Loving God
I've come to the conclusion I am, and I think always have been, about theology and liturgy.
I don't love God. I'm also considering whether I love anyone elsewhere in the sense of a deep care for them. I may be a psychopath.
I hear about people loving God and acknowledging Him as their Lord and Master and this is something I do not have. I believe, quite traditional beliefs, but I'm not sure I've ever had a "conversion" experience or really had an encounter. Probably best I don't have one as it wouldn't go well for me.
Are there any out there who have similarly struggled? I think, in the way back time, I may have posted a similar thread but my memory is not helping. Does one just plough on, holding on to one's faith and being moved, at times, by hymns and prayers? Or as God know it's all a fraud and despises any worship I may try and offer do I just not bother?
I don't love God. I'm also considering whether I love anyone elsewhere in the sense of a deep care for them. I may be a psychopath.
I hear about people loving God and acknowledging Him as their Lord and Master and this is something I do not have. I believe, quite traditional beliefs, but I'm not sure I've ever had a "conversion" experience or really had an encounter. Probably best I don't have one as it wouldn't go well for me.
Are there any out there who have similarly struggled? I think, in the way back time, I may have posted a similar thread but my memory is not helping. Does one just plough on, holding on to one's faith and being moved, at times, by hymns and prayers? Or as God know it's all a fraud and despises any worship I may try and offer do I just not bother?
Comments
God makes all of us different, and there is nothing wrong with being like you. Quite a few people here are like you, to judge from previous threads. If I myself am different, it's likely because I was severely damaged in my childhood.
It wasn’t until I was bereaved that I really wanted to know, and then I was open-minded so I would have been happy enough if I found nothing there. But Jesus is there. Jesus guided me to faith in God, and more than that. Jesus led me to people who were suffering. Helping them helped me. Over time I learned to love everyone, complete with idiosyncrasies, and I learned to love God. Not sure whether one came before the other, or they were simultaneous. But belief came first, love came later.
There was a pivotal moment when I said yes to God, when I invited Jesus into my life.
I don’t believe that God ever despises us: rather, God loves us whether we worship God or not.
I hope this helps.
Raptor Eye: thank you for sharing your personal experience; I appreciate it and it helps.
Doublethink: an interesting and helpful read -- thank you.
ChastMastr: thank you. That makes sense.
I totally identify with this, though I’d describe myself as a sociopath rather than psychopath as while I may not be capable of genuinely loving people, that doesn’t mean I actively wish to cause them harm.
Not all the time, anyway.
The_Riv: thank you. I have not read "Screwtape" for a while; perhaps I should look for a copy. I'll look at the "Colour Wheel of Love" and thank you for the encouragement you gave.
You're welcome Climacus. I should have said 'You're OK. And you're loved'.