My thanks for above. There seems to be some sort of 'rule of thumb' that the older you are, getting a tumour, the less likely it is to be very aggressivebut this probably lacks sgtatistical back-up!
Thank you, Climacus. I'm currently suffering from a (rare - lucky me!) side effect of my chemo: my legs are terribly bloated, and I'm carrying about 20 pounds of water weight. Since I weighed 108 pounds when all this started, it's a significant addition, and quite uncomfortable. I'm in physical therapy for it, which helps, but not enough. I'm hoping my oncologist figures out something to help with it soon.
#teamRossweisse - do pressure tights or bandages help? (Someone else I follow somewhere else has oedema from missing lymph glands following breast cancer and if her hands swell up she's bandaged until it drains.)
#teamRossweisse - do pressure tights or bandages help? ...
I'm wearing compression socks (fun ones, but not too fun - black, white, and grey patterns; the white bits leave interesting indentations in my legs), but it's not enough.
I'm getting a week off from the infusions; a friend and I are going out of town on Sunday for what is probably my last trip. I'm hoping that will make a difference in the swelling, but all my pants are so tight with this that I'm wondering what to pack.
Last night was really rough. I finally arose to take a pain pill; when I got back to bed, the Junior Cat shifted to curl up under the cover and in the circle of my arm; she purred like a motorboat until I finally fell asleep. The Feline Ministry to the Sick!
Anyway, I don't mean to whinge, but I do greatly appreciate your kind responses. They make me feel much better.
I am sorry about the swelling and discomfort, but it sounds like you are in good paws. I have read that the vibrations from purring can have positive effects - I know they always lift my mood.
The Feline Ministry To The Sick.....I've only ever heard of this on the Ship, but it does sound as though it is Most Efficacious, and much to be desired.
Sadly, I'm allergic to cat fur (it makes me sneeze, and it makes my eyes swell up and get very sore), but I acknowledge that the Cat is a Most Sagacious Animal, sent by God to comfort and assist suffering Humming Beans.
A part Siamese stray with the gentlest and funniest personality came to live with us just before I was laid very low with a bad reaction to chemo. For several weeks he lay on the bed beside me, and we held meaningful conversations between our naps. He stayed around until I was on my feet again, and then after a few more weeks, wandered off into the night. Someone said he may have been sent on a mission, and when it was done, he moved on. I missed him badly, but I liked that explanation.
Ongoing prayers for all posting and not posting.
You all remain in my thoughts even with long pauses between posts.
Thank you for sharing your living with us.
Horrible conversations regarding money with 2 of our 3 grown children in the past week. With Ms it's because she says she hasn't enough. Despite 2 reasonable incomes, 2 vehicles, ongoing support for childcare (that I arranged by bank transfer) as well as the usual government subsidies.
With Number One Son it's because he has money and wants more so he can do Early Retirement Extreme. (That's "a thing").
Can't they wait till I actually die? Or at least count more quietly. It's not even "millions" but is significant. It was from my parents' hard work and good management too, so not even "mine" per se (as I see it)
At the moment I hope I use it all up on drugs not covered by the Health Dept "basket"
I would be planning endowments to my favourite retreat place or for cancer research. And every time they count audibly tell them another $1 000 has gone to the favoured beneficiary. Because spending on drugs could increase the wish for that depletion to stop sooner.
Horrible conversations regarding money with 2 of our 3 grown children in the past week. With Ms it's because she says she hasn't enough. Despite 2 reasonable incomes, 2 vehicles, ongoing support for childcare (that I arranged by bank transfer) as well as the usual government subsidies.
With Number One Son it's because he has money and wants more so he can do Early Retirement Extreme. (That's "a thing").
Can't they wait till I actually die? Or at least count more quietly. It's not even "millions" but is significant. It was from my parents' hard work and good management too, so not even "mine" per se (as I see it)
At the moment I hope I use it all up on drugs not covered by the Health Dept "basket"
So disappointed, not to mention surprised.
The twin prospects of wealth and loss could warp the strongest psyches. Prayers for all involved as the future approaches.
Yes, I had thought of either the wee ginger doggie (a la Largerfeld's Choupette) or A Worthy Cause in the past few days. (But with 50% to Loyal Partner - already signed and sealed - to see him secure pension-wise )
I would be planning endowments to my favourite retreat place or for cancer research. And every time they count audibly tell them another $1 000 has gone to the favoured beneficiary. Because spending on drugs could increase the wish for that depletion to stop sooner.
Yes, I told Number One Son 6 weeks ago that every time he asked about the subject his share would decrease by $20K!
I think a beautifully appointed retreat library* named in honour of number one son, which benefits from $20,000 every time he complains would be fitting
Since this is the nether regions, are you a fan of Star Wars? If so, the 501st Legion may be a worthy recipient of your funds, while giving the fingers up:
In September, 2016, the creation of the 501st Legion Make-A-Wish Endowment Fund was announced. We challenged ourselves to raise $150,000 by September 2021 to grant Star Wars related wishes involving Legion appearances.
WE DID IT! Thanks to YOU and some of our most loyal supporters, we achieved that goal in just 10 months! Thank you so much for supporting the endowment and helping to spread the word. So let's keep it going!
I appreciate I might have added to the roll, but I really don't want this thread to become "my favourite charity". Suffice to say, there are many, many worthy causes out there we can remember in our wills and can give to while we're still above ground.
You can't take it with you when you go, but with some adept financial planning you can sure piss a lot of people off with it.
Galilit, I agree with Thunderbunk's comments about the prospects of wealth and loss.
I have recently heard similar comments to those of your children from a nephew and a sister-in-law regarding my oldest never - married brother who has Parkinson's, and I felt both angry and sad.
Could you perhaps do something dreadfully over the top, like a massive screaming weep with chest clutching, wailing, the like, the next time this starts--and inform them that it makes you feel horrible? They might start to refrain, if for no other reason than to avoid a repeat. ::devil smiley::
Not a chance - essentially, even if not Halakhically - I am a Jewish Mother.
Been doing it all their lives to be followed up by Partner's "line:" "Look! Look what you've done to your mother! Look at her and apologise!"
(We have a great double-act!)
I can't believe the balls on them to even broach such matters with someone (particularly their mother) who is fighting a serious illness. Up your deductions from their portion of future bequests to $50K per wheedle or whine.
The thing that has stopped me cutting them completely is that I got The Family Fortune (modest though it is in terms of The Modern World of multi-zillionaires) ) for no other reason than that I was the only one left alive (my brother had died 16 years before). I didn't have to do anything or be anything. So I feel that I should not impose conditions on them.
I have copied out Thunderbunk's post several times and it is at my side, under my pillow and in my pocket - as I think that describes the underlying psychological (emotional) dynamic that is operating for them. Thank you again, Thunderbunk
That still doesn't stop you bequeathing money to another project - as something that would benefit from much needed funds, rather than funding extreme early retirement.
When I learned that the cancer had gone into my liver, I asked my daughters over to tell them about it. When I asked if they had Amy questions, the elder said, “We need to talk about your will.”
Been thinking so much about this - maybe it's a situation that whatever they say is going to hurt. Not that I'd have wanted them to hug me either. Or blub and snot all over me (had enough of that as a mother in the old days). Maybe they don't know what to say either.
Though we have all had since 1996 (aged 9, 7, and 4) to think about Mum dying of cancer every so often (with a tangible reminder in 2009) and we are not unintelligent or inarticulate
They may not know what to say. I've been the only sibling living nearby twice now - both parents had a quick cancer and died within eight weeks of diagnosis. With my mom, we never acknowledged she was dying and with dad, it was spoken of in a very matter of fact way right down to what he wanted me to say in the eulogy. He did have his will updated and I know there is quite a bit of money but everything was left to our stepmother except for a small insurance policy that was split between the three children. I am the executrix and sometimes I find it hard to be living in poverty through disability and know that she has all of that while I got $3,000. I am pretty sure that my brothers thought that his estate would include the money from the sale of the family home years ago and the savings too. However, while we may have had vague expectations of inheriting more, we never ever mentioned it to each other nor to our parents. And it most certainly is not allowed to affect our relationship with her.
When we were teens, we each identified an valued item in the house to inherit from our mother and we got those when she died. Perhaps you could try that - offer them one item each and then designate the rest of the money to go where you wish it to go. If I were your children's aunt or Godmother or big sister, I would be extremely frank with them and stop that behaviour in its tracks.
Galilit, your information about how those two children have been so concerned about what money you can leave them have made me both sad and furious. I hope they are also helping you and trying to help you through your cancer treatments, but they seem a bit too selfish for that. I apologize if I am wrong.
Like Lily Pad, I am living in poverty (but blessed to have a place to lay my head at night!) because of disabilities. I have access to my parents' checking account, but it would be a cold day in you-know-where if I would take even one dollar from that. After Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and after they have both been treated for melanoma, I insisted they update their wills. It's a good thing we did that. My brother has been listed as executor since 1987. He lives in Thailand, and has only been to see them twice in over twenty years. That was a pretty impractical status.
Comments
My best wishes for some help from your oncologist.
From me too, but not too tight - don't want it to hurt!
I'm getting a week off from the infusions; a friend and I are going out of town on Sunday for what is probably my last trip. I'm hoping that will make a difference in the swelling, but all my pants are so tight with this that I'm wondering what to pack.
Last night was really rough. I finally arose to take a pain pill; when I got back to bed, the Junior Cat shifted to curl up under the cover and in the circle of my arm; she purred like a motorboat until I finally fell asleep. The Feline Ministry to the Sick!
Anyway, I don't mean to whinge, but I do greatly appreciate your kind responses. They make me feel much better.
Distant purrs coming your way from downunder. 😺
Sadly, I'm allergic to cat fur (it makes me sneeze, and it makes my eyes swell up and get very sore), but I acknowledge that the Cat is a Most Sagacious Animal, sent by God to comfort and assist suffering Humming Beans.
That Cat was clearly an AOTL.
#TeamRossweisse and The Feline Ministry to the Sick!
You know, BF, at the time, I would just have smiled politely at that, but now I am not so sure - you may be right.
Rossweisse, keep listening for a scratching at the door. It it's part Siamese and answers to the name of Leonides, let him in. You'll be glad you did.
"Feline Ministry to the Sick" is @Margaret's coinage, and it is accurate.
God bless all who help others.
You all remain in my thoughts even with long pauses between posts.
Thank you for sharing your living with us.
With Number One Son it's because he has money and wants more so he can do Early Retirement Extreme. (That's "a thing").
Can't they wait till I actually die? Or at least count more quietly. It's not even "millions" but is significant. It was from my parents' hard work and good management too, so not even "mine" per se (as I see it)
At the moment I hope I use it all up on drugs not covered by the Health Dept "basket"
So disappointed, not to mention surprised.
(For your money, not your children, although...)
Well, of course, to send the siblings to the shelter would be unfair to the animals.
The twin prospects of wealth and loss could warp the strongest psyches. Prayers for all involved as the future approaches.
Thank you for that piercingly cogent piece of analysis - I feel better already
Yes, I told Number One Son 6 weeks ago that every time he asked about the subject his share would decrease by $20K!
Or
I hear a lot of stories like this; I remain amazed every time. I'm a slow learner.
* or oncology ward, or ...
You can't take it with you when you go, but with some adept financial planning you can sure piss a lot of people off with it.
DT
HH
I have recently heard similar comments to those of your children from a nephew and a sister-in-law regarding my oldest never - married brother who has Parkinson's, and I felt both angry and sad.
Been doing it all their lives to be followed up by Partner's "line:" "Look! Look what you've done to your mother! Look at her and apologise!"
(We have a great double-act!)
Played out in 1000000 Jewish households every day
The thing that has stopped me cutting them completely is that I got The Family Fortune (modest though it is in terms of The Modern World of multi-zillionaires) ) for no other reason than that I was the only one left alive (my brother had died 16 years before). I didn't have to do anything or be anything. So I feel that I should not impose conditions on them.
I have copied out Thunderbunk's post several times and it is at my side, under my pillow and in my pocket - as I think that describes the underlying psychological (emotional) dynamic that is operating for them. Thank you again, Thunderbunk
When we were teens, we each identified an valued item in the house to inherit from our mother and we got those when she died. Perhaps you could try that - offer them one item each and then designate the rest of the money to go where you wish it to go. If I were your children's aunt or Godmother or big sister, I would be extremely frank with them and stop that behaviour in its tracks.
Like Lily Pad, I am living in poverty (but blessed to have a place to lay my head at night!) because of disabilities. I have access to my parents' checking account, but it would be a cold day in you-know-where if I would take even one dollar from that. After Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and after they have both been treated for melanoma, I insisted they update their wills. It's a good thing we did that. My brother has been listed as executor since 1987. He lives in Thailand, and has only been to see them twice in over twenty years. That was a pretty impractical status.