Yes, the entry into dementia can be very hard and different for each. We had 2 parents who lost their memories and each went through the stage of wondering what was going on. That was difficult, especially for my mother. Her period experiencing loss was over 6 months or so. But once that was through, they were peaceful. No good memories but no bad ones either.
It’s very common for people in the early stages of dementia to have a constant sense that something isn’t right, though they aren’t sure what. Sometimes they get anxious about the wrong things. I’ve met a few women with dementia who get anxious at certain times of day because their husband (long dead) hasn’t come home from work, or they need to go because their children (now in their 50s) are due home from school. And one memorable Somali woman who was looking out of the window at a traffic queue down the road and seeing it as a herd of goats she needed to round up.
Anxiety hit for AP at odd times and for totally inexplicable ( to us!) reasons.
In my previous working life, many a time I would hear of family or friends saying that They had this constantly nagging feeling that something was Not At All Right with their loved ones.
Certainly looking back, for our family there was a long run-in period of Something Is Not At All Right Here.
Doctors couldn’t or wouldn’t engage with family and this is not a doctor bashing statement, just factual from our situation.
“We are unable to….”
And I don’t think that was correct.
AP Would have welcomed a health professional showing an interest in them as a person. Encouraging a return in three months, almost for any reason they could find an excuse to offer an appointment for? AP could have been monitored that way.
[Years back now , Departed AP had a touching if irritating relationship with their health centre staff. Only for very dire reasons was Current AP allowed in for appointments. I think five times in entire life and there were serious medical issues.
And this led to really bad miscommunication, outright lying and caused a breakdown in trust between our parents.]
APs health centre refusing to engage with family Certainly led to much tears for us and a longer period of unsupported confusion for AP.
Yesterday we started on the clearing out of my mother in law's house. I was in theory valuing books, but I didn't get a lot done, though I've got some research to do at home in a bit. I did find her copy of The Fairchild Family that I've been wanting to read for years. Looking forward to that. At the moment things are going slowly with the sorting out as the siblings try to find a way forward that they all agree to. MiL seems to have settled into her care home well which is great.
{{{hugs}}} @Ethne Alba .
I had a call from mum's home today asking if I agreed with them giving her her medication covertly as she's been spitting it out. The GP has Oked it so I don't have a problem. More worryingly mum isn't eating much, though she is drinking fine.
Dementia and old age are the pits.
Yup ... thinking of you all through ups and downs. A99P Zappa seems in reasonably good space at the moment,still awaiting a unit but beginning to realize it may not happen yesterday. Bitterly resents the care-givers who visit her now three times a day "they're just interfering." But sounding stronger in voice and spirit than she was a couple of months ago. I'll head north in a fortnight to have a check-see - managed to wrangle a work trip.
I was discussing the pneumonia vaccine with a friend of my own age, and wondering what old people were going to die of, if not that? I'd rather pneumonia than dementia...
I have found that watching over older relatives and especially APs does rather focus the mind on my own end.
Dementia if it is confusion and challenging behaviour is indeed not to be hoped for. But you know, I d quite like to go like my AP is right now, gently into eternity.
Thing is we don’t get to choose these things do we?
I went to visit my mother today, but just as I got there she had a fall, so an ambulance has been called. The home has a very strict visiting policy so I couldn't go and see her, not that she recognises me anyway. Hopefully she will be OK and won't have to go to hospital, I'm just waiting for them to phone me back.
It gets worse. Six hours later and my mum is still on the floor as there are no ambulances available. The home is doing its best to keep mum calm and chivvy up the ambulance, but I feel so useless.
In less sad though not exactly cheery news my mother in law’s home has re-opened after being closed with a few Covid cases. Mother in law recognised my brother in law told him she loved him very much and asked that every one goes to visit as she has’nt much time left.
Ambulance has finally arrived and they are taking mum off to the hospital 30 miles away. The care home can't send anyone with mum so I'm about to head off there to meet her. From what I can gather it could well be a long night!
Make yourself some time in reserve if you can for *you*- the day after the funeral is the worst, because that's the day all the most urgent things are finished, and suddenly... what?
Comments
That goat example……
Anxiety hit for AP at odd times and for totally inexplicable ( to us!) reasons.
In my previous working life, many a time I would hear of family or friends saying that They had this constantly nagging feeling that something was Not At All Right with their loved ones.
Certainly looking back, for our family there was a long run-in period of Something Is Not At All Right Here.
Doctors couldn’t or wouldn’t engage with family and this is not a doctor bashing statement, just factual from our situation.
“We are unable to….”
And I don’t think that was correct.
AP Would have welcomed a health professional showing an interest in them as a person. Encouraging a return in three months, almost for any reason they could find an excuse to offer an appointment for? AP could have been monitored that way.
[Years back now , Departed AP had a touching if irritating relationship with their health centre staff. Only for very dire reasons was Current AP allowed in for appointments. I think five times in entire life and there were serious medical issues.
And this led to really bad miscommunication, outright lying and caused a breakdown in trust between our parents.]
APs health centre refusing to engage with family Certainly led to much tears for us and a longer period of unsupported confusion for AP.
No idea what the answer is tho…..
Thank goodness for that blessing, @Sarasa !
AP refusing food and drink.
Care home staff are fabulous.
Have really appreciated support here through this stage, thank you!
I had a call from mum's home today asking if I agreed with them giving her her medication covertly as she's been spitting it out. The GP has Oked it so I don't have a problem. More worryingly mum isn't eating much, though she is drinking fine.
Dementia and old age are the pits.
“ …and they Don’t fold the tea towels the correct way. Ever.”
Cue many sleepless nights for AP
@Sarasa - you are so right.
I was discussing the pneumonia vaccine with a friend of my own age, and wondering what old people were going to die of, if not that? I'd rather pneumonia than dementia...
Dementia if it is confusion and challenging behaviour is indeed not to be hoped for. But you know, I d quite like to go like my AP is right now, gently into eternity.
Thing is we don’t get to choose these things do we?
But I don't want to go like the Dowager, trying to climb out of bed and run away from it all.
Smiled at the sweet peas scent yesterday, then flat out.
Very best wishes for your poor ole mother.
It is odd when our APs don’t recognise us, isn’t it?
Think I am just
“That Nice Person, who appears to know a lot about me so I feel safe & secure with her.”
In less sad though not exactly cheery news my mother in law’s home has re-opened after being closed with a few Covid cases. Mother in law recognised my brother in law told him she loved him very much and asked that every one goes to visit as she has’nt much time left.
No words
Just slept their way out, very peacefully.
Now the hard work starts.
Thinking of you Ethne Alba.
Before my Dad died I didn't realize how much practical stuff needed to be done. Snatch some rest amongst the busyness.
Commiserations @Ethne Alba, gentle fading away is kind.
Make yourself some time in reserve if you can for *you*- the day after the funeral is the worst, because that's the day all the most urgent things are finished, and suddenly... what?