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Grace before meals

stonespringstonespring Shipmate
in Ecclesiantics
What is your preferred prayer to use before meals (or after meals)? Do you say it silently in your head or out loud (even if inaudibly), and do you bow your head or put your hands together in prayer when you pray it?

I have a bit of obsessive compulsive personality traits when it comes to religion (I used to have active OCD, but that’s a long story). Because of this, I tend to make my prayers very long and repetitive and try to cover all my bases. Currently I pray the traditional RC grace before meals (Bless us, O Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord), and the RC grace after meals, but before the meal because otherwise I would forget (We thank thee for all thy benefits, O almighty God, who livest and reignest world without end. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.) and the Lutheran/Moravian common table prayer (Come Lord Jesus, be our Guest, and may these thy gifts to us be blessed.) and a traditional Anglican prayer (Bless, O Father, thy gifts to our use, and us to thy service, for Christ’s sake. Amen) and the sign of the cross, but silently in my head without actually signing myself.

How do you pray at mealtime and us it different when alone, when with family or friends, when among colleagues, or when among strangers? Do you pray silently or aloud, and do you do anything with your hands or bow your head or close your eyes? How long does your prayer take? Does it matter if the people with you are Christian or not, or if you think they will be put off by prayer or not, especially by a traditional prayer, even if they are Christian? I worry that my obsessive compulsive manner of prayer makes me seem very sanctimonious and hypocritical (looking at the rest of my life), so maybe it’s best if I keep it silent?

Part of the reason that I use so many prayers is that I don’t want to use my own words (that will send my OC tendencies into overdrive) and I want to make sure that I a. Ask God to bless the food, b. Ask God to bless me/us, c. Thank God for food and other blessings, d. Ask that this meal strengthen me to serve God and others, e. Make the prayer trinitarian by more than just doing the sign of the cross, f. Pray for the faithful departed, g. Personally invoke and invite Christ to the table, g. maybe invoke the Holy Spirit too? I’m also not sure if I should add a Marian prayer to what I am already praying or not because that kind of thing is important to me. Shouldn’t I also be praying for the poor and hungry as well, or is it wrong to pray for them when I eat when what I should be doing is working to make sure they are fed? And what about the long list of people and problems in the world I should be praying for as well as things I should be thankful for? And should I be making more use of Scripture in my prayer at mealtime?

I wasn’t raised in a family that prayed much, so I don’t have much of an example to follow. I’m curious what Christians do who are just being Christian and not thinking so hard about how to be a Christian.
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Comments

  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    If I’m at home with family and/or friends, the blessing is definitely said out loud, usually with everyone holding hands. If I’m the one saying it, and unless the occasion (like a birthday or holiday) calls for something else, I typically use the longer version of the Moravian blessing you mentioned:

    Come, Lord Jesus, our Guest to be,
    And bless these gifts bestowed by thee.
    And with thy daily bread impart
    Thy love and peace to every heart.

    That was my father’s standard blessing.

    If I’m alone or in a restaurant, I tend to use one of short ferial graces of some of the the Oxbridge colleges—Benedictus benedicat (“May the Blessed One give a blessing”)—either in my head or in a low voice.

  • Lamb ChoppedLamb Chopped Shipmate
    Stonespring, speaking as someone with OCD (that used to be a helluva lot more active, but it's still there), what you describe sounds like quite active OCD with all the "shoulds". I'll shut up on that now.

    As for my prayers, it's usually a silent "Thank you, Lord" before eating unless I'm with family, when it's either my husband's extempore and brief thanks, or my son or my "Come, Lord Jesus..." as you quoted. But that's incredibly common in this Lutheran-thick city.

    I used to worry what the onlookers would think or not think, but have now gotten to the "ah, feck it" point. I think it's a mistake to try to use grace as evangelism, though. Nobody's likely to inquire, even if they are curious--it looks private. And it takes the focus away from the one you're talking to.
  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    Lamb Chopped wrote: »
    I think it's a mistake to try to use grace as evangelism, though. Nobody's likely to inquire, even if they are curious--it looks private. And it takes the focus away from the one you're talking to.
    Definitely this. It also risks a bit of “look how pious we are.”

    In restaurants, my family of origin always did what my parents called “Quaker blessings”—a short bit of silence with heads bowed. These days, if we’re out with others, my wife will typically say something simple like “Thank you God for this food” or “Thank you God for this food and for friends” before we all start eating.

  • quetzalcoatlquetzalcoatl Shipmate
    This is a simple one we use on meditation retreats, "at one with the universe, we give thanks for the food we eat; at one with the food we eat, we give thanks for the universe".
  • TelfordTelford Shipmate
    I am sad to say that I very rarely say grace.
  • PomonaPomona Shipmate
    As someone who also has OCD or at least some of the same behaviours, I agree with @Lamb Chopped that what you describe sounds like active OCD to me - remember that rumination can be a compulsion just as much as physical actions. This is not a criticism or an attempt at diagnosis, simply a gentle nudge.

    I would echo @Nick Tamen especially with the use of Oxbridge college graces. It also occurs to me that using Latin might help avoid getting stuck inside your own head too. Benedictus benedicat seems like a good option. Aside from anything else, praying for longer than your meal takes to eat doesn't seem like a good idea, and if it's hot it would be a shame if it went cold due to a long grace.
  • questioningquestioning Shipmate
    edited May 1
    When my children were very young, we used what I now consider my "brainwashing" prayer:

    "Thank you God, for yummy supper" or lunch, or whatever.

    See the brainwashing bit? It still is our go-to when in public places where anything much longer feels too pious, as Nick Tamen said.
  • cgichardcgichard Shipmate
    In public, just "Glory to God".
    At home by myself: "O Christ our God, bless the food and drink of your servants, for you are holy, now and into the ages of ages. Amen."

    But all too often when on my own, I forget to say any thanks after the meal
  • ArethosemyfeetArethosemyfeet Shipmate
    I grew up with grace being for Sunday lunch, specifically "we thank you dear Father for giving us this day our daily bread." I couldn't say what the origin of that was (other than a call back the Lord's prayer).

    I don't really "do" grace now, as not all my household are Christian. I do rather like the legend surrounding St Baithéne that he would murmur “Deus in adjutorium meum intende” (“O God, come to my aid”) every second bite while eating.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Not really a thing for me. Too many memories of school. There were a small number of us who actually muttered "from what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly immune". Being thankful for the shite our school kitchens put out would have require a miracle on the scale of Sarah's pregnancy.
  • Gill HGill H Shipmate
    Arethosemyfeet wrote: »
    I do rather like the legend surrounding St Baithéne that he would murmur “Deus in adjutorium meum intende” (“O God, come to my aid”) every second bite while eating.

    Insert your own joke about a family member’s lack of cookery skills here…
  • Alan29Alan29 Shipmate
    Not for decades.
    Though I do like the grace our child-minder taught our young children
    In the mouth
    Round the gums
    Look out tummy,
    Here it comes.
  • ArethosemyfeetArethosemyfeet Shipmate
    edited May 1
    Gill H wrote: »
    Arethosemyfeet wrote: »
    I do rather like the legend surrounding St Baithéne that he would murmur “Deus in adjutorium meum intende” (“O God, come to my aid”) every second bite while eating.

    Insert your own joke about a family member’s lack of cookery skills here…

    Given that Baithéne was a monk and his nearest family was St Columba... :mrgreen:

    Though, actually, given he was running the monastery for Naughty People in Tiree for much of his life I wouldn't be surprised if that quality of monastic catering was a bit variable.
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    When it is just Mr Nen and me we don't say grace. If we are with friends, sometimes we do and sometimes we don't. Sometimes it's a short period of silence which may or may not involve holding hands round the table. Sometimes one person will say a brief thank you for the food and for friendship. Last weekend we were away with friends and at one of the mealtimes we sang an unaccompanied verse of "Praise God from whom all blessings flow" which was rather lovely.

    I am all for brevity. You don't want the food to get cold.
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    We bought or were given, maybe twenty years ago, a grace dice (about 8-10cm) which we used at mealtimes for everyone to take it in turns. This had six simple graces printed on its faces, only one of which tended to be unused as it had no reference either to food or to thankfulness. We all took turns to say grace. We still do that, but without using the dice these days. I don’t know if we’d do the same now as I’m not keen on some of the graces on similar products these days.
  • DardaDarda Shipmate
    Was it Desmond Tutu who once used a grace along the lines of; Oh Lord who fed John the Baptist with locusts & wild honey, we thank you for providing a more varied menu
  • angloidangloid Shipmate
    A certain C of E bishop and his wife had a rule that if the meal included potatoes, you said grace. If it didn't, you didn't.
  • alienfromzogalienfromzog Shipmate
    You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.
    G.K.Chesterton
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    Darda wrote: »
    Was it Desmond Tutu who once used a grace along the lines of; Oh Lord who fed John the Baptist with locusts & wild honey, we thank you for providing a more varied menu

    :lol: I like that a lot and am hoping for a suitable occasion soon to use it.
  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    edited May 1
    BroJames wrote: »
    We bought or were given, maybe twenty years ago, a grace dice (about 8-10cm) which we used at mealtimes for everyone to take it in turns. This had six simple graces printed on its faces, only one of which tended to be unused as it had no reference either to food or to thankfulness. We all took turns to say grace.
    Yes, we had one of those, too, when the kids were little!

    We also used The Blessing Cup on birthdays, holidays, first or last day of school, to celebrate an achievement or the like. We had (and still have) a particular pottery cup that was bought (at a place special to the family) and used only for that purpose. We have sometimes given the book, perhaps with a cup, to friends or family when they had their first baby.

  • MrsBeakyMrsBeaky Shipmate
    BroJames wrote: »
    We bought or were given, maybe twenty years ago, a grace dice (about 8-10cm) which we used at mealtimes for everyone to take it in turns. This had six simple graces printed on its faces, only one of which tended to be unused as it had no reference either to food or to thankfulness. We all took turns to say grace. We still do that, but without using the dice these days. I don’t know if we’d do the same now as I’m not keen on some of the graces on similar products these days.

    We have what I think must be the same dice here- I bought it years ago at a retreat centre. It's mainly used when we have grandchildren here as they don't really do grace at home apart from the two in NZ whose father is a vicar.
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    At family meals these days, my matriarchal Aunt S will *ahem* encourage everybody to join hands, while she says a simple grace, such *Thank you, Lord, for family and friends, and bless this food to our use*.

    When I was a lad, we said (before a meal)

    Thank you for the world so sweet,
    Thank you for the food we eat,
    Thank you for the birds that sing,
    Thank you, God, for everything.

    After the meal we would say:

    Thank God for my nice breakfast/dinner/tea (delete as appropriate).
    Please may I get down?

    I kid you not.
    :wink:
  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    Bishops Finger wrote: »
    When I was a lad, we said (before a meal)

    Thank you for the world so sweet,
    Thank you for the food we eat,
    Thank you for the birds that sing,
    Thank you, God, for everything.
    Ah yes, we used to sing that one sometimes.

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    I don't actually recall singing it, but my head tells me that it fits nicely to the tune of Loving Shepherd of thy sheep...
    :wink:
  • Gill HGill H Shipmate
    Yep, sung every day when I was young to that tune.
  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    Not a hymn I’m familiar with, so I had to look it up at hymnary.org. Neither tune it lists for “Loving Shepherd of Thy Sheep” is the one we used to sing “Thank You for the World So Sweet” to.

  • Gill HGill H Shipmate
    Buckland is the one we used.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited May 1
    Bishops Finger wrote: »
    At family meals these days, my matriarchal Aunt S will *ahem* encourage everybody to join hands, while she says a simple grace, such *Thank you, Lord, for family and friends, and bless this food to our use*.

    When I was a lad, we said (before a meal)

    Thank you for the world so sweet,
    Thank you for the food we eat,
    Thank you for the birds that sing,
    Thank you, God, for everything.

    Oh Cthulhu I remember that. Horrid thing. I wasn't convinced the world was sweet (as the gazelle said as the lion brought it down). It's just to rhyme with the next line isn't it?
    After the meal we would say:

    Thank God for my nice breakfast/dinner/tea (delete as appropriate).
    Please may I get down?

    I kid you not.
    :wink:

    And did you have to wait for his permission, or was it suspiciously channelled through parents?

    (What did you say if the meal had not been nice - e.g. my school's sweet and sour pork*)?

    *It had tubes and things in it and it was Lilac**. I have no idea how they managed to do that, and really wished they hadn't tried.

    **we had it once when we were doing flame tests in chemistry. It was the exact colour of a potassium flame.
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    KarlLB wrote: »
    Bishops Finger wrote: »
    At family meals these days, my matriarchal Aunt S will *ahem* encourage everybody to join hands, while she says a simple grace, such *Thank you, Lord, for family and friends, and bless this food to our use*.

    When I was a lad, we said (before a meal)

    Thank you for the world so sweet,
    Thank you for the food we eat,
    Thank you for the birds that sing,
    Thank you, God, for everything.

    Oh Cthulhu I remember that. Horrid thing. I wasn't convinced the world was sweet (as the gazelle said as the lion brought it down). It's just to rhyme with the next line isn't it?
    After the meal we would say:

    Thank God for my nice breakfast/dinner/tea (delete as appropriate).
    Please may I get down?

    I kid you not.
    :wink:

    And did you have to wait for his permission, or was it suspiciously channelled through parents?

    (What did you say if the meal had not been nice - e.g. my school's sweet and sour pork*)?

    *It had tubes and things in it and it was Lilac**. I have no idea how they managed to do that, and really wished they hadn't tried.

    **we had it once when we were doing flame tests in chemistry. It was the exact colour of a potassium flame.

    Yes, the permission was channelled through a Parent. I was cynical enough at an early age not to believe otherwise.
    :naughty:

    In fairness to My Old Mum, I can't remember any meal that wasn't nice (or palatable at the very least) - she was a first-class cook, especially when it came to Pastry... :yum:
  • Jengie JonJengie Jon Shipmate
    Bishops Finger wrote: »
    At family meals these days, my matriarchal Aunt S will *ahem* encourage everybody to join hands, while she says a simple grace, such *Thank you, Lord, for family and friends, and bless this food to our use*.

    Oh dear my sisters ability to wriggle seems to have affected the lives of others rather badly. The holding of hands during grace was my parents way of stopping us from wriggling when we were small. I was not a wriggler but my sister...

  • PuzzlerPuzzler Shipmate
    It is all well and good to thank God for our food, as long as we also thank those who prepared and cooked the food, especially if they are present.

    At school, we had a very enthusiastic Music teacher who came into the dining hall with his tuning fork and conducted a version( not sure whose) of Non nobis Domine, as a canon in 3 parts. I believe the top part went up to top G, and covered two octaves. It was far too long and food got cold.
  • PomonaPomona Shipmate
    @KarlLB well bananas will also be lilac if you burn them, it doesn't make them bad...but I see your point.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Jengie Jon wrote: »
    Bishops Finger wrote: »
    At family meals these days, my matriarchal Aunt S will *ahem* encourage everybody to join hands, while she says a simple grace, such *Thank you, Lord, for family and friends, and bless this food to our use*.

    Oh dear my sisters ability to wriggle seems to have affected the lives of others rather badly. The holding of hands during grace was my parents way of stopping us from wriggling when we were small. I was not a wriggler but my sister...

    Ack I missed the "hold hands" bit. Ick! Ick! Ick!
  • TelfordTelford Shipmate
    At one of our cricket league annual dinners, it went something like this
    "We thanks you for the food we are about to eat and also for our silly game of hitting a ball with a piece of wood"
  • Mavis GrindMavis Grind Shipmate
    No love for Robert Burns's Selkirk Grace then?
    Some hae meat and canna eat,
    And some wad eat that want it,
    But we hae meat and we can eat,
    Sae let the Lord be Thankit!

    Coming from a Quaker tradition, as I do, if I do anything it's a moment's silence with bowed head.
  • stonespringstonespring Shipmate
    @Pomona and @Nenya - I usually don't mind if my food cools down considerably before I eat it, because I am incredibly sensitive to temperature in food and I have an intrusive thought/recurring anxiety, whatever you call it, that I am going to burn my tongue (my tongue will even feel burnt and numb even after I put something into it that I know isn't hot enough to burn it) and that therefore I won't be able to taste my food and all the time or money that I spent making or buying it has been wasted. This does mean that sometimes I wish I could eat piping hot food or non-half-melted ice cream (since I am sensitive to cold as well and worried about the cold numbing my tongue) and enjoy the flavor of it, but my main worry is that my prayers (or whatever obsessive thing I do before eating, since there are others) will take long enough that other people's food will go cold (even though I don't even tell other people that I am praying silently, and tell everyone else to go ahead and eat, my husband and others don't like to eat until I have started to eat).

    I have noticed that with this and many other things regarding religion I have a perhaps misplaced envy of people who were raised in a household where the family prayed together, went to church together, talked about their faith and prayers to each other, celebrated religious holidays together, sang religious songs together, etc. Most people I know who grew up in an environment like this either feel scarred or jaded by it and think that I am ridiculous for wanting to do traditional religious things or are very socially conservative and therefore hard for me to open up to.

  • PomonaPomona Shipmate
    @stonespring I wonder if a spiritual director might help you explore these things.
  • AravisAravis Shipmate
    My aunt said that when she was a small child she occasionally wondered what the Foo-twa-youse was that her father wanted to bless before every meal. She decided it was probably a serving spoon.
  • Polly PlummerPolly Plummer Shipmate
    We also said at the end of a meal "thank God for my nice tea" but crucially the next bit was "Please Mummy may I get down" - no theological problems there.
  • lastbiscuitlastbiscuit Shipmate Posts: 3
    We tend to do a short free-style prayer before meals (often my kids want to do it) to basically just give thanks. Many in my tradition ask for blessings on the food, but I can find no scriptural basis for that so focus instead on thanksgiving.
    In my primary school, the lunchtime prayer was "For this food and those who prepared it, we thank thee Lord, Amen." which was nice and simple for kids of all ages to remember.
  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    Puzzler wrote: »
    It is all well and good to thank God for our food, as long as we also thank those who prepared and cooked the food, especially if they are present.
    Hence the blessing often heard where I am, along the lines of “bless this food and the hands that prepared it.” I generally feel “the hands that grew (or raised) it” should be included as well.

  • ExclamationMarkExclamationMark
    The Farm Workers Grace

    Good Lord pray bless us
    And keep us all alive
    For there are ten of us for dinner
    And food for only five.
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    🤣🤣
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    On reflection, maybe that Grace isn't a laughing matter, given the poor conditions in which many farm workers still live...
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    You beat me to it.
  • ExclamationMarkExclamationMark
    Bishops Finger wrote: »
    On reflection, maybe that Grace isn't a laughing matter, given the poor conditions in which many farm workers still live...

    That's very true. It's no joke - mind I'm not sure the alternative is either (but it is ironic)

    God bless the squire and his relations
    And keep us in our proper stations

    It was born out of hardship. Until very recently, the scandal of tied cottages went very much under the radar with no protection against eviction - certainly much less than the wider rental sector. Mt Great Grandfather was forced to leave a Farm for not bringing his son to work there on leaving school.

    That grace is a 19th century one. For all the labour movement's veneration of the Tolpuddle Martyrs, there's very little (if any) reference to the fact that they were Farm Labourers.
  • HeavenlyannieHeavenlyannie Shipmate
    edited May 5
    Their leader, George Loveless, was my Great great great grandfather.
  • ExclamationMarkExclamationMark
    Heavenlyannie wrote: »
    Their leader, George Loveless, was my Great great great grandfather.

    A great man who should be more lauded than he is for standing up for his beliefs.

    My ancesters (back at least 9 generations) were Farm Labourers in one village in South Cambridgeshire. As I once was, too. Arguably I am only around because of my Great Grandfather's convictions meaning a move from Littlebury near Saffron Walden to South Cambridgeshire. His daughter met my grandfather at their confirmations, I believe.
  • ArethosemyfeetArethosemyfeet Shipmate
    I grew up in South Somerset, not even 20 miles from Tolpuddle, but my education (barring a brief aside in A-level history while covering the 1906 Liberal government) did not even mention the Martyrs. Many of my ancestors were, like them, agricultural labourers with all the poverty and infant mortality that went with it. My ancestors left that life a couple of generations before @ExclamationMark 's so the association comes only from the census records (separated from living memory by miners and railwaymen) but there was no place for that in the "local history" we did at school.
  • ExclamationMarkExclamationMark
    Arethosemyfeet wrote: »
    I grew up in South Somerset, not even 20 miles from Tolpuddle, but my education (barring a brief aside in A-level history while covering the 1906 Liberal government) did not even mention the Martyrs. Many of my ancestors were, like them, agricultural labourers with all the poverty and infant mortality that went with it. My ancestors left that life a couple of generations before @ExclamationMark 's so the association comes only from the census records (separated from living memory by miners and railwaymen) but there was no place for that in the "local history" we did at school.

    We were fortunate in having a history teacher who had an interest in local history. We studied both and along with family oral tradition it began to make sense to me. I pass the stories and records down to my children and now to my grandchildren who drlight in using some dialect words like "clawth" and "mizzle." Hoddidod will have to wait unless you happen to read my blog.
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