A boy in a dress
Louise
Epiphanies Host
I feel like I cant speak to this in Purgatory without getting into Epiphanies issues
Risk of person who thinks nobody who isnt a woman should wear a dress getting beat up for that - basically zero. If they bring it up they might get disapproved of or told that's bigoted but nobody will physically beat them up or spit on them for their gendered dressing habits and they can go about their ordinary business wearing their preferred garments without harm.
Risk of man or non binary person or other person not read as a woman getting beaten up or otherwise nastily accosted in public for wearing a dress- a significant risk and I know and am close to people who are closeted because of it - and I am angry when I think of the increased risk of violence to my loved ones caused by those who stoked the anti-transgender moral panic which helps legitimise this kind of violence.
People who disapprove of a boy in a dress are not at anything like the same risk as he is and thanks to the recent wave of anti-trans propaganda, he is at much greater risk.
So while yes people have a right to not dress in a dress or to disapprove of those they read as male wearing a dress, in practice the way many of them have gone about it has endangered people and does real harm - it's very far from harmless
So those who go about trying to make out a boy in a dress is harming people while ignoring the harm these attitudes cause are in my book overlooking the 'power' and bullying side of the question. Anti-trans attitudes are often expressed this way and they have powerful political and media interests behind them. Those making a fuss about a boy in a dress are siding with the bullies and moral panickers against people who yes are in practice harmless and not coming for anyone else's right to dress as they see fit. This isnt a ' both sides' question, it's one of asymmetrical damage - gender nonconforming people are at far greater risk.
Risk of person who thinks nobody who isnt a woman should wear a dress getting beat up for that - basically zero. If they bring it up they might get disapproved of or told that's bigoted but nobody will physically beat them up or spit on them for their gendered dressing habits and they can go about their ordinary business wearing their preferred garments without harm.
Risk of man or non binary person or other person not read as a woman getting beaten up or otherwise nastily accosted in public for wearing a dress- a significant risk and I know and am close to people who are closeted because of it - and I am angry when I think of the increased risk of violence to my loved ones caused by those who stoked the anti-transgender moral panic which helps legitimise this kind of violence.
People who disapprove of a boy in a dress are not at anything like the same risk as he is and thanks to the recent wave of anti-trans propaganda, he is at much greater risk.
So while yes people have a right to not dress in a dress or to disapprove of those they read as male wearing a dress, in practice the way many of them have gone about it has endangered people and does real harm - it's very far from harmless
So those who go about trying to make out a boy in a dress is harming people while ignoring the harm these attitudes cause are in my book overlooking the 'power' and bullying side of the question. Anti-trans attitudes are often expressed this way and they have powerful political and media interests behind them. Those making a fuss about a boy in a dress are siding with the bullies and moral panickers against people who yes are in practice harmless and not coming for anyone else's right to dress as they see fit. This isnt a ' both sides' question, it's one of asymmetrical damage - gender nonconforming people are at far greater risk.
Comments
I've also seen the same. People seem to have a problem with queer folks existing.
I don't get it. I grew up in a moderately homophobic environment. And even when I was a lesser homophobe myself, I could not get my head around why people were so upset by the notion of two men engaging in coitus. If a crime, it's a victimless crime that only harms the perpetrators. And God knows I knew lots of mean straight cis people who'd happily slander a faggot while slaking their own heterosexual lust.
And it has been a long time since you could persuade this straight white boy that gay sex was a crime.
Trans folks are, to me, much the same. Let people conduct their lives in peace. They'll happily return the favor. I got lots of friends who are trans and NB and whatnot, wonderful folks. Never gave me any trouble in spite of my being a Christian straight cis white guy. Don't get what all the fuss is about. Or maybe I do, but...
I could provide some sarcastic attempts to describe the rationalizations I think I hear from conservatives in their "defense," but that would be underhanded.
The University of Idaho Marching Band's Tuba Section also has long used long dresses, regardless of the sex/gender of the player. The story is several years ago band members were cleaning out some old costumes from the early 1900s when they came across these long cheerleading dresses--like down to mid-calf. On a lark, the Tuba players used them at a game, and it took off from there. Something to see husky men with these long dresses.
But we have other people in town who stand out because of their unconventional dress.
When we hosted a Syrian Sunni Moslem family in our guest accommodation for 10 weeks we were concerned how people would react to the women wearing hijabs. We needn't have worried, because people in the street just said "Hi" and maybe asked them how they were going.
It unfortunately is not impossible to imagine someone dressing up in a certain way in order to make fun of them because they are an easy target for ridicule.
It is a very hard life for many transsexual people. A life filled with hurt and rejection and ridicule.
On a personal note, a member of my family lost a close friend recently who was trans. They were loved.
When he was about eight, my son wanted to try out wearing skirts. I suggested he wear a skirt to his piano lessons, as I knew his piano teacher wouldn't care. He concluded fairly quickly that playing piano in a skirt was less comfortable than playing piano in trousers. My daughter has always preferred trousers, I don't think she ever wore a skirt to piano.
ISTM that when my kids were little (they're now 32 and 29) that it wasn't too difficult to find fairly gender-neutral clothes, but that just after that two things happened - 1)supermarkets started selling cheap children's clothes, b) those cheap clothes were heavily gendered. I assumed that it was financial - if clothes are gendered then a family with a son and a daughter have to buy twice as much, and if they're cheap and disposable, the hand-me-down factor is eliminated.
My son often wore plain self-coloured joggers or T-shirts which were hand-me-downs from his older female cousin. My daughter wore her brother's hand-me-downs. ISTM that we hit a sweet spot before the wave of pink, sparkly, unicorn clothes for small girls and trucks and dinosaur clothes for small boys. Things like wellie boots used to be gender-neutral in a cheerful red or yellow, and hand-me-downable and are now often bizarrely gendered.
Sending hugs and prayers and love. 😢🕯❤️