, both in dress style and music. There are some nice chords pinched from the Beatles, but the song wanders far too much for me.
Denmark: The blue leotard and thigh-high boots are not necessarily the most comfortable outfit to perform in. This is a forgettable mid-tempo number with only the requisite silly choreography to enliven the proceedings.
Sweden: Well, at least Eurovision has moved away from the old Boom Bang-a-Bang and Ding-a-Dong days and embraced a sophisticated, modern style … oh, hang on. This is classic Eurovision fare. Some jolly chaps on their office weekend away, singing about the joys of the sauna. It’s the first time in many years that Sweden aren’t singing in English, but in fact they’ve outsourced their entry to a bunch of Finns who use an obscure dialect. Not that it matters, everyone can understand the repeated shouts of ‘Sauna’! I have to say, this has won me over and been in my head for weeks.
France: Sticking to what they do well – a heart-wrenching ballad in tribute to the singer’s late mother, sung with passion. The staging includes sand trickling from an hourglass all over the stage, which must be a right pain for those cleaning up afterwards.
San Marino: If I had a Swiss franc for every song by a non-Italian act that listed a load of Italian cliches – well, I’d have two francs. This is a bit more successful than Estonia’s effort though. It comes across like a naggingly catchy rugby chant.
Albania: It was Albania All Along! Witchy acts are evidently in this year. Her dramatic red outfit and powerful voice are offset by a strange guy hitting things and talking randomly. I don’t really fancy going down this witch’s road.
And with that I bid you bonsoir, and start searching for a sachertorte recipe for next year's contest in Austria.
Will do my review of the songs later. Still reeling from the ‘almost’ result, and from the revelation of who the UK audience voted for.
Regardless of your views, can the ESC continue to have an entrant they can’t risk winning?
Motivated voting in one direction has one choice, while in the other it has more than one . It's not that surprising given that context (along with things like the boycott, the ads on youtube which encouraged voting for a particular artist without mentioning the country, etc.).
I gave up and went to bed at 11.15 before the voting , waking at 4 am to a text from Ms M breaking the glad news. Had a stinking headache all day, probably from all that strobe lighting. Highlight of the evening for me? Seeing that chap and his alpenhorn. Thank goodness Finland didn’t get hold of it. 😁
Comments
14. Italy - Rock by numbers
15. Poland - All costume, no tune.
16. Germany - Dated disco/rave, but it improved as it went on.
17. Greece - Nice song, but nothing great.
18. Arminia—What does this remind me of? Strobe lighting and a treadmill on stage do not compensate for the lack of originality.
19. Switzerland - It starts off as a good ballad, but the strings are overdone. Could be better if stipped down.
20. Malta - Graham Norton said he liked this, I can't see why anyone else could. A lack of clothing and talent.
21. Portugal - Like the 'soft rock' of the early '70s good but dated,
22. Denmark - Disco with a Kraftwerk synth bass, good but dated,
23. Sweden - Novelty sauna song. This sort of song is what Eurovision is famous for, unfortunately. Sweden have Estonia to thank that they are not the worst here.
24. France - A good ballad with good percussion.
25. Sam Marino - Another Eurovision staple, Rave with added ethic instruments.
26. Albania - I have never heard a good entry from Albania. I still haven't.
All comments are subjective, reflecting personal taste in music.
Regardless of your views, can the ESC continue to have an entrant they can’t risk winning?
Would have been a security nightmare running in Tel Aviv or Jerusalem.
Rumours are swirling of extensive rigging of the public vote in a number of countries.
So anyway...
Norway: A 19-year old lad in armour, looking like he’s auditioning for Starlight Express. The song promises ‘I’ll be my own lighter’ which is a confusing thought.
Luxembourg: Eurovision nerds will remember 1965’s ‘Poupee de Cire, Poupee de Son’ by France Gall, which won Luxembourg the prize. This number is a tribute, or perhaps updating, in which the doll of the title takes charge and turns up the sound. A quirky number with fun staging, but perhaps you need to be in on the joke to get it.
Estonia: Tommy Cash is evidently popular with many, but his novelty tribute to espresso macchiato runs out of caffeine early on. His wiggly dance moves may have made him a hit on social media, but they can’t compensate for the out of tune vocals. And his list of Italian cliches is on a level with the worst of 1970s sit-coms.
Israel: Like several entries tonight, she can belt competently but loses a little in the quieter parts of the song. A classic Eurovision ballad in three languages.
Lithuania: Someone should tell them that last year’s winner was Nemo, not emo. These guys would go down well at the Bronze club in Buffy. With earnest expressions and a smoke machine on full power, they deliver a suitably angsty number. Not my style personally, but they’re great at what they do.
Spain: Lady Gaga meets ABBA. She manages to dance well enough in her huge Dick Whittington boots, and the song shows off her coloratura (in that outfit, are we surprised?)
Ukraine: Some young lads who look and sound like it’s the 1970s and prog rock has just landed. They’ll get support from the crowd for obvious reasons, but probably not much love for the song. There’s a bit where they suddenly stop and everyone wonders if their telly was on the blink for a second.
UK: Whether you like the song or not, you have to admit that this year we sent an act who can really sing. The harmonies soar and their individual voices are strong – as you’d expect from three West End performers. And how very British to have an ode to the joys of a drunken night out, although most of those probably don’t feature a broken chandelier.
Austria: This guy’s falsetto is seriously impressive, but unfortunately his voice in the verses is a bit underpowered. The inventive staging has him surviving a storm in a boat.
Iceland: Yes, they’ve already stated they’re fed up being called the Icelandic Jedward. But when you have two hyper-enthusiastic blond brothers performing a jolly song, what do you expect? This is apparently about rowing. No, it’s not a metaphor. Just an ode to the joys of messing about in boats, which is a bit awkward coming after Austria’s storm-tossed epic. I have to say, I do like the folky fiddle bit and wish we’d had a bit more of that.
Latvia: One of several numbers tonight with a witchy feel. Their harmonies are tight and so are their barely-there outfits, which at one point appear to sprout tails. They’d all be much better in good serviceable black.
Netherlands: This starts as a Piaf song and morphs into a disco stomper borrowing the classic ‘I Will Survive’ chords. He could have bothered to change out of his pyjamas.
Finland: She’s dressed in a shiny black tight-fitting outfit with studs, belting out a song entitled ‘Ich Komme’. The part where she flies above the stage on a giant microphone proves that subtlety was left back in the dressing room this year.
Italy: He’s evidently going for a Bowie look and sound. From the white-faced makeup to the moment sharing the microphone with his bandmate, the influences are clear. The song plods away pleasantly enough – it’s about the pressure to conform to a ‘tough guy’ image, which is an interesting concept, but there’s none of the magnetism you need for a performance like this.
Poland: A dramatic woman with long black hair and a scary fringe. It looks like Claudia Winkleman at a bondage club. Which is then invaded by a dragon. Not your average night out in Warsaw.
Germany: The most interesting thing about this one is Mr Spock playing the electric cello. The girl who sang was completely upstaged.
Greece: And tonight Matthew, I’m going to be Nana Mouskouri! I’ll admit I was prepared to dismiss this standard Eurovision ballad, but her beautiful vocals and strong performance sold it to me. They could have dispensed with most of the staging, the outfit change and the dream-ballet dancer and just let her sing.
Armenia: This guy evidently hits the gym a lot. He’s on a travelator, topless and belting out a big barnstorming chorus. If he was a Gladiator this would be perfect walk-on music. Loads of presence and a memorable hook to the song.
Switzerland: It’s easy to think this gentle, wispy ballad was an attempt to fly under the radar. However, her performance is strong and although I don’t rate it personally, I do wonder if John Lewis has chosen their Christmas advert song yet?
Malta: This Lizzo-style number has everything thrown at it, and the staging is splendidly bonkers, but the singer’s performance gets a bit lost. The original title sounded suspiciously like a very naughty word in English, and they knew exactly what they were doing.
Portugal: This was a surprise qualifier. A bunch of guys evoking the 1970s, both in dress style and music. There are some nice chords pinched from the Beatles, but the song wanders far too much for me.
Denmark: The blue leotard and thigh-high boots are not necessarily the most comfortable outfit to perform in. This is a forgettable mid-tempo number with only the requisite silly choreography to enliven the proceedings.
Sweden: Well, at least Eurovision has moved away from the old Boom Bang-a-Bang and Ding-a-Dong days and embraced a sophisticated, modern style … oh, hang on. This is classic Eurovision fare. Some jolly chaps on their office weekend away, singing about the joys of the sauna. It’s the first time in many years that Sweden aren’t singing in English, but in fact they’ve outsourced their entry to a bunch of Finns who use an obscure dialect. Not that it matters, everyone can understand the repeated shouts of ‘Sauna’! I have to say, this has won me over and been in my head for weeks.
France: Sticking to what they do well – a heart-wrenching ballad in tribute to the singer’s late mother, sung with passion. The staging includes sand trickling from an hourglass all over the stage, which must be a right pain for those cleaning up afterwards.
San Marino: If I had a Swiss franc for every song by a non-Italian act that listed a load of Italian cliches – well, I’d have two francs. This is a bit more successful than Estonia’s effort though. It comes across like a naggingly catchy rugby chant.
Albania: It was Albania All Along! Witchy acts are evidently in this year. Her dramatic red outfit and powerful voice are offset by a strange guy hitting things and talking randomly. I don’t really fancy going down this witch’s road.
And with that I bid you bonsoir, and start searching for a sachertorte recipe for next year's contest in Austria.
Motivated voting in one direction has one choice, while in the other it has more than one . It's not that surprising given that context (along with things like the boycott, the ads on youtube which encouraged voting for a particular artist without mentioning the country, etc.).
That sums up the quality of this year's entries