My church has admitted they did not respond to me before and have sent this supposed Safeguarding issue up to the Diocesan Safeguarding person who they claim can be more objective. Absolute nonsense. This whole process has been retraumatising for me because I'm being treated like a criminal and the Diocesan Safeguarding Officer is an ex Probation Service person who worked in prisons. I'm going to talk to a woman about it that I trust. So sick of all these officious men. I'm not going to see this Diocesan bloke on my own without a female advocate of my choosing present. It may be he just tells them what to do without speaking to me. I'm inclined to make a data protection request to find out what they've been saying about me.
Now they've offered me a meeting with the 2 male Church Wardens and the Archdeacon, all of whom have known this person for years, so hardly more objective. There's no way I'll sit in a meeting with 3 men after some of the experiences I've had in churches. Even if I took my friend along as an advocate, we'd both feel intimidated. It's not like they've shown any empathy or understanding so far. The Archdeacon twice suggested I just leave - that's not safeguarding. They neglected to tell me that I'm entitled to Interim Support, which is on the C of E website. They said if I prefer I can contact the Diocesan Safeguarding Team. Not sure what to do.
Could you contact both Interim Support and the Diocesan Safeguarding Team?
That's what I'm going to do. Writing to woman there. Have left message at Safe Spaces, which does the Interim Support. Phone lines were busy each time I called.
Could you take a second friend along and have two advocates for the meeting, so it won't feel like 3 against 2?
Ugh, I don't think I could bear it and that feels like too many people. I'm afraid of having a meltdown. I'm good at writing, but not at speaking to more than one person at a time or two if I really trust them and it's informal. Anyway, they are all too close to the person involved and his wife, who was also involved.
Gonna talk about it to a woman I know at the church tomorrow. These things are usually better sorted out by women working in informal, relational ways rather than legalistic processes. I think I can rely on support from the Church Knitting Group and Book Club!
Could you contact both Interim Support and the Diocesan Safeguarding Team?
That's what I'm going to do. Writing to woman there. Have left message at Safe Spaces, which does the Interim Support. Phone lines were busy each time I called.
Could you take a second friend along and have two advocates for the meeting, so it won't feel like 3 against 2?
Ugh, I don't think I could bear it and that feels like too many people. I'm afraid of having a meltdown. I'm good at writing, but not at speaking to more than one person at a time or two if I really trust them and it's informal. Anyway, they are all too close to the person involved and his wife, who was also involved.
Gonna talk about it to a woman I know at the church tomorrow. These things are usually better sorted out by women working in informal, relational ways rather than legalistic processes. I think I can rely on support from the Church Knitting Group and Book Club!
The church is a weird place for some of us. Some years ago I cautiously raised the issue of loose asbestos pipe lagging where I had been working in the basement, and suggested that we should have it removed, as eventually we'd be compelled to do it. I was told, by a member of the Board of Managers, not to make problems where there were none. He could bully the minister as well as everyone else, so I had no backup. Nothing was done until a major alteration to the building was carried out. It was unpredicted and therefore unbudgeted, and made a mess of that project.
Forward a few years to a major roof restoration, when the 'heritage' consultant decreed that the guttering and all the many downpipes must be in the original copper. I cautiously suggested that in view of the frequent metal thefts in the area, there might be a better way to do this. Absolutely not, I was told. We must be faithful to the architect who planned it 140 years go. Last week some of the pipes were torn out, and yet again, the insurance company will be asked to pay for our blunder.
There have been other issues where I have suggested better ways to handle obvious things like these, but I no longer know how to make myself heard. I don't like to shout and I don't think I am a bully. No; it seems I am just a negative person. We've been spending more time at a different church lately, enjoying a warm welcome there.
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I replied.
I don't know if suspended Shipmates can access/reply to their inbox, but Martin is currently suspended for a few weeks, @Antigone.
I don't know if suspended Shipmates can access/reply to their inbox, but Martin is currently suspended for a few weeks, @Antigone.[/quote]
Yes, they can because he accessed it while it still said Suspended ( I think).
Could you take a second friend along and have two advocates for the meeting, so it won't feel like 3 against 2?
Ugh, I don't think I could bear it and that feels like too many people. I'm afraid of having a meltdown. I'm good at writing, but not at speaking to more than one person at a time or two if I really trust them and it's informal. Anyway, they are all too close to the person involved and his wife, who was also involved.
Gonna talk about it to a woman I know at the church tomorrow. These things are usually better sorted out by women working in informal, relational ways rather than legalistic processes. I think I can rely on support from the Church Knitting Group and Book Club!
Prayers ascending!
Forward a few years to a major roof restoration, when the 'heritage' consultant decreed that the guttering and all the many downpipes must be in the original copper. I cautiously suggested that in view of the frequent metal thefts in the area, there might be a better way to do this. Absolutely not, I was told. We must be faithful to the architect who planned it 140 years go. Last week some of the pipes were torn out, and yet again, the insurance company will be asked to pay for our blunder.
There have been other issues where I have suggested better ways to handle obvious things like these, but I no longer know how to make myself heard. I don't like to shout and I don't think I am a bully. No; it seems I am just a negative person. We've been spending more time at a different church lately, enjoying a warm welcome there.