Loving God

I've come to the conclusion I am, and I think always have been, about theology and liturgy.

I don't love God. I'm also considering whether I love anyone elsewhere in the sense of a deep care for them. I may be a psychopath.

I hear about people loving God and acknowledging Him as their Lord and Master and this is something I do not have. I believe, quite traditional beliefs, but I'm not sure I've ever had a "conversion" experience or really had an encounter. Probably best I don't have one as it wouldn't go well for me.

Are there any out there who have similarly struggled? I think, in the way back time, I may have posted a similar thread but my memory is not helping. Does one just plough on, holding on to one's faith and being moved, at times, by hymns and prayers? Or as God know it's all a fraud and despises any worship I may try and offer do I just not bother?

Comments

  • Forgive me for sticking my nose in. Love is as love does. Not having the emotions or any fancy experiences says nothing about whether you love God. I mean, you're clearly interested in him, if you like theology.

    God makes all of us different, and there is nothing wrong with being like you. Quite a few people here are like you, to judge from previous threads. If I myself am different, it's likely because I was severely damaged in my childhood.
  • I used to struggle like you, wondering why I didn’t have feelings for anyone but my close family - and then not all of them. I had a vague notion that God existed but I did not pursue it or go to church.

    It wasn’t until I was bereaved that I really wanted to know, and then I was open-minded so I would have been happy enough if I found nothing there. But Jesus is there. Jesus guided me to faith in God, and more than that. Jesus led me to people who were suffering. Helping them helped me. Over time I learned to love everyone, complete with idiosyncrasies, and I learned to love God. Not sure whether one came before the other, or they were simultaneous. But belief came first, love came later.

    There was a pivotal moment when I said yes to God, when I invited Jesus into my life.

    I don’t believe that God ever despises us: rather, God loves us whether we worship God or not.

    I hope this helps.
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    @Climacus I think you might value this piece of writing by Brian Sanderson https://www.brandonsanderson.com/blogs/blog/outside
  • ((((((( @Climacus ))))))
  • Whether it’s attended by emotion or not, I think our choice, our will, is much more critical. ❤️
  • Lamb Chopped: thank you. I have heard something similar (act lovingly) from someone else a while ago so a lesson I need to learn clearly.

    Raptor Eye: thank you for sharing your personal experience; I appreciate it and it helps.

    Doublethink: an interesting and helpful read -- thank you.

    ChastMastr: thank you. That makes sense.
  • I have found Lewis' Screwtape Letters and Madeline L'Engle's Wind in the Door both helpful for these concepts.
  • edited October 2024
    Climacus wrote: »
    I don't love God. I'm also considering whether I love anyone elsewhere in the sense of a deep care for them. I may be a psychopath.

    I totally identify with this, though I’d describe myself as a sociopath rather than psychopath as while I may not be capable of genuinely loving people, that doesn’t mean I actively wish to cause them harm.

    Not all the time, anyway.
  • Hey @Climacus, just a reminder that there are many words for and indeed forms of love, some of which are agápē, érōs, philía, philautía, storgē, and xenía. I'm also reminded of the Colour Wheel Theory of Love, which is similar, but not identical. I'd encourage you to remain open to a continuum of love, and not let yourself be too preoccupied with any particular form or manifestation.
  • Marvin the Martian: sociopath is the term I meant, sorry. I do not wish harm on people either. Thank you for sharing. While I feel for you (it you don't want me to, sorry), knowing I am not alone in this is some comfort.

    The_Riv: thank you. I have not read "Screwtape" for a while; perhaps I should look for a copy. I'll look at the "Colour Wheel of Love" and thank you for the encouragement you gave.
  • Climacus. You're OK. You're loved. Martin
  • Thank you, Martin; I appreciate that.
  • Climacus wrote: »
    Thank you, Martin; I appreciate that.

    You're welcome Climacus. I should have said 'You're OK. And you're loved'.
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