Biblical Reviews
Gill H
Shipmate
in The Circus
Inspired by last Sunday's reading (in my church anyway) from Numbers 21:
But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!”
This struck me as an early example of a Tripadvisor review. I could imagine the response from the recipient going something like:
"Dear People
Thank you for your helpful feedback. We apologise that some aspects of your stay were not of our usual standard, and in order to compensate for this we have supplied you with the venomous snakes which we reserve for our most valued clients. We hope you enjoy the excitement of trying to escape the snakes, but if you do require medical attention, please bring this to the attention of our representative Moses, who will be able to administer first aid."
Over to you - pick a Bible story and give a review!
But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!”
This struck me as an early example of a Tripadvisor review. I could imagine the response from the recipient going something like:
"Dear People
Thank you for your helpful feedback. We apologise that some aspects of your stay were not of our usual standard, and in order to compensate for this we have supplied you with the venomous snakes which we reserve for our most valued clients. We hope you enjoy the excitement of trying to escape the snakes, but if you do require medical attention, please bring this to the attention of our representative Moses, who will be able to administer first aid."
Over to you - pick a Bible story and give a review!
Comments
We don't really mind kipping down in a stable - done it many times - but surely the manager could have moved the cattle out first?
Thank you for getting in touch. Sorry to hear that you thought the ceiling in your room on the ark was not high enough. Next time God decides to flood the earth we will take this into account. Oh wait…
I've always thought the Gadarene Swine got a rough deal!
"The Garden of Eden is all very well if you're a vegetarian, but what about us carnivores?"
On related matters, the Board also recommends the island be cleared of all unauthorized botanical presence.
"On behalf of our members and as secretary of the Association, I have been instructed to write to you to demand compensation for the loss of our pigs.
We recognise that Jews do not like pigs and do not eat them, but our members aren't Jews - well, most of them aren't - and whatever ones' views on their religion, people should be entitled to chose for themselves whether they are happy to eat bacon, pork chops or our excellent sausages, highly prized throughout all Syria. Our members are providing a public service. It really is a bit much that this rabbi should come over from the other side of the lake, and cure a demoniac by sending the poor fellow's demons into our pigs. As you will have heard by now, they all went mad, ran down the hill and drowned.
We tried to claim off him but we know he has no money. Yes, we know that for years the Council has been trying to move the poor tramp on from the municipal cemetery, and it is very nice that the rabbi sorted this out for you. But you could have got him to send the demons somewhere else. If it has got to be animals, what's wrong with wild animals, rats or something which nobody eats.
I attach a statement setting out the extent of our claim and how it is allocated between our members and will be grateful to receive your remittance."
Reply: "We genuinely regret the inconvenience you experienced. Hospitality is very important to us, however Christmas is always an exceptionally busy period and on this occasion our staff were unable to provide our usual high standard of service".
They seem to be commemorated at every Christian breakfast event in the world.
🥓
The authorities did at least do their best to repair the error once it was finally admitted to.
[ETA @Baptist Trainfan wins the Internet
That's not quite the event I was refering to. For mine, the reply might go...
Ah, I was a year or two too early!
So a shout-out to the weedy guy from Tarsus who looked after the coats, freeing up our throwing arms!
The after-dinner show was great, but perhaps next time the dancer's payment could be delivered AFTER the guests have left? That whole business kind of put a damper on the evening.
Please accept my resignation from your fellowship effective immediately.
When I first joined, I must say I really enjoyed the agape feasts you were having. I would have to admit I got a little tipsy sometimes. So what if some of the riffraff were not allowed at the table? If they can't provide food or wine, they should not be welcomed.
And then Paul comes along.
Now, the meal is no more than a crumb of bread and a sip of wine that appears to have been even watered down!
That's it! I am out of here!
Going back to the fellowship of Dionysus
Those people know how to tie one on.
Okay--you got me on this one. Biblical reference, please. Thank you.
I thought it was, but the reference to the musicians threw me off. Reading the passage, I do see reference to a band.
I can't identify this -please help!