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Bad jokes

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  • Stercus TauriStercus Tauri Shipmate
    From the Diary column of the Glasgow Herald:

    “The only thing flat earthers have to fear is sphere itself.”
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    Did you hear about the frog that did an Ancestry DNA test?

    The results came back that it was mostly French, had a fair bit of German, and a tad Pole.
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Will someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is?
    Everyone I ask tells me it's private.
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    (Adapted from a colleague) Was the atom granted bail after being charged by the police?
    No, they wanted to keep an ION it...
  • sionisaissionisais Shipmate
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    Will someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is?
    Everyone I ask tells me it's private.

    A kind of in joke in the Royal Air Force is that there is one even lower, that of Acting Pilot Officer, for probationary direct officer entrants (ie, those who weren’t serving previously). They don’t have a substantive rank! Anyone who doesn’t pass basic training, never gets a proper rank. Bye bye.

  • ArethosemyfeetArethosemyfeet Shipmate, Heaven Host
    I just looked at buying a wooden car: wooden wheels, wooden engine, wooden bodywork - everything.

    One problem though...
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ... it wooden start.
  • ChastMastrChastMastr Shipmate
    Which archaeologist had the worst bladder problem?

    Leakey.
  • Schroedingers CatSchroedingers Cat Shipmate
    Sandemaniac wrote: »
    Did you hear about the frog that did an Ancestry DNA test?

    The results came back that it was mostly French, had a fair bit of German, and a tad Pole.

    I heard its legs were French.
  • SipechSipech Shipmate
    What did the cannibal say when first meeting their victim?
    Pleased to meat you
  • The RogueThe Rogue Shipmate
    The cannibal's children wanted to go out with the visitors but their mum told them not to play with their food.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    The Rogue wrote: »
    The cannibal's children wanted to go out with the visitors but their mum told them not to play with their food.
    There was an even sicker version of that one going the rounds when I was a child (quite a long time ago).

    "Mum, mum. I don't like Grandma".
    "Shut up and eat what you're given".

  • Alan29Alan29 Shipmate
    I knew that as
    Mummy, mummy I hate Daddy's guts.
    Well, leave then on the side of the plate, dear.
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