There once was a beagle called Snoopy
Whose antics were really quite loopy
He put into a rage
A pop star backstage
When he bit and then chased off a groupie
Ed the engine steamed off down the track
Having vowed that he wouldn't look back
The Fat Controller
In his smart black bowler
Found himself rather taken aback.
A shiny green engine named Percy
Cried out loud "Lawks a mercy!"
The cat's in the chook yard,
But if Rev Awdry's off guard,
I think I can safely cursey.
"Ah", said Edward, "but I'm here,
And I am the good one, so there",
"Ah", said Edward, "but I'm here,
And I am the good one, so there.
If I should make a report,
You're for Cashmores of Newport,
The place for engines who swear".
A lady who walked like a duck
Thought that she was in luck.
She'd found a man who could think
And one who could tink.
And one who could use a wood chuck.
The girl and the boy were amused
And the mirror they verb'ly abused
But the mirror not cool
Marched them straight back to school
Where the head's anger was not diffused.
A Kelpie who loved to go swimming
Swam a race, in which he was winning
But alas on the pitch
He spotted a bitch
And jumped out for a morsel of sinning.
The punters weren't very pleased
The punters weren't very pleased
In fact they were utterly cheesed
When the favourite lost ground
To the outsider, who found
His rival'd been nobbled and teased.
It filled, though, the bookies with joy
It filled, though, the bookies with joy -
In fact, they'd arranged the decoy
As a plan to have fun
With a hundred to one
With the money, they each bought a toy
It was a jolly day for the boys
Who were having fun with their toys
Then Roy 1 and Roy 2
Started playing with glue
Now they're stuck to the floor - poor Roys
While listen to Radio 2
(yes, I really am that old. Are you?)
Steve Wright has been banished
And Wogan has vanished
No wonder I'm feeling quite blue.
My usual's Radio 4
My usual's Radio 4
It's talks I prefer so much more
It's Melvyn or news,
despite biased views.
I suppose that makes me a bore.
The really cultured like 3
The really cultured like 3
Which certainly won't include me
But of Gibbons or Tallis
I'll say nothing callous
Their music's the best that can be.
If your preference is Classic FM
You may get the odd little gem
If your preference is Classic FM
You may get the odd little gem
But the tune that you hear
Becomes a worm in your ear
And you'll dream crotchets, quavers and stems
Comments
Whose antics were really quite loopy
Whose antics were really quite loopy
He put into a rage
A pop star backstage
When he bit and then chased off a groupie
Liked neither rain nor wind that blew
Liked neither rain nor wind that blew
And James was proud
And Gordon was loud
But Edward was useful and blue!
Having vowed that he wouldn't look back
Having vowed that he wouldn't look back
The Fat Controller
In his smart black bowler
Having vowed that he wouldn't look back
The Fat Controller
In his smart black bowler
Found himself rather taken aback.
………………
Cried out loud "Lawks a mercy!"
The cat's in the chook yard,
Cried out loud "Lawks a mercy!"
The cat's in the chook yard,
But if Rev Awdry's off guard,
I think I can safely cursey.
"Ah", said Edward, "but I'm here,
And I am the good one, so there",
And I am the good one, so there.
If I should make a report,
You're for Cashmores of Newport,
The place for engines who swear".
Thought that she was in luck.
Thought that she was in luck.
She'd found a man who could think
And one who could tink,
Thought that she was in luck.
She'd found a man who could think
And one who could tink.
And one who could use a wood chuck.
______________
Saw two people having a ball
Saw two people having a ball
The mirror said "oi!"
To the girl and the boy
"Why are you both not in school!?"
And the mirror they verb'ly abused
But the mirror not cool
Marched them straight back to school
Where the head's anger was not diffused.
Gave thanks as he heard a dog yelp
Gave thanks as he heard a dog yelp
The Newfoundland dog
Swam out with a log
Towed him back with a rope made of kelp
Thanks - I had a last line ending in kelp, but not the 3rd and 4th
🙂 My brother in law has one of these dogs and takes it for swimming lessons!
Swam a race, in which he was winning
Swam a race, in which he was winning
But alas on the pitch
He spotted a bitch
And jumped out for a morsel of sinning.
The punters weren't very pleased
In fact they were utterly cheesed
When the favourite lost ground
To the outsider, who found
In fact they were utterly cheesed
When the favourite lost ground
To the outsider, who found
His rival'd been nobbled and teased.
It filled, though, the bookies with joy
In fact, they'd arranged the decoy
In fact, they'd arranged the decoy
As a plan to have fun
With a hundred to one
In fact, they'd arranged the decoy
As a plan to have fun
With a hundred to one
With the money, they each bought a toy
Who were having fun with their toys
Who were having fun with their toys
Then Roy 1 and Roy 2
Started playing with glue
Now they're stuck to the floor - poor Roys
(yes, I really am that old. Are you?)
Steve Wright has been banished
And Wogan has vanished
(yes, I really am that old. Are you?)
Steve Wright has been banished
And Wogan has vanished
No wonder I'm feeling quite blue.
My usual's Radio 4
It's talks I prefer so much more
It's Melvyn or news,
despite biased views.
I suppose that makes me a bore.
The really cultured like 3
Which certainly won't include me
Which certainly won't include me
But of Gibbons or Tallis
I'll say nothing callous
Their music's the best that can be.
If your preference is Classic FM
You may get the odd little gem
You may get the odd little gem
But the tune that you hear
Becomes a worm in your ear
You may get the odd little gem
But the tune that you hear
Becomes a worm in your ear
And you'll dream crotchets, quavers and stems
You're probably not into bling
You're probably not into bling
But current affairs
And politics - who cares?
You're probably not into bling
But current affairs
And politics - who cares?
Here you won’t hear anyone sing.
Like their sports - and preferably live
Like their sports - and preferably live.
But if their team's result's bad
They may just go mad
And their devotion to Radio 5 dive.