Saying Grace

Gracious Rebel

I've been reading a book about 'The surprising power of ideas that don't make sense ' ('Alchemy' by Rory Sutherland) and in passing he alluded to the practice of saying grace before meals, a practice he has a soft spot for because 'paying attention to good things that one might easily take for granted seems a good approach to life - a pause to focus attention on a meal should add to it's enjoyment ' (in a footnote he noted that the modern equivalent might be taking a photo of the meal!)

Got me thinking about the circumstances under which 'saying grace' is still part of my life. Certainly as a child it was a given in my family ...without fail before each meal. Even nowadays, if I have the family over for a meal and my father is present I will ask him to say grace, or do so myself. Same for if older people from church come to lunch.

And at official church meals, even if it's just a buffet afternoon tea, someone (usually the minister) will call for a bit of hush and say grace before everyone starts to eat.

But that's about it for me these days. What part if any does grace before meals figure in your life? For people who do (or did) say grace: Does it matter whether or not it's sitting at a table? What about out in a restaurant? What constitutes a 'meal' that requires grace....probably not a cup of tea and a biscuit? Where do you draw the line?!

Nenya

We never said grace before meals when I was a child so the first time I came across it was when I went to school and certainly at senior school it was always said before dinner. The staff would take it in turns so it was in Latin when the classics master said it.

We don't say grace as a family; I guess we may have done when the Nenlets were young, but nowadays meals when Mr Nen and I are on our own are usually eaten off trays in front of the TV and at times when we're round the table with family and friends we don't either. The last time we did was when we had some conservative evangelical Romanian house guests. In fact I very seldom think of it and wonder whether I should feel embarrassed about that. There's the odd occasion when we've been round at friends for a meal and realised that everyone has loaded up their plates and are looking expectantly at each other...

Nick Tamen

As it happens, I’m sitting in a restaurant grabbing a quick lunch after church as I read this. And before eating (or looking to see what’s new on the Ship), I said a blessing.*

It’s an every meal thing for us, regardless of who is present or how many are at the table. We do it even if we’re eating in front of the tv; the tv just gets paused or muted for the duration.

When I was a child and we were in a restaurant, we’d do what my parents called “Quaker blessings”—silence with everyone praying on their own. Now when we’re out, one of us will generally say something simple, along the lines of “Thank you God for this food,” or “Thank you God, for food and friends” before forks are lifted. If it’s just me, whether at home or out,” I use a very short (two words) Latin blessing, said quietly.

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* In my family, as well as in my church experience, it’s always referred to as saying a/the blessing rather than saying grace.

Aravis

I grew up with my parents and younger brother insisting on saying grace for every meal, even if it was a sandwich in a busy café or a birthday tea at home with friends from school, and became increasingly embarrassed by this. The only time I ever say it now is if it’s Christmas dinner and my brother is there.

Puzzler

My parents said grace both before and after meals. At its simplest, it was “ God bless this food”. Or maybe “ For every cup and plateful, Lord we are truly grateful” .
I don’t say grace, but did when the children were very small. “ Thank you Jesus for my tea”. At my secondary school, grace was said in the dining room. Then one very keen music teacher came in with his tuning fork and directed the singing of Non Nobis Domine, in 3 part canon. Meanwhile food was getting cold.
The only time I hear Grace now is at the Methodist church before a meal.

NicoleMR

When I was a kid and young adult, my family used to have Thanksgiving dinner with my aunt's family, and we always said grace then. It was the job of the youngest member. That was the only time we did though.

BroJames

When I was a child, Grace used to be said on special (usually family) occasions. When our children were small, we got a grace dice, and everyone took it in turns to roll the dice and say grace. We weren’t strict if the dice came up with a grace which someone didn’t want to use. We still do tend to say grace now when we sit down together for a meal. (Even if it’s just my wife and me.)

jedijudy

We asked a blessing for every meal when I was growing up. I still do, even though I've been by myself for almost two decades. My Daughter and her Dear Hubby don't have a blessing, and we don't even necessarily start eating together except for holiday meals. They do ask me to bless the food on those holidays, though.

I think one of the saddest things I ever witnessed was my dad forgetting how to pray the blessing he had said for close to a century.

Cheery Gardener

That must have been very hard to observe, @jedijudy, it must have been very challenging at the time.

My husband mostly says his childhood grace and I just pray a simple thankyou for the food and for providing for our needs today.

I suspect our daughter won't continue this into her own home, but I suspect that our son will

Heavenlyannie

Mr Heavenly was brought up in a Christian household where they said grace, and still do. I was brought up in a non-Christian household and consequently have no background of saying grace and my children weren’t brought up to say grace either. We say grace at bible study group meals.

Gamma Gamaliel

I'm trying to recover the practice. We did it back in my evangelical days, but not always at home, more at church gatherings.

The Orthodox tend to say a short prayer before meals and some keenies do so afterwards too.

Food is never far away in church life and the priest will bless the food and snacks available after communion. As we fast before communion then these are very welcome.

I tend to say a quiet prayer when eating in a restaurant or cafe but not always.

Gamma Gamaliel

As an aside, I'm coming to the view that short prayers to punctuate our daily activities in a Brother Lawrence, 'Practice of the Presence of God' kind of way is a good habit to cultivate.

MrsBeaky

Gamma Gamaliel wrote: »

As an aside, I'm coming to the view that short prayers to punctuate our daily activities in a Brother Lawrence, 'Practice of the Presence of God' kind of way is a good habit to cultivate.

Me too, the more so when life throws me curved balls!

When our children were small we said or sang a simple blessing. They went to Church schools (as did I) where it was always said.
Nowadays I say a simple silent prayer of thanksgiving but occasionally we attend gatherings where it is still routinely said.

Darda

I lived in Cambridge for a number of years. Although "town" rather than "gown", I was invited to some formal college dinners where a Latin grace beforehand seemed to be the rule.
Grace is the norm for "food events" at our church, and similarly in our church home group.

betjemaniac

My college at Oxford was Latin before the starter every night, Pusey House always did/does it, Masonic lodges do, as does the local hunt at their functions.

Mess dinners in the forces always - there’s a good brief naval one:

Good wine
Good meat
Good God
Let’s eat

Puzzler

It used to irritate me in church circles in my younger days to hear men thanking God for the food, but not thanking the ladies who had prepared it.

There is much to be thankful for, not just the food on our plates. More frequent, private prayers of thanks for many things certainly have a place, as @Gamma Gamaliel seems to suggest.

A Feminine Force

My parents were atheists so there were no thanks given before meals. But we thanked Mom for preparing it.

Later I developed one of my own based on the ancient spiritual principle of "we are what we eat" .

We say Thank You to the plants and animals and all the forms of life that have given theirs to sustain ours in this meal. We hope to be the kinds of people they would want to be a part of.

AFF

The Rogue

Growing up we always said grace. Dad (a vicar) wrote seven on cards which whoever had laid the table for the main meal read. At non-main meals the table layer got to choose and I always went for Thursday's because it was the shortest. In my household I'm the only one who goes to church and we don't say a prayer.

After eating my father-in-law always said thank you to whoever prepared the meal and that is a habit I have acquired, including when eating out.

The other day I was thinking about why we say grace and have concluded that it is saying thank you to God for creating a world in which there is food to eat and that continues even after the fall despite human-kind's attempts to knacker the process.

Nick Tamen

Puzzler wrote: »

It used to irritate me in church circles in my younger days to hear men thanking God for the food, but not thanking the ladies who had prepared it.

There is much to be thankful for, not just the food on our plates. More frequent, private prayers of thanks for many things certainly have a place, as @Gamma Gamaliel seems to suggest.

On most days, I say the blessing, and I use the one my father used, a version of a traditional German Moravian/Lutheran blessing (and known in these parts as “the Moravian Blessing”):

Come, Lord Jesus, our guest to be,
and bless these gifts bestowed by thee.
And with our daily bread impart
thy love and peace to every heart.

An alternative first part my father sometimes used was

Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest,
our morning joy, our evening rest.


But if occasion calls for something more, like if friends or family are gathered, then the blessing will include thanks for/prayer for blessing on all whose hands made the food on table possible.

A Feminine Force wrote: »

Later I developed one of my own based on the ancient spiritual principle of "we are what we eat" .

There was an understanding among some Native American people, or so I have read from what I think are reliable sources, that if you killed an animal for food and did not thank the animal after killing it, you would become sick from the food.

Lamb Chopped

My family is absolutely terrible at eating together at home, largely due to our weird schedules and also to not having a decent place to sit together (I started working from home during the pandemic, and they never called us back to the office. So now our dining room table is a computer station for me and our son, who graduated from university and is at home applying to grad school).

This means that if we remember to pray before eating, it's going to be silent and private. But when we're out, we do pray. Mr Lamb tends to do extempo stuff, while LL and I default to yet another version of the grace Nick mentioned:

Come, Lord Jesus,
Be our guest,
And let these / Thy gifts
To us be blessed.

(There's a discussion among St. Louis Lutherans as to whether it ought to be "these" or "Thy" or even "these Thy", based on "my grandparents did it this way, so that's obviously correct." It's the kind of discussion that comes up at church meals, with people teasing each other.)

Sandemaniac

My first girlfriend was very fond of "For what we are about to receive, tbe dog has just refused".

For some reason her mother was less fond of it...

North East Quine

We say grace before our main meal, unless we have guests who would feel awkward.

Many years ago, we had a cat who came to recognise that grace involved full plates and closed eyes and that a smart and swift cat could use that to her advantage.

We started saying grace with an elbow on the table on either side of our plate, cutlery in hand and pointing out.

Nenya

Sandemaniac wrote: »

My first girlfriend was very fond of "For what we are about to receive, tbe dog has just refused".

For some reason her mother was less fond of it...

That reminds me of a grace I came across years ago and can't remember properly now (or find online), possibly ascribed to Desmond Tutu; something along the lines of, "God who in the desert provided John the Baptist with locusts and honey, we thank you for providing us with something rather more appetising."

Lamb Chopped

North East Quine wrote: »

We say grace before our main meal, unless we have guests who would feel awkward.

Many years ago, we had a cat who came to recognise that grace involved full plates and closed eyes and that a smart and swift cat could use that to her advantage.

We started saying grace with an elbow on the table on either side of our plate, cutlery in hand and pointing out.

🤣🤣🤣

Stercus Tauri

betjemaniac wrote: »

My college at Oxford was Latin before the starter every night, Pusey House always did/does it, Masonic lodges do, as does the local hunt at their functions.

Mess dinners in the forces always - there’s a good brief naval one:

Good wine
Good meat
Good God
Let’s eat

That's good. I'm more familiar with the even shorter version for people in a hurry:

Thank God
Let's eat.