Christian unity! Pah! That may be very well, but what's going to happen to the All Together Service? The Methodists are Not Happy, we've yet to break the news to the Church of the Nazarene. :O
Would you be happy if you had always done the after service coffee and found the CotN had got the job. I'd sympathise, but the Methodists use instant.
I'm a tad confused Brother Duck, didn't I read a proposal for a YF Easter sleepover in the minutes? Including a suggestion that they would cook bacon for bacon sandwiches on the Easter fire after the dawn service? Surely there are one or two predictable flash points here: keeping the the YF's raging hormones in check when you are planning to keep them together in church overnight and the unfortunate pyromaniac tendencies of little Charlie when you're asking for them to be involved in something so important as the Easter dawn service - the bonfire, lighting the Paschal candle and barbecuing bacon.
Yes. Well. Even after the 'come to Jesus' meeting we had with Mr. Eldridge, some of us have our doubts about his intentions! His wife has given him the 'Wife Eye'. Those of us who saw that are on our best behavior. Just in case.
And I think we should paint the vestry liturgically.
It's lent now, so purple is great, and then we can paint maybe just the door red on Good Friday and then the whole room can be white/gold until pentecost.
Oooh! Then we could get Martha to set fire to it for Pentecost, because she did the bonfire in November, remember?
I think it would be brilliant.
We could use the old copies of Hymns Really Ancient Indeed to start the fire.
But we'll really have to push people to volunteer to help.
Norman can sell raffle tickets, and Deidre can do the tea.
Deidre doing the tea is fine and dandy, but for heaven's sake don't let dear old Miss Blenkinsopp do the cakes. The vicar was out of action for a week after the "pineapples" in her pineapple upside-down cake turned out to be cubes of raw turnip ...
Deidre doing the tea is fine and dandy, but for heaven's sake don't let dear old Miss Blenkinsopp do the cakes. The vicar was out of action for a week after the "pineapples" in her pineapple upside-down cake turned out to be cubes of raw turnip ...
Someone has been watching "The Vicar of Dibley". That would be a Letitia Cropley special.
I'm glad to hear it, but he really should have made sure that his pew had a bit of carpet on it before he sat down. Those splinters can be very dangerous, and we can't remove them because we're a Listed Building.
Indeed. That's why the antique benches have been moved to the side away from the lean.
Am I to assume that Brother Stoo has found the meeting minutes or perhaps decided that our modest changes are a great improvement? I've missed seeing him helping out in the kitchen. He makes the best pastries!
Christian unity! Pah! That may be very well, but what's going to happen to the All Together Service? The Methodists are Not Happy, we've yet to break the news to the Church of the Nazarene. :O
Would you be happy if you had always done the after service coffee and found the CotN had got the job. I'd sympathise, but the Methodists use instant.
At least it's Fairtrade! After the last church council it was found that contributions to the refreshments funds were sadly lacking. If you will insist on those double chocolate M&S cookies, there will never be any more money for ground. *sigh*
Deidre doing the tea is fine and dandy, but for heaven's sake don't let dear old Miss Blenkinsopp do the cakes. The vicar was out of action for a week after the "pineapples" in her pineapple upside-down cake turned out to be cubes of raw turnip ...
Someone has been watching "The Vicar of Dibley". That would be a Letitia Cropley special.
Christian unity! Pah! That may be very well, but what's going to happen to the All Together Service? The Methodists are Not Happy, we've yet to break the news to the Church of the Nazarene. :O
Would you be happy if you had always done the after service coffee and found the CotN had got the job. I'd sympathise, but the Methodists use instant.
At least it's Fairtrade! After the last church council it was found that contributions to the refreshments funds were sadly lacking. If you will insist on those double chocolate M&S cookies, there will never be any more money for ground. *sigh*
That was down to old Mrs Ramsbuttocks. The old system of chocolate digestives but letting the Sunday school children out first cost even more and the older and slower members of the congregation never saw as much as a crumb.
Not only that, but letting the Sunday school children out first gave them more time to run riot round the church. The verger had to be cut loose from the string binding him to the font after Jimmy Scraggs had practised his nautical knots on him.
Thankyou for bringing to mind something which I promised the locum priest I would raise with the Altar Guild. The communion port bottle is empty. It was almost new before the Vicar went on leave.
You're sure that wasn't the angels taking their share? Or the organist refreshing himself while he practices in such a cold church? (I do have to say that he has been playing the Lenten hymns with very unLenten brio, so perhaps that would explain it!}
Well, they told us it was a mobile phone mast installation and we believed them ... but perhaps it wasn't. Certainly we've all noticed that all-pervading malty smell, but thought it was The Drains. And, come to think of it,. my phone reception is lousy.
Mind you, as a result of the influx of Tubs at the base of the belfry, the Treasurer is looking very happy, and not just because of the brandy-ish aroma on his breath...
....also, I see that Father's new cotta is simply awash with nice new French lace...
...and the Parish Clerk seems to be smoking his pipe more often.
Raises hand nervously I do apologise, but I think I might have come to the wrong meeting. I thought this was the committee for considering the new curtains for the vestry, but apparently not. Very sorry for the inconvenience...
I wondered why the Sunday School had taken to staring at the walls so much.
We are going to get to the vestry curtains in due course, but I fancy I hear the tea trolley approaching. Either that or the jingling bridle of the Spectral Horseman.
Mr. Chairman!Before we all start munching (and who's going to Hoover up the crumbs, eh?), let me remind you that those Vestry curtains were given in memory of dear Mrs. Sproggins who was a fearful - er, faithful - member of this congregation until her death in 1897. It would be a gross insult to her ever-fragrant memory to replace them, especially as the last person who actually knew her died in the War (the First rather than the Second, I believe). There are better things to spend our money on!
You weren’t here last week Brother Trainfan, so you missed the visit from Rentokil. They said they hadn’t seen an infestation like it since the earwig summer of ‘62.
Why was I not told about the visit from Rentokil? As Parish Rat-catcher, I insist that I be consulted about any sightings of pests or vermin, of whatever sort.
You all know very well that we get special discounts if we buy poison from my Uncle Borgia.
And why are we being forced to eat Jaffa cakes in Lent? The Bishop must be informed immediately.
And it’s not that we don’t appreciate your efforts. Though some folk are a bit funny about your hanging them by their tails from the pulpit as a warning to other rats.
Nasty modern stuff for the toffs! What's wrong with the odour of well-boiled cabbage? It was the overriding smell at my first school, and not just before lunch either!
The organist can count himself jolly lucky that he got asperged at all ...
There's a slight back-story to my post - last Easter Even, the Bishop, who's English and has a house near where D. comes from, started his asperging (is that the right word?) at the West end, and then said, "there's a chap from Colchester here, who needs spraying!" and proceeded to come right up to the choir-stalls and soak D. He's going to bring an umbrella this year.
[/tangent]
Back to the rats...they looked very festive hanging from the pulpit hooks with their little purple ribbons last Advent and now at Lent.
Has anyone thought about changing the ribbons to white for Easter?
I doubt it. The church cleaning team this week are all strict vegetarians. I could ask the Imam from the Mosque next door - he's a great friend of ours and I firmly believe in the faith communities coming togethger - but he might ask awkward questions about their Halal certification.
I think Mrs Bollingworth is usually responsible for liturgal rats and ribbons, isn't she? And she gets ever so upset if someone tries to do her job for her. Remember that set-to she had with young Nicky after he tried to arrange them more tastefully last year? He's still not walking right, though by all accounts he made some life-long friends in A&E during the 6 weeks he was there.
Ah, but these were feral (i.e. escaped) white rats. Don't you remember the story of young Master Bloodnock deliberately leaving his the door of his sister's rat-cage open because he wanted to see if the rats would go into her bed and nip her toes. Of course,. what actually happened was so unfortunate that she still doesn't talk about it, 18 years later ... But she's said to be very happy in her Convent.
Sorry to interrupt (did I just see something move?), but I've had a Miss Marshall on the phone, says she's the treasurer of Churches Together. She reckons we haven't paid our subs for this year and that if we don't, we'll have to pay for the hot cross buns for the joint Good Friday service and provide refreshments for the next meeting. What should I tell her?
I'm sure I saw something move just then... white it was...
If you ask me nicely, I'll make sure the white objects you've just seen are transferred to Miss Marshall's church....
Meanwhile, which of the two alternatives is most expensive? The hot cross buns, and subsequent refreshments, or the Churches Together subscription? Opt for the cheapest....
Comments
Look, it's difficult enough to keep the YF's raging hormones in check without supposedly mature, responsible adults exchanging double entendres.
That's not good, reacting in this way. You are making things wors....
Oh, sorry. you said mature, I read it as manure. As you were.
The nerve!
And I think we should paint the vestry liturgically.
It's lent now, so purple is great, and then we can paint maybe just the door red on Good Friday and then the whole room can be white/gold until pentecost.
Oooh! Then we could get Martha to set fire to it for Pentecost, because she did the bonfire in November, remember?
I think it would be brilliant.
We could use the old copies of Hymns Really Ancient Indeed to start the fire.
But we'll really have to push people to volunteer to help.
Norman can sell raffle tickets, and Deidre can do the tea.
<Youth Worker>
Someone has been watching "The Vicar of Dibley". That would be a Letitia Cropley special.
Am I to assume that Brother Stoo has found the meeting minutes or perhaps decided that our modest changes are a great improvement? I've missed seeing him helping out in the kitchen. He makes the best pastries!
At least it's Fairtrade! After the last church council it was found that contributions to the refreshments funds were sadly lacking. If you will insist on those double chocolate M&S cookies, there will never be any more money for ground. *sigh*
That was down to old Mrs Ramsbuttocks. The old system of chocolate digestives but letting the Sunday school children out first cost even more and the older and slower members of the congregation never saw as much as a crumb.
Have we got to the item about the apparition of the grey nun yet?
....also, I see that Father's new cotta is simply awash with nice new French lace...
...and the Parish Clerk seems to be smoking his pipe more often.
IJ
We are going to get to the vestry curtains in due course, but I fancy I hear the tea trolley approaching. Either that or the jingling bridle of the Spectral Horseman.
You all know very well that we get special discounts if we buy poison from my Uncle Borgia.
And why are we being forced to eat Jaffa cakes in Lent? The Bishop must be informed immediately.
IJ
Any attempt to remove either the hooks or the rats, and I shall take my services to St. Bed-Bugs, up the road.
In any case, if Father would only permit the use of more incense, the smell would just go away.
IJ
Oh, and Father, the next time you plan to asperge in the direction of the organist, would you give him some notice so that he can bring an umbrella?
[/tangent]
Has anyone thought about changing the ribbons to white for Easter?
Isn't that the same Imam that went to the Methodist church with his mother*, BT? I don't think he'll have a problem!
*Based on a true story.
Is Outrage!
ITTWACW!
IJ
(<votive> for Sister Bloodnock....).
IJ
I'm sure I saw something move just then... white it was...
Meanwhile, which of the two alternatives is most expensive? The hot cross buns, and subsequent refreshments, or the Churches Together subscription? Opt for the cheapest....
IJ