Mrs APZ99 remains in hospital ... lucid, or as lucid as she previously was. So far the kidney infection is lingering, and the hospital and associated health care workers are beginning to nut out a care plan.
The siblings are settling down at last and beginning to make peace. This is a good if somewhat strained thing. I'll be heading north (it's prohibitively expensive to travel between islands in this country) in a week or so so will get a glimpse then.
My sister's m-i-l died yesterday of covid complications at the age of 76. She had one last opportunity to facetime with her husband before they discontinued treatment.
Mrs APZ99 is unlikely to be allowed to return home - or to be eligible for the apartment she longed for at the retirement village ... or at least this is the case according to Sister Zappa's latest report.
This means she falls into something of a crack in the health system ... they are holding her in hospital for now until a bed in respite care becomes available. She is growing weaker and confused.
That sucks, Zappa. Might late mother spent 3 months in the hospital waiting for a bed in a nursing home. Those trapped in hospitals when they need a different level of care are often euphemistically and unkindly refereed to as bed blockers in Nb.
This means she falls into something of a crack in the health system ... they are holding her in hospital for now until a bed in respite care becomes available. She is growing weaker and confused.
We were lucky that neither set of parents fell into that position. Unfortunately, her present plight is likely to increase the confusion rather than help her through to longer term care.
Deepest sympathy from us both.
Thinking of you @zappa and all your family. Although it might not be what she set her heart on your mum may well thrive in a care home with people on call all the time and hopefully a lot going on.
A word of warning. We were strictly truthful about next of kin when Dad died and stated Mum. The produced problems as the death certificates could only be collected by first two next of kin which were Mum and me. Mum was not capable so it looked like a day off work for me. Fortunately it turned out to work that my sister could collect on my authority but they would not talk to her or tell her when they were ready.
My dad’s next of kin was my mum, and I think the next after that was actually my brother, but I was still allowed to collect the death certificate (this was in the UK in 2014).
I was regularly contacted as the “next of kin” for my aunt about 25 years ago, and then my dad from 2010-2014, when in both cases their next of kin was actually my mum. Several times this involved calls in the middle of the night concerning decisions about resuscitation.
Just found out my mother in law has Covid. Not wanting to get out of bed or eat anything, but not dangerously ill at the moment. A bugger though. I saw my mum this week. A total shell of the woman she once was but still firstly.
Just found out Dad has Covid. He had a sore throat for a couple of days, so did a lateral flow test. Positive result, so he got a PCR, which was done and sent back today. Now we wait for those results...
Mum's basically isolating herself from him! Simpler to move her laptop to one of our old rooms and sleep in one of our old beds, than to try and move his somewhat heavier computer setup and fit a tall man into a short bed.
Thanks @Sarasa. As of yesterday evening, he was up and about, feeling better, and grumping about how long it was going to be before he was fully fit again - to the point where Mum had some sharp words for him. Mum's been making broth and other easily-swallowed meals due to his sore throat (and to keep him away from infecting the kitchen ). So far she's been testing negative...
Hope your mother in law is improving.
Mrs APZ99 went home two days ago. Until late today Brother Zappa will be there with her, then there is a break of a few days before Kuruman and I pass through, staying (with gritted teeth ... the hygiene issues are not pleasant) for a couple of days. I thing the gerontolgists have made a terrble call ... though to be honest there's not much else they could do. I suspect she'll be back in hospital in days or weeks - days if she forgets her meds and has a black out, weeks if she eats off food from her fridge again.
Sad, lonely confused. It's a shit of an existence.
Sad, lonely confused. It's a shit of an existence.
(((Zappa and Family)))
That's exactly why I don't want to live as long as my APs have. At least right now they have each other, so the loneliness isn't an issue. Yet.
Mom and Dad are in one of the very best assisted living facilities in the area. Yet, unless I call the various groups of caregivers myself, they will do as little as possible to help. Dad apparently ate some food that disagreed with him a couple of days ago. After getting sick on the bed, the surly housekeeping staff person just remade the bed with the filthy sheets and spread! It took me all day to get them to finally put clean sheets on the bed and take the messed up ones to be laundered.
It's a rare week I don't have to go in or call multiple times to get these people to do what we're paying them to do. It's not cheap, either.
@jedijudy that is appalling and that it is supposed to be one of the best facilities is worse. It makes me appreciate the many good care homes I have known, and the one my mother in law spent her last decade in sits right at the top of the list. She was clean and comfortable, well fed, stimulated, taken on outings and treated as a person, not an inmate. And the place smelled nice!
My mother was in an excellent nursing home for the last three years of her life. Even so, the family paid for "sitters" to be with her during the daytime. The sitters talked to her, read to her, helped her move from bed to chair, and generally kept her company. They also notified staff when there were problems. It was expensive, but fortunately she had the money and it made an enormous difference in her quality of life.
I must add that there are some wonderful people in Mom and Dad's assisted living facility, but they are not the ones who seem to be on duty when it's nighttime, and they are the ones who probably get burned out the quickest, I imagine that's because those people really do care.
My daughter and I have considered hiring carers for the times we can't be with Mom and Dad. My APs don't have the money and I certainly don't. One of my friends was able to hire caretakers for her elderly mother, F. It did give my friend a lot of peace of mind. Their financial circumstances were very different from ours, but it was a wonderful thing to know that F had advocates beyond her daughter.
That is appalling @jedijudy . In the uk there would be a manager that you could call with your concerns about the standards of housekeeping, but I guess things are slightly different in the US. @zappa, I wonder why they didn’t suggest your mother spent a week or two in a care home ‘recuperating’. That might have let her gain a bit more strength and enable everyone to see if she can manage at home.
It seems to me unless you are very lucky things really start to unravel after the age of 90. It’s certainly been the case for my mother and my mother in law, both of whom will be 94 early next year.
I would agree with Sarasa about 90 being something of a watershed.
Both my father and my mother-in-law seemed to go downhill rather rapidly around their 90th birthdays. Dad was being assessed for suitable care when he turned 90, and spent his remaining three years in an old people's home; David's mum went into a home about six months after her 90th, and died a year and a half later.
On my mother’s 89th birthday she declared in her usual forthright manner, “Next year I will either celebrate my 90 birthday, or I’ll be dead. Either way, there will be a celebratory service. I would like to be there for it.” She was indeed. She arranged to have a service cum tea party in the local Salvation Army Citadel, which she had never attended, having had to leave the Army when she married “out” some 60 years previously.
The following year she had a minor stroke, and was allowed home in time for her 90th birthday. She lived a further 18 months.
Yup, Mrs APZ99 is back in hospital. She had, it seems, a seizure on Wednesday night and was found, dazed and confused, by one of the carers that she hates on Thursday (yesterday morning). Maybe the gerontologists will grow a brain cell this time. She needs care, though whatever happens now she will be bewildered and confused.
I'm holding off getting back up there to see if there's any further deevlopments. At the moment she is being held in a medical ward for observations until after the weekend.
Oh dear @zappa. I hope your mother gets sorted out and moved to a nice care home, which may not be where she or some of the family would want her to be, but sounds like what she needs at the moment.
Ooops ... no ... now she's up and cheerful and looking forward to seeing her (other) son ... and going home. My niece tells me the staff have have told her that Mrs Z99 won't be going home though. The happies (despite a broken collar bone) won't survive the shock of not going home.
But honestly, there is no realistic way she should be home. The Dr advised my niece that her grandmother isn't capable of caring for herself at home any longer (I thinkthis was true five years ago). He expects the EPAs to be invoked next week, though more opinions will be sought. He plans to hold a meeting next week with the family to talk about it and in the meantime has asked my sister to find three retirement homes with dementia care that could take our mother.
Apparently MrsAPZ99 threw a Big Hissy Fit in her ward last night (there's only about 35 kg and 155 cms of her now so I'm guessing security weren't called), threatening to call the police, and berating staff ... or so I'm told. She certainly berated Sr Zappa ... though there are red rags and bulls there
Eventually staff got through to Big Br. Zappa (who had been flying home) and he was able to calm her down
But this now is going to be torture for her as she learns that her tenaciously grasped freedoms and unrealistic dreams are slipping from her
As with so many experiences that you all have navigated and/or are navigating , this will not be pretty
I think you are going to need a lot of 'love lies' to persuade your mother that she is moving to a care facility to recuperate or some such @zappa. Thinking of you all.
Comments
The siblings are settling down at last and beginning to make peace. This is a good if somewhat strained thing. I'll be heading north (it's prohibitively expensive to travel between islands in this country) in a week or so so will get a glimpse then.
Zappa, I'm with you on the costs of interisland travel.
This means she falls into something of a crack in the health system ... they are holding her in hospital for now until a bed in respite care becomes available. She is growing weaker and confused.
We were lucky that neither set of parents fell into that position. Unfortunately, her present plight is likely to increase the confusion rather than help her through to longer term care.
Deepest sympathy from us both.
I was regularly contacted as the “next of kin” for my aunt about 25 years ago, and then my dad from 2010-2014, when in both cases their next of kin was actually my mum. Several times this involved calls in the middle of the night concerning decisions about resuscitation.
Mum's basically isolating herself from him! Simpler to move her laptop to one of our old rooms and sleep in one of our old beds, than to try and move his somewhat heavier computer setup and fit a tall man into a short bed.
Hope your mother in law is improving.
Sad, lonely confused. It's a shit of an existence.
(((Zappa and Family)))
That's exactly why I don't want to live as long as my APs have. At least right now they have each other, so the loneliness isn't an issue. Yet.
Mom and Dad are in one of the very best assisted living facilities in the area. Yet, unless I call the various groups of caregivers myself, they will do as little as possible to help. Dad apparently ate some food that disagreed with him a couple of days ago. After getting sick on the bed, the surly housekeeping staff person just remade the bed with the filthy sheets and spread! It took me all day to get them to finally put clean sheets on the bed and take the messed up ones to be laundered.
It's a rare week I don't have to go in or call multiple times to get these people to do what we're paying them to do. It's not cheap, either.
My daughter and I have considered hiring carers for the times we can't be with Mom and Dad. My APs don't have the money and I certainly don't. One of my friends was able to hire caretakers for her elderly mother, F. It did give my friend a lot of peace of mind. Their financial circumstances were very different from ours, but it was a wonderful thing to know that F had advocates beyond her daughter.
@zappa, I wonder why they didn’t suggest your mother spent a week or two in a care home ‘recuperating’. That might have let her gain a bit more strength and enable everyone to see if she can manage at home.
It seems to me unless you are very lucky things really start to unravel after the age of 90. It’s certainly been the case for my mother and my mother in law, both of whom will be 94 early next year.
Both my father and my mother-in-law seemed to go downhill rather rapidly around their 90th birthdays. Dad was being assessed for suitable care when he turned 90, and spent his remaining three years in an old people's home; David's mum went into a home about six months after her 90th, and died a year and a half later.
The following year she had a minor stroke, and was allowed home in time for her 90th birthday. She lived a further 18 months.
I'm holding off getting back up there to see if there's any further deevlopments. At the moment she is being held in a medical ward for observations until after the weekend.
But honestly, there is no realistic way she should be home. The Dr advised my niece that her grandmother isn't capable of caring for herself at home any longer (I thinkthis was true five years ago). He expects the EPAs to be invoked next week, though more opinions will be sought. He plans to hold a meeting next week with the family to talk about it and in the meantime has asked my sister to find three retirement homes with dementia care that could take our mother.
May the decision makers at least be able to present a united front.
Eventually staff got through to Big Br. Zappa (who had been flying home) and he was able to calm her down
But this now is going to be torture for her as she learns that her tenaciously grasped freedoms and unrealistic dreams are slipping from her
As with so many experiences that you all have navigated and/or are navigating , this will not be pretty