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Make it work appropriate

GwaiGwai Epiphanies Host
in The Circus
Some friends were talking about how to talk at work about what they really mean. Like instead of saying: I fucking told you that, you bloody oaf. Should have listened to me and we wouldn't be in this mess.
You could say: Please see my recent email, where I shared my concerns on this topic.

Comments

  • Stercus TauriStercus Tauri Shipmate
    There's a story I heard from a management consultant about the glory days of the Liberal Party, long ago, when their slogan was 'One man; one vote'. Two men were working in a trench, looking up at a billboard, and one says to the other, "What's it mean - one man, one vote?" The other replies, "One bloody man; one bloody vote". "Well, why don't it say so then?" It was a good lesson in communication.
  • GwaiGwai Epiphanies Host
    I realize failed to suggest a way to start us off. Let's all translate the previous phrase to something work appropriate and then add our own more dramatic piece for someone else to translate.

    Original: Welp, you fucked around and now you found out. Serves you bloody right!
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited August 29
    Gwai wrote: »
    Welp, you fucked around and now you found out. Serves you bloody right!

    Looks like your curiousity got the better of you, and you're now bearing the foreseeable fruit. Lesson learned, we hope?

    NEXT...

    Holy crap, just 'cuz it's the weekend, ya think ya can just come in here with your filthy jeans sagging under yer hairy asscrack?!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    stetson wrote: »
    Holy crap, just 'cuz it's the weekend, ya think ya can just come in here with your filthy jeans sagging under yer hairy asscrack?!

    May I refer you to the office dress code?

    NEXT:

    If you think that idea's going to fly, you've got another think coming!

  • TheOrganistTheOrganist Shipmate
    I'd like to think that would work in a perfect world - but in this one I think maybe lower your expectations?

    Hang the expense, of course we can change your contribution to the annual report now that its been printed, bound and is sitting in the post room.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited August 29
    While sober second-thought is always an admirable undertaking, the window for adjusting the original conclusion has now, I am sorry to say, been closed.

    Yeah, I put scotch and strippers on the expense account. Do you wanna make this sale or not?
  • GwaiGwai Epiphanies Host
    We put significant effort and money into making lasting connections with this client, but it is all worth it since now they are planning to make a purchase.

    I already answered that question! It's part of this very email chain. Are you a blithering idiot who can't read without daddy's help or what?!
  • Schroedingers CatSchroedingers Cat Shipmate
    I believe that matter has already been resolved, and a decision has been reached on this matter. I would suggest you refer to the decision already made.

    No we can't "just change the layout" - are you technically illiterate, or just a complete idiot. Those changes are several weeks of work and we cannot do them.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    While it's understandable that not all employees would have a full understanding of the relevant procedures, your request for alterations to the layout is incompatible with the hypothetical time frame necessitated.

    Alright, listen up, people. Human Resources is cancelling the Christmas party this year, and you can thank that jerk in Accounting who got plastered at the last one and pissed on the tree.
  • ToitleToitle Shipmate Posts: 5
    when talking about someone in company emails, I often referred to, "my good friend" so and so. My good friend John Smith said he wasn't quite ready with his action item. My friends new that "my good friend" really meant "that frigging asshole". I once told my boss, "the boss isn't always right but he's always the boss. Even if I think you aren't right, you'll never stop being my good friend."
    Git.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    Back to the previous one:

    Unfortunately, owing to the inappropriate behaviour of a minority, the Christmas party has been unscheduled this year.*

    Next: No boss, I didn't invite X to that meeting because you didn't bloody ask me to. (This one may be inspired by real life :grimace:)

    *tangent/ Am I the only one who would have regarded the cancellation of the works Christmas party as excellent news? /tangent
  • RockyRogerRockyRoger Shipmate
    Toitle wrote: »
    when talking about someone in company emails, I often referred to, "my good friend" so and so. My good friend John Smith said he wasn't quite ready with his action item. My friends new that "my good friend" really meant "that frigging asshole". I once told my boss, "the boss isn't always right but he's always the boss. Even if I think you aren't right, you'll never stop being my good friend."
    Git.

    I found,'esteemed' colleague', most useful.
  • Leorning CnihtLeorning Cniht Shipmate
    la vie en rouge wrote: »
    Next: No boss, I didn't invite X to that meeting because you didn't bloody ask me to. (This one may be inspired by real life :grimace:)

    X was not on the list of invitees for the meeting. As the scope of the meeting seems to have shifted, can I suggest we reschedule when the appropriate people are available?
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    Leorning Cniht wrote: »
    la vie en rouge wrote: »
    Next: No boss, I didn't invite X to that meeting because you didn't bloody ask me to. (This one may be inspired by real life :grimace:)

    X was not on the list of invitees for the meeting. As the scope of the meeting seems to have shifted, can I suggest we reschedule when the appropriate people are available?

    Next one...?
  • Leorning CnihtLeorning Cniht Shipmate
    stetson wrote: »
    Leorning Cniht wrote: »
    la vie en rouge wrote: »
    Next: No boss, I didn't invite X to that meeting because you didn't bloody ask me to. (This one may be inspired by real life :grimace:)

    X was not on the list of invitees for the meeting. As the scope of the meeting seems to have shifted, can I suggest we reschedule when the appropriate people are available?

    Next one...?

    Whoops. OK, here you go:

    "So you ran out of washers half way through the job?"
    "Yes"
    "So why the bloody hell did you think it was useful or sensible to just keep going without using washers? On what planet is that useful to anyone?"

    Yeah, that one might have happened recently, too.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited August 31
    "So you ran out of washers half way through the job?"
    "Yes"
    "So why the bloody hell did you think it was useful or sensible to just keep going without using washers? On what planet is that useful to anyone?"

    Technological lacuna should be addressed prior to continuation of the project.

    Oh, great. Another professional-development seminar where a self-announced management guru in a cheap suit is gonna recite some canned bullshit about teamwork and the Chinese character for "crisis".
  • Stercus TauriStercus Tauri Shipmate
    An outcome of this motivational program will be the provision of tasteful plaques to be mounted on walls around the offices to further encourage to staff to aspire to greater achievements.

    If I need an effing plaque nailed to wall to tell me why I am here and what I should be doing I should be fired immediately on grounds of ignorance, incompetence and incapacity. Like a management consultant.

    As happened in real life. It did not advance my career.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited September 1
    Given the truistic quality of the undoubtedly well-intentioned inspirational messages adorning this office, might some of the wall space be repurposed for a morale-boosting return to the display of Page 3 ladies?

    ***

    You're expecting creative and innovative leadership at a company where the average executive is old enough to have watched The Flintstones in prime-time?
  • Stercus TauriStercus Tauri Shipmate
    stetson wrote: »
    Given the truistic quality of the undoubtedly well-intentioned inspirational messages adorning this office, might some of the wall space be repurposed for a morale-boosting return to the display of Page 3 ladies?

    ***

    You're expecting creative and innovative leadership at a company where the average executive is old enough to have watched The Flintstones in prime-time?

    Tangent...

    The receptionist at one of my employers was a retired Page 3 lady with a great personality and a decisive way of protecting us from unwanted visitors. On occasion, she enjoyed shocking people with The Pictures of her in her Page 3 outfit, which consisted of a sombrero.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    Stercus Tauri wrote: »
    The receptionist at one of my employers was a retired Page 3 lady with a great personality and a decisive way of protecting us from unwanted visitors. On occasion, she enjoyed shocking people with The Pictures of her in her Page 3 outfit, which consisted of a sombrero.

    I assume the photos WEREN'T her method of deterring unwanted visitors? Would seem likely to have the opposite effect.
  • Schroedingers CatSchroedingers Cat Shipmate
    stetson wrote: »
    You're expecting creative and innovative leadership at a company where the average executive is old enough to have watched The Flintstones in prime-time?

    Here at Shitshow Inc we believe in maturity and the wisdom that comes with age to ensure that we retain our place in the business. This has served us well in the past, and we can see a bright future for us.

    A company meeting? Why should I want to listen to the fucking board tell me how much their fucking shares are worth and how there is nothing to give me a pay rise despite the fact the we did all the fucking work?
  • GwaiGwai Epiphanies Host
    While I deeply understand the importance of company meetings, I have pressing deliverables for the client and will of course listen to the recording of the meeting afterwards.

    No I damn well can't work any more efficiently. If you give me more work, you will get less quality. Are you planning to take the responsibility for that, bozo?
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    My workload has now reached a point at which acceleration of activity would be inversely proportionate to quality of results. In the event of further assignments, the assignee should be prepared to accept accountability for any outcomes such as predicted above.

    So is everyone on board with me to get the background music changed in this place, or do you all like listening to subliterate hillbillies twangin' the banjo all day?
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