I'm so sorry for your loss LC, and glad that she didn't have to suffer for long, and glad that the timing worked out so that you could be there at the time she wanted. RIP
@Lamb Chopped I am not usually on this thread but happened to stop by this evening. My prayers are for you and all of her family. I am so glad you were able to be there.
My mother has been diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer. Not sure of the prognosis as it was detected by scan before the worst of the classic symptoms had set in. But I am in shock in spite of having been sure that something horrible was wrong since late October.
With the passing of my mother last spring, I am the elderly parent. We all will likely experience that. I am 73. I have had two knew replacements, and a back surgery. Right ankle surgery as well. I formally retired this last summer. My sciatica on the right side can give me a lot of pain but I am taking periodic injections to keep it under control. Seems like I am getting more arthritis in my shoulders too. It is the pits getting old.
Is it better than the alternative?
Having worked in Elderly Care, and being nearer 80 than 70 with a variety of ailments that limit my daily activity I can see a time in the not too distant future when I'd rather be with my Heavenly Father than in the care of Mr RoS.
He can't even talk about bodily functions, let alone deal with someone else's, and he never changed our sons' nappies nor emptied the cats' litter trays.
Sorry to hear that news @ThunderBunk . I hope your mum can be kept comfortable.
I've just phoned mum's care home to check how she is. They are in semi-lockdown due to covid so I don't particularly want to visit at the moment. The carer said she was OK in that tone of voice that suggests that someone is really anything but. However that is the reality of mum's existence at the moment.
I too am 70 this year, and so far seem pretty fit and healthy. However my dad died aged 70 so I can hear time's winged chariot creeping up on me.
I just finished reading "Being Mortal,Medicine and what Matters in the End," by Atul Gawande. At age 84 it sure helped me decide now I do and do not want to leave this life. I highly recommend it to everyone older or caring for a senior.
Being Mortal is a great book, we refer to the section on his father’s death on the course I teach on death and dying, and I recommend the book to my students (I also have his book ‘Complications’ on medical decision making).
It's been a while since I updated you on my parents.
The head hospice nurse called me yesterday to confirm what I assumed by observing Mom. She's in the transition stage, which can last a few weeks before starting the actively dying stage, which should last a few days.
Dad is a bit stronger after having eight weeks of occupational and physical therapy. He's distressed by his failing memory. He can't remember how to make phone calls to me, but knows enough to get help from the CNAs, so he still has some mental capacity!
I just held Mom's hand and rubbed her back and head and talked to her. She seemed to enjoy that and she indicates she's not in pain. She can't swallow anymore, and we're taking her off all her meds, with pain medication being available if she seems to be hurting. (I have no idea how they think she can take a pain pill if she can't swallow it.)
Mom is getting very, very thin. I think my thumb and pointer finger could easily meet if I would put them around Mom's wrist. She sleeps most of the day now.
I think she'll still be with us Sunday when we celebrate their 70th anniversary, which is actually on Monday...but...Sister Useless can't manage to be here that day.
Your prayers and good thoughts are so welcome and I appreciate every one.
Praying. They do have liquid morphine, I found out. Don't know if you'll have to advocate for that...
I'm hoping she'll remain comfortable without pain meds, but I absolutely will be talking to the nurses and doctor about an injectable pain med rather than a pill if she does have pain in the coming days.
Praying. They do have liquid morphine, I found out. Don't know if you'll have to advocate for that...
When my father stopped being able to swallow, he couldn't have the liquid morphine in case he aspirated it into his lungs. He was fitted with a morphine driver.
And yet another series of twists this morning, begging for prayer--my stepfather has managed to insult my husband, all unwittingly I think, and my husband now is considering either not going to the funeral or staying elsewhere, which will definitely lead to my stepfather feeling insulted. And of course i'm in the middle. Stepfather has serious serious SERIOUS communication problems which he's had lifelong and which probably would have been diagnosed as something if he had been born in a later generation, but husband can't see that and is responding neurotypically. And of course I myself may be wrong.
Thanks. Funeral is now finally set for Feb 25. Waiting for Mr Lamb to come home from funeral of a toddler (!) which is stressing him out sufficiently that I'm not even talking to him about this other stuff till it's all over.
That’s so far away! Is it normal to wait that long for a funeral these days? Here it is usually about a week (longer in England, I think, but more than a month is long). And in the distant past when I was ministering in the States a week was about the norm as well.
That’s so far away! Is it normal to wait that long for a funeral these days? Here it is usually about a week (longer in England, I think, but more than a month is long). And in the distant past when I was ministering in the States a week was about the norm as well.
Our most recent funeral was the first week in January, for a gentleman who died about a week before Christmas. The body was cremated beforehand, and the funeral held in the presence of the cremains. This was about as fast as all the paperwork could happen (which was slowed a bit because of the holidays.)
My neighbour opposite died a week before Christmas, and the funeral isn't until 31st January. The delay I think is mainly due to family being away, but it does seem like quite a while.
But yes, there is cremation involved, and for whatever reason he feels the need to have that all attended to (and interred, I think! military) before he has the service. Asking questions never gets me anywhere (except for lectures and sometimes anger) so I just go with the flow. But it does mean an extra 1-2 K$ just for that.
My father-in-law died just after we'd arrived in the UK on holiday, and the vicar was very apologetic that the funeral couldn't happen for another couple of weeks because of waiting for a slot at the crematorium.
As it happened, it worked out perfectly from a logistical point of view, because we didn't have to change any of our plans: we stayed with D's mum for a few days, then went up to Orkney to visit my dad. We'd have been stopping in Essex on the way back anyway, and D was able to play the organ and give a eulogy at the funeral.
I have to tell you something very special. The facility where Mom and Dad live had a Senior Prom this evening! A few days ago, they asked if I would play piano for it, which I agreed to immediately! (Dad is my biggest fan!)
Anyway, I think asking me to play was in order to make sure I was there, because they crowned my parents the King and Queen of the prom! Such a sweet, sweet thing for them to do! They said it was in honor of their anniversary, but I think it was mostly because Dad and I won't have Mom much longer.
I'm so grateful to this amazing staff for doing special things with the residents. They even had sparkly dresses for the ladies in the memory unit where Mom and Dad live.
Actually, this prom was a lot more fun than my High School Prom!!
Thank you all so much! The folks at the facility where my parents live are wonderful. I found out that the prom on Friday was the very first one they have done, and they plan to make it a permanent part of the festivities for the residents.
Actually, today was a perfect day to have the anniversary party, because Mom has moved from transitioning to actively dying. She is bedridden, and hospice has provided morphine for her pain. With several family members and our pastor and her husband attending, Dad was very happily distracted, at least for a bit. We were able to have shifts sitting with Mom at her bedside, and sitting with Dad in the party room.
I'm quite sure Mom knew we were with her today, and our pastor had a beautiful prayer for Mom and our family. She was facing Mom, and I was on the other side of the bed. My face was streaming with tears, and Pastor S said Mom had tears running down her face, too. So I know she heard and knows she's surrounded by love.
I'm very selfish, because I know there are few people who have had their parents as long as I have. I just do not want to give my Mama up. We have not had a perfect relationship by any means, but the last few years have been the most loving of all.
And JJ - you are not being selfish; you're not seeking anything for your mother or yourself better than that provided to others, or at their expense. Your wishes, thoughts and prayers are entirely natural and we join with you in them.
Thank you all for your kindness and sweet thoughts.
Mama went to Heaven this afternoon-however that works. God knows how he cares for his children. I'm certainly not wise enough to know.
And, Sister U has actually been helpful and supportive. My Daughter-Unit and her dear hubby have been absolute stars.
My Dad really needs your prayers. Today was their actual anniversary, and I think Mom was hanging on long enough to have this day with her Handsome and Loving groom.
Comments
With the passing of my mother last spring, I am the elderly parent. We all will likely experience that. I am 73. I have had two knew replacements, and a back surgery. Right ankle surgery as well. I formally retired this last summer. My sciatica on the right side can give me a lot of pain but I am taking periodic injections to keep it under control. Seems like I am getting more arthritis in my shoulders too. It is the pits getting old.
Having worked in Elderly Care, and being nearer 80 than 70 with a variety of ailments that limit my daily activity I can see a time in the not too distant future when I'd rather be with my Heavenly Father than in the care of Mr RoS.
He can't even talk about bodily functions, let alone deal with someone else's, and he never changed our sons' nappies nor emptied the cats' litter trays.
I've just phoned mum's care home to check how she is. They are in semi-lockdown due to covid so I don't particularly want to visit at the moment. The carer said she was OK in that tone of voice that suggests that someone is really anything but. However that is the reality of mum's existence at the moment.
I too am 70 this year, and so far seem pretty fit and healthy. However my dad died aged 70 so I can hear time's winged chariot creeping up on me.
The head hospice nurse called me yesterday to confirm what I assumed by observing Mom. She's in the transition stage, which can last a few weeks before starting the actively dying stage, which should last a few days.
Dad is a bit stronger after having eight weeks of occupational and physical therapy. He's distressed by his failing memory. He can't remember how to make phone calls to me, but knows enough to get help from the CNAs, so he still has some mental capacity!
I just held Mom's hand and rubbed her back and head and talked to her. She seemed to enjoy that and she indicates she's not in pain. She can't swallow anymore, and we're taking her off all her meds, with pain medication being available if she seems to be hurting. (I have no idea how they think she can take a pain pill if she can't swallow it.)
Mom is getting very, very thin. I think my thumb and pointer finger could easily meet if I would put them around Mom's wrist. She sleeps most of the day now.
I think she'll still be with us Sunday when we celebrate their 70th anniversary, which is actually on Monday...but...Sister Useless can't manage to be here that day.
Your prayers and good thoughts are so welcome and I appreciate every one.
I'm hoping she'll remain comfortable without pain meds, but I absolutely will be talking to the nurses and doctor about an injectable pain med rather than a pill if she does have pain in the coming days.
When my father stopped being able to swallow, he couldn't have the liquid morphine in case he aspirated it into his lungs. He was fitted with a morphine driver.
Echoing that very prayer. I very much hope for your family to unify during your grieving, LC.
Our most recent funeral was the first week in January, for a gentleman who died about a week before Christmas. The body was cremated beforehand, and the funeral held in the presence of the cremains. This was about as fast as all the paperwork could happen (which was slowed a bit because of the holidays.)
A friend was telling me his MIL was due for cremation in about 5 weeks - he said the crem is running flat out.
But yes, there is cremation involved, and for whatever reason he feels the need to have that all attended to (and interred, I think! military) before he has the service. Asking questions never gets me anywhere (except for lectures and sometimes anger) so I just go with the flow. But it does mean an extra 1-2 K$ just for that.
As it happened, it worked out perfectly from a logistical point of view, because we didn't have to change any of our plans: we stayed with D's mum for a few days, then went up to Orkney to visit my dad. We'd have been stopping in Essex on the way back anyway, and D was able to play the organ and give a eulogy at the funeral.
Anyway, I think asking me to play was in order to make sure I was there, because they crowned my parents the King and Queen of the prom! Such a sweet, sweet thing for them to do! They said it was in honor of their anniversary, but I think it was mostly because Dad and I won't have Mom much longer.
I'm so grateful to this amazing staff for doing special things with the residents. They even had sparkly dresses for the ladies in the memory unit where Mom and Dad live.
Actually, this prom was a lot more fun than my High School Prom!!
Actually, today was a perfect day to have the anniversary party, because Mom has moved from transitioning to actively dying. She is bedridden, and hospice has provided morphine for her pain. With several family members and our pastor and her husband attending, Dad was very happily distracted, at least for a bit. We were able to have shifts sitting with Mom at her bedside, and sitting with Dad in the party room.
I'm quite sure Mom knew we were with her today, and our pastor had a beautiful prayer for Mom and our family. She was facing Mom, and I was on the other side of the bed. My face was streaming with tears, and Pastor S said Mom had tears running down her face, too. So I know she heard and knows she's surrounded by love.
I'm very selfish, because I know there are few people who have had their parents as long as I have. I just do not want to give my Mama up. We have not had a perfect relationship by any means, but the last few years have been the most loving of all.
Mama went to Heaven this afternoon-however that works. God knows how he cares for his children. I'm certainly not wise enough to know.
And, Sister U has actually been helpful and supportive. My Daughter-Unit and her dear hubby have been absolute stars.
My Dad really needs your prayers. Today was their actual anniversary, and I think Mom was hanging on long enough to have this day with her Handsome and Loving groom.