Something about Gene Hackman's Death.

I had thought about putting this in the Aging Parents thread, but I decided it would change the thrust of that thread where caring people really struggle with the needs of their loved ones.

Here is the deal about the death of Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa. While Betsey was thirty years younger than Gene, she was by no means a well person. Her cause of death was Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrom in which can lead to death in four to ten days if left untreated. Betsey really should have been in the hospital as sick as she was.

When she died, it left Gene alone for up to a week before he passed. Given his advanced stage of Alzheimer's likely did not even realize Betsey had died. On top of that, they had a dog that was crated that died too because there was no one to care for it after Betsy died.

The question rises, was there any contact with Gene's children? He had three children by his first marriage, but their relationship with their dad was complex. Apparently, there was little contact.

It seems to me, given the advanced age of their father, maybe there should have been more contact. Then too, given the issues of losing the sole provider, there should have been some follow up in place just in case the provider suddenly becomes incapacitated.

We really cannot do anything about Gene or his wife, Betsy, now, but maybe we can learn from this tragedy. If you are caring for a loved one, please make sure someone is checking in on you. You never know how fast things can change. Here is an article about that.

I know when my father became ill, I would call once a week to see how he and mom were doing. My brother lived nearby so I know he would check in on them daily. As he became more incapacitated, I would drive eight hours one way once a month to see them. Unfortunately, I did not make it down before he died.

I continued the weekly calls with Mom but as she got frailer, I would call her daily. And I continued the monthly visits. I was not able to get down to see her when she died because of a severe snowstorm.

Now that I am in my mid-seventies, I am still in good health, but I know there will be a time when Mrs. Gramps and I will need more care. It is a very good thing we have good relationship with our kids. And we do have some contingency plans in place regarding assisted living when it comes to that.

If you still have parents, look out for them. If you are the parent, work with you loved ones to develop a plan of action for what will inevitably come.

(I watched one of the later Gene Hackman films last night--that is what got me to thinking about his death today.)

Comments

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    (I watched one of the later Gene Hackman films last night--that is what got me to thinking about his death today.)

    Which movie?
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Behind Enemy Lines in which he played an Admiral of an aircraft carrier in the Adriatic Sea off Bosnia during that war. He has to go rescue one of his pilots which was shot down. Not his best.
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    Betsey Arakawa's workload must have been immense - a husband with Alzheimer's, a huge house, three dogs. The effort of keeping on top of the housework in a massive house, plus the additional work created by her husband; I don't think I could do it single-handedly. I'm assuming that their garden was large enough to simply let the dogs run around, and that they didn't need to be walked.

    And yet they appear to have had no domestic help, no cleaner, no laundry service, no carer to assist with personal care.

    They were millionaires. They could easily have afforded a cleaner. It seems to me that they must have chosen not to have domestic help. Perhaps they didn't want his adult children to be too involved with his life, either?

    Who knows?

    I wouldn't be too quick to criticise his adult children.
  • Nick TamenNick Tamen Shipmate
    I wouldn't be too quick to criticise his adult children.
    Indeed. The whole situation seems like one we’re very ill-equipped and under-informed to do more with than make assumptions and speculate. To me, at least, it seems to be verging on gossip.

  • I worry for my dad who is fiercely independent and refuses to put me in touch with anyone in his state who could do a welfare check on him if he fell out of contact with me. He doesn’t seem to visualize the scenarios I do. I’ve already been one person’s lifeline through phone check ins, and wound up being the first to worry and find her when she didn’t answer due to a stroke. With my dad, I’m going to have to rely on police for welfare checks from 1500 miles away—and he’ll hate that, if he’s not in extremis.
  • edited March 16
    That's a worry, LC. Though (easy for me to say, I know) - if he won't do it, he won't do it, and he gets to make the choice. There's a chance if his head goes soft over a longish time period (which seems to be the case with my Dad) he'll worry enough to let you in a bit more - my Dad now rings after every 'iffy' phone call he gets, which would not have happened a while ago, and asks for reassurance ( I was going to list some examples, but really just the fact of his asking is the point, because he never would have in the past). At the moment I am gently reminding him how far up the creek he'll be if he pisses off his church friend and also the neighbours, with too much hassle over old man IT issues, phone problems, etc etc. I know he'll ignore me, but nowadays it is more likely to be because he has forgotten our conversation, than because he's chosen to ignore me. It's dead weird, getting a chance at a more normal family life due (apparently) to senescence, but FWIW I'll take it.
  • CrœsosCrœsos Shipmate
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    Here is the deal about the death of Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa. While Betsey was thirty years younger than Gene, she was by no means a well person. Her cause of death was Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrom in which can lead to death in four to ten days if left untreated. Betsey really should have been in the hospital as sick as she was.

    This may not alter the analysis of the wider point, but the timeline of Hackman and Arakawa's deaths has been revised in light of new information.
    Officials initially said they believed Arakawa died on 11 February and Hackman died one week later.

    The Santa Fe County Sheriff's Office now says they have confirmed that Arakawa made multiple calls to a health clinic on 12 February for medical treatment, which the clinic told BBC she never was able to receive.

    The sheriff's office said they learned of the calls when they received cell phone data from her phone.

    They said there were three calls made that morning to Cloudberry Health, a personalized concierge medical practice in the area. She received a fourth call, also from the clinic.

    The sheriff's office noted it never reported an official date of death for her and said that initially they'd stated that Arakawa's last known activity was on 11 February. Authorities say she'd exchanged emails with a massage therapist and visited a grocery store, pharmacy and a pet store. Garage clicker data showed she returned home around 5:15 p.m. that day.

    Dr Josiah Child, who leads Cloudberry Health, told the BBC that while the clinic had never treated Hackman or Arakawa, she had reached out for medical advice.

    "She called and described some congestion but didn't mention any respiratory distress, shortness of breath, or chest pain," he said.

    Arakawa initially had scheduled an appointment for 12 February but cancelled on 10 February, explaining that she needed to care for her husband, Dr Child said.

    On the morning of 12 February, she called again seeking treatment but because no doctor-patient relationship had been established, the clinic told her she needed to be seen in person.

    "There were a couple calls back and forth to just schedule that appointment for the afternoon, but she never showed up," Dr Child explained. "Our office called back several times and never got an answer."

    So Arakawa recognized she had a health problem serious enough to merit medical attention but was unable to receive it in a timely manner. One wonders how differently things would have played out if she'd been able to keep the original appointment on February 12. The sticking point seems to have been not having someone to look after Hackman in her absence, which goes back to the original point about lack of outside contact or social support networks.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    I am sure this varies from place to place, but after my father died and my mother was living alone, we had her sign up for a service offered by the State (or maybe it was the County government...after all these years, I forget). Anyway, the service consisted of a daily wellness call. Mom would answer the phone, exchange greetings with the caller, and then hang up. If the phone service did not get a response from her, they would call either myself or my brother to check on her.
  • That's a worry, LC. Though (easy for me to say, I know) - if he won't do it, he won't do it, and he gets to make the choice. There's a chance if his head goes soft over a longish time period (which seems to be the case with my Dad) he'll worry enough to let you in a bit more - my Dad now rings after every 'iffy' phone call he gets, which would not have happened a while ago, and asks for reassurance ( I was going to list some examples, but really just the fact of his asking is the point, because he never would have in the past). At the moment I am gently reminding him how far up the creek he'll be if he pisses off his church friend and also the neighbours, with too much hassle over old man IT issues, phone problems, etc etc. I know he'll ignore me, but nowadays it is more likely to be because he has forgotten our conversation, than because he's chosen to ignore me. It's dead weird, getting a chance at a more normal family life due (apparently) to senescence, but FWIW I'll take it.

    He does get to make the choice, just as I told my husband my mother got to make the choice of refusing to have me come out there when she was dying--basically she was gambling on whether she would still be alive or not when our originally scheduled visit took place. She was, but barely, and was pretty much past communication at that point.

    It did me a great favor, though, as up until he heard her refuse with her own voice, my husband had believed it was I who was refusing to do a proper daughter's job of caring for her mother while leaving this world. He could not imagine a mother rejecting her daughter that way. I, unfortunately, could, and for good, longstanding reasons.
  • I'm really sorry LC - I made a pigs ear of that 'contribution'. I think I wanted to try to express some solidarity with you in dealing with someone bloody-minded (from experience!), a sense that it is not your fault (which you know, of course) and some hope that he might come around a bit even due to a decline. But I failed - sorry, and I am sorry you are having a shit time with him.
  • You didn't fail at all--I was building off your contribution! Riffing on it, you might say. It gave me to think. And I hope very much that our situation improves as we get further out from the main reason why he was so stubborn, and who knows, possibly learns to trust me a bit more... your Dad's outcome gives me hope for mine.
  • I do hope it gets better. I'm down with him at the moment - he sleeps, I use the internet, quiz show burbles in the background. I'm sorry your Mum died angry, and glad your husband got it in the end.
  • He did, thank God!
  • ChastMastrChastMastr Shipmate
    Sending love and hugs and prayers for everyone who has struggled or is struggling with all of these things.
  • I've been away for a bit CM, and should have replied to thank you before. I think I've said it before but you're a nice bloke :-)
  • ChastMastrChastMastr Shipmate
    I've been away for a bit CM, and should have replied to thank you before. I think I've said it before but you're a nice bloke :-)

    Aw 🥰
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