I hope things become clear very soon @Ethne Alba .
I had a surprise call from a social worker tonight regarding my mum. She's going in to see her on Monday regarding renewing or otherwise her Deprivation of Liberty Safeguarding order. When it was put in place in June 2019 mum was very adamant she didn't want to be in the home, even though Social Services and I thought it was the best place for her. I thought the Social Worker and I agreed I could be her representative even though I couldn't agree that she could go home. Turns out there has been a paid representative from the council doing it since that date that I knew nothing about. Social worker is phoning me back on Wednesday to discuss further after she's seen mum. That will be interesting.
Sounds weird to me also, but it does at least remove you from direct decision-making. In turn, that allows you to tell your mother that you're not the one making decisions she does not like.
Hope things are edging forward with moving your AP @Ethne Alba .
Social worker phoned last week, right on the dot which please me. I will become mum's representative. Nothing really changes, but at least it'll mean I'll get to see what they thought of her cognition etc when they assessed her.
After tomorrow things quieten down a lot so I'm going to start investigating the possibility of a move near me more seriously.
@Sarasa ….thank you. It’s been an interesting week!
Moving AP at this VeryInterestingCovidTime is eminently possible, but having the totally unexpected countdown to closure as well has been A Right Royal Pain In The Proverbial.
Different terminology cross border was …. Interesting.
And uncertainty surrounding level of care required just held Everything up. Whilst each individual person has been ok- Systems! Beset as this sector is with Their Own Supreme System that obvs doesn’t fit with anyone else’s! Exasperation has been expressed. By everyone. And with good cause.
But in short my AP is arriving in Scotland next week!
AP will be delivered into the arms of a competent, caring, no nonsense care home manager. And were it not for them…. professionals and family alike might still be stumbling in circles.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings. We have felt less alone.
That's brilliant Ethne Alba. and thank heaven for the home Manager.
Dad, who could be very awkward indeed. met up with such a Manager and it made a big difference. It became obvious that they both respected each other and his stay went more smoothly than I had dared hope.
So glad the move has been sorted. Hope your parent settles easily into their new home.
Now my busy week is behind me I'm starting to do some preliminary research into moving mum up here. At least I now have a better idea of what to look for in a new care home.
I am a bit miffed with the Assisted Living home where my APs are. Dad asked me to buy them some groceries so they would have something to eat if they didn't get their food in the dining room. The service has been terrible, and sometimes the food isn't what it had been when they moved in. Sometimes they have no cutlery.
I called the manager of the facility and left a voice message. No reply. I asked to speak to her in person at the front desk, was told she was in a meeting and would call back. Didn't happen. Friday, when I took the groceries to Mom and Dad's apartment, I was allowed into the manager's office and I showed her that I brought food because my APs weren't getting what they order and sometimes have nothing to eat with. She said she would talk to the kitchen staff. (I had already done that.) When I told her it's mostly the serving staff not caring to get the correct food to the correct person (all over the dining room) she didn't seem to get it, or to care.
For all the money we're paying them every month, they had better care about feeding them well!!! I think that all other caregivers there are marvelous, but it bothers me that Mom and Dad had to ask me to get them sandwich making supplies.
I wonder how many aged parents have a copy of their DNR (do not resuscitate) order stuck on the fridge door in the kitchen? My beloved mother-in-law, who seems to have a close call at least once a year, has that announcement where everyone can see it, just in case. We didn't think she would make it back from the last one a few months ago, but is now getting around her house on a walker with her external plumbing hitched to it, doing just fine (with 24 hour care) and is enviably alert mentally. She'll be 93 in a few more months and looks good for plenty more. Her grandchildren regard her as a goddess and her own children are simply in awe. She is a treasure.
Closure related nonsense in one home and covid-related Closure to Admissions in the other.
AP starts an interim placement pit-stop in another nearby home tomorrow, just in time for lunch! Staying there until the new home is opened for admissions, possibly a week or so.
AP’s helpful nature has now evaporated and they are being very polite or asleep!
I am completely knackered, one of our phones has now quite literally broken due to overuse, but (of need) I am swiftly becoming tech savy !
Hurrah!
Yesterday I was doing some much needed clearing in my study and found a short handwritten note which I had obviously not sent. (It has now gone for recycling.)
Dear ******
When I agreed to offer my study for Mrs ** to be discharged to, it was on condition, as you had stated, that she would have continuing care in place. I am now told that continuing care has been removed ,,,,,,
I can't now remember how I finished, but clearly they continued to renege on the agreement, and I was stuck.
What a complete pain @Ethne Alba . Hope the interim home is OK, and your aged AP gets to the proper one not too far into the future.
My husband has just had a long call with one of his sisters. The care company looking after his mum think that her needs are becoming too great for care at home They've called out the GP to check her over tomorrow, much to the annoyance of other sister and brother who want their mum to stay at home. The siblings are having a family conference by zoom this evening. I imagine that things could get a little heated.
I was talking to my father last night. He is 12 on the waiting list for an aortic replacement so surgery should be in 6-7 weeks. He has been referred to another specialist because they have found a node on one of his lungs.
@Sarasa , oh er…. As you know the family’s wishes are sometimes overruled , well that is too blunt. Sorry. But it does feel like that is being said.
In our case it was put to us that , it was no longer in APs best interests to remain in their own home. Plus (even more bluntly) that no care company could possibly ensure APs safety.
Put like That.
It became obvious.
I think we left it too late
I am quite certain APs dignity was compromised by allowing AP to continue to make choices when AP could not
And we were too blind to see what was in front of our faces
But oh how difficult for You to see but be unable to effect change of mind. Yet.
Thanks @Ethne Alba , the conclusion reached this morning is that mother in law is no longer safe at home and needs to move a care home My brother in law, who has devoted the last ten years plus of his life to being his mother's carer is very upset. My husband, who knows it is the sensible option isn't happy either. There is another family conference on Sunday to thrash things through. I think the family hope they can take a few weeks of making a decision. I have a feeling that if the care company were so concerned they called the GP out without asking the family they will be expecting a move much sooner than that.
This sounds like an emergency admission is being looked at. That does not mean your AP will be sent to a home. What it means is your AP will be admitted to a senior care hospital where a thorough assessment and attempts to stabilise your AP will be undertaken. This is however an interim solution but usually takes 6 weeks or more. However, the family have lost the chance to decide the type of care. The chances are that at the end of their time in hospital a case conference will be called at which family may be present but do not participate in the making of the final decision. You will then be told what sort of accommodation your AP may be discharged to and given the opportunity to find it. In our case, it was to a nursing home and we were given a list of possible ones. We chose the one my Dad was most likely to be able to get to although we both felt Mum would otherwise have preferred another home.
Hi @Jengie Jon, I'm not quite sure we're at that stage yet. Mother in law is pretty stable just needs far more care than can be provided at home without a team of live in carers. My brother in law who sees her a few times a day but doesn't live there would have been the one to be told first of all that his mother can't stay at home. He then told his elder sister, who told my husband who told me, so I don't know quite what's been lost over the re-tellings. I know elder sister thinks they can ask for six extra weeks from the care company to find somewhere. I'm pretty sure the company will expect things to move faster than that, and may well be flagging up that an emergency placement is needed. @jedijudy , I hope you got your parents' assisted living facility to up their game as regards food. That really isn't good enough.
Sigh. We all cope and everything carries on. Until we don’t and it doesn’t. Prayers wafting.
I sure wish that the actual workings of UK social services in these situations were Properly Explained, upfront. Of late I am hearing too many cases of outraged families and overworked and exasperated professionals.
Last week we were caught on the hop and AP is on an interim placement in an ‘interesting’ home, firmly in England still. We are in All Saints so I will content myself with admitting to be ‘unhappy’ with the decision. Tbh though? Can’t see what else could have been done. But the whole sorry situation is Very Annoying Indeed. For us.
It is also very annoying indeed for thousands of people up and down the land- assured by care providers that our loved ones, not only Can but Will, be looked after in their own homes. Only to discover that a whole tranche of folk cannot and sooner rather than later Will not.
And I know this is about APs and not the professionals, but from what I have seen in the past month the professionals are between a rock and a hard place.
So sorry to hear this, @Ethne Alba . You are so right - there comes a time when many APs are simply not safe in their own homes; they represent a danger to themselves, and quite possibly to other people. No-one wants it to be this way, the APs themselves most/least of all - but it is what it is.
Hang on in there, we're all on your side. That's what we do.
Basic information has apparently not been handed over. And for the family it is a tough call between being very diplomatic and raising merry hell.
Plus always at the weekend
End goals need to be kept in sight, but my patience is being sorely tested. Other family members on the ground there are completely shredded.
My body feels like a compression chamber and other family members likewise.
If the home Here can just be Covid free by mid next week? Failing that, think the long term home will have to be somewhere else totally. As AP most certainly cannot remain where they are.
Only
Did I mention
We don’t have Power of Attorney ( PoA)for health and care, wasn’t a thing when PoA was drawn up and couldn’t amend later. So actually a social worker could decide everything.
Oh golly @Ethne Alba , I hope things do get sorted by next week. I think even without POA Social Workers should listen to you, though of course they may not. Have you looked at the Dementia Talking Point forum? It's a very good place to let off steam.
My husband has gone to see his mum today, and later on this afternoon the siblings are having another family zoom conference. Not sure what the latest think is.
I've been in contact with the most likely of the local homes here for my mother and hoe to go and have a chat with them next week. I need to visit a couple of others to make sure I'm making a sensible decision if I do decide to move her.
Oh dear @Sarasa and @ Ethne Alba , things never go smoothly when Social Services are concerned. Prayers for you both wafting wherever prayers go to.
As an AP myself I am increasingly thankful my mental capacity for simple living is not damaged, and that wills, POAs and everything legal is done dusted and easily found.
And even f I do try and put the kettle in the Tea cupoard, no one will know!
One of my great aunts had one of those wall-mounted loose tea dispensers which you never see nowadays. She was settling down for her last cuppa of the day, poured the tea-pot, and, instead of tea, it was just hot water. She was convinced that she remembered using the tea-dispenser, and worried all night that she was loosing her marbles.
It wasn't until the following morning, when she emptied her hot water bottle, that she realised that there was nothing wrong with her memory - she had used the dispenser. She'd just dispensed the tea leaves into her hot water bottle instead of her tea-pot.
That is so tough @Ethne Alba . If the new home is going to be the right forever I guess just hanging on till they are open is the way to go. Otherwise maybe it's time to look at other options.
I went to look at a place near here for mum today. Very impressed with it, so seriously considering moving her. I'm going to look at one more over the next few days and then if I still feel the same way start organising moving her. That is going to be tricky, but I guess it can be done.
Do you have any timescale for the NewHome reopening to admissions, Ethne Alba? It's such a difficult situation, wanting to actively improve matters, but being thwarted.
As matters now stand, we have a two week window where Nothing is going to happen. And in one way that is great, as what was originally going to be A Day Or Two is now at least two weeks. So no excuses.
Matters are looking far more sensible where AP is now. Everyone involved needs a two week break tbh and AP needs a two week break from daily testing!
It is not an ideal situation, but maybe even dull old me can see God’s hand at work in spite of all the messes
We are having to start complaints process. So excuse me if I don’t go into Any detail at all.
Utterly hate being in this situation. It ‘s all depressingly avoidable.
Thing is, with bad care no-one is a winner.
Prayers for my poor ole AP please, bewilderingly stuck in a place where ever increasing disaster is unfolding by the day. They are being stoical, but…..
Comments
I had a surprise call from a social worker tonight regarding my mum. She's going in to see her on Monday regarding renewing or otherwise her Deprivation of Liberty Safeguarding order. When it was put in place in June 2019 mum was very adamant she didn't want to be in the home, even though Social Services and I thought it was the best place for her. I thought the Social Worker and I agreed I could be her representative even though I couldn't agree that she could go home. Turns out there has been a paid representative from the council doing it since that date that I knew nothing about. Social worker is phoning me back on Wednesday to discuss further after she's seen mum. That will be interesting.
In other news the transfer itself looks to be very straightforward, for which I give great and heartfelt thanks!
Social worker phoned last week, right on the dot which please me. I will become mum's representative. Nothing really changes, but at least it'll mean I'll get to see what they thought of her cognition etc when they assessed her.
After tomorrow things quieten down a lot so I'm going to start investigating the possibility of a move near me more seriously.
Moving AP at this VeryInterestingCovidTime is eminently possible, but having the totally unexpected countdown to closure as well has been A Right Royal Pain In The Proverbial.
Different terminology cross border was …. Interesting.
And uncertainty surrounding level of care required just held Everything up. Whilst each individual person has been ok- Systems! Beset as this sector is with Their Own Supreme System that obvs doesn’t fit with anyone else’s! Exasperation has been expressed. By everyone. And with good cause.
But in short my AP is arriving in Scotland next week!
AP will be delivered into the arms of a competent, caring, no nonsense care home manager. And were it not for them…. professionals and family alike might still be stumbling in circles.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings. We have felt less alone.
@Sarasa , actually Seeing an assessment is always helpful. Gosh . Possible changes ahead then.
Dad, who could be very awkward indeed. met up with such a Manager and it made a big difference. It became obvious that they both respected each other and his stay went more smoothly than I had dared hope.
Now my busy week is behind me I'm starting to do some preliminary research into moving mum up here. At least I now have a better idea of what to look for in a new care home.
I called the manager of the facility and left a voice message. No reply. I asked to speak to her in person at the front desk, was told she was in a meeting and would call back. Didn't happen. Friday, when I took the groceries to Mom and Dad's apartment, I was allowed into the manager's office and I showed her that I brought food because my APs weren't getting what they order and sometimes have nothing to eat with. She said she would talk to the kitchen staff. (I had already done that.) When I told her it's mostly the serving staff not caring to get the correct food to the correct person (all over the dining room) she didn't seem to get it, or to care.
For all the money we're paying them every month, they had better care about feeding them well!!! I think that all other caregivers there are marvelous, but it bothers me that Mom and Dad had to ask me to get them sandwich making supplies.
@Sarasa just so long as you have sight of that assessment and can get present and potential care home managers chatting together, should be ok.
It is Very Odd tho to be choosing homes without visiting them properly ….
Sadly it upset the cleaner, upset the shower superviser and upset the gardener . Upset a member of the family as well apparently.
“I shall have to hope that any unexpected ambulance crew use their common sense then” They said.
I just didn’t feel the need to contradict them.
Closure related nonsense in one home and covid-related Closure to Admissions in the other.
AP starts an interim placement pit-stop in another nearby home tomorrow, just in time for lunch! Staying there until the new home is opened for admissions, possibly a week or so.
AP’s helpful nature has now evaporated and they are being very polite or asleep!
I am completely knackered, one of our phones has now quite literally broken due to overuse, but (of need) I am swiftly becoming tech savy !
Hurrah!
Dear ******
When I agreed to offer my study for Mrs ** to be discharged to, it was on condition, as you had stated, that she would have continuing care in place. I am now told that continuing care has been removed ,,,,,,
I can't now remember how I finished, but clearly they continued to renege on the agreement, and I was stuck.
My husband has just had a long call with one of his sisters. The care company looking after his mum think that her needs are becoming too great for care at home They've called out the GP to check her over tomorrow, much to the annoyance of other sister and brother who want their mum to stay at home. The siblings are having a family conference by zoom this evening. I imagine that things could get a little heated.
@Sarasa , oh er…. As you know the family’s wishes are sometimes overruled , well that is too blunt. Sorry. But it does feel like that is being said.
In our case it was put to us that , it was no longer in APs best interests to remain in their own home. Plus (even more bluntly) that no care company could possibly ensure APs safety.
Put like That.
It became obvious.
I think we left it too late
I am quite certain APs dignity was compromised by allowing AP to continue to make choices when AP could not
And we were too blind to see what was in front of our faces
But oh how difficult for You to see but be unable to effect change of mind. Yet.
This sounds like an emergency admission is being looked at. That does not mean your AP will be sent to a home. What it means is your AP will be admitted to a senior care hospital where a thorough assessment and attempts to stabilise your AP will be undertaken. This is however an interim solution but usually takes 6 weeks or more. However, the family have lost the chance to decide the type of care. The chances are that at the end of their time in hospital a case conference will be called at which family may be present but do not participate in the making of the final decision. You will then be told what sort of accommodation your AP may be discharged to and given the opportunity to find it. In our case, it was to a nursing home and we were given a list of possible ones. We chose the one my Dad was most likely to be able to get to although we both felt Mum would otherwise have preferred another home.
@jedijudy , I hope you got your parents' assisted living facility to up their game as regards food. That really isn't good enough.
I sure wish that the actual workings of UK social services in these situations were Properly Explained, upfront. Of late I am hearing too many cases of outraged families and overworked and exasperated professionals.
Last week we were caught on the hop and AP is on an interim placement in an ‘interesting’ home, firmly in England still. We are in All Saints so I will content myself with admitting to be ‘unhappy’ with the decision. Tbh though? Can’t see what else could have been done. But the whole sorry situation is Very Annoying Indeed. For us.
It is also very annoying indeed for thousands of people up and down the land- assured by care providers that our loved ones, not only Can but Will, be looked after in their own homes. Only to discover that a whole tranche of folk cannot and sooner rather than later Will not.
And I know this is about APs and not the professionals, but from what I have seen in the past month the professionals are between a rock and a hard place.
And yes, I am both cross and upset. Apologies.
Hang on in there, we're all on your side. That's what we do.
Basic information has apparently not been handed over. And for the family it is a tough call between being very diplomatic and raising merry hell.
Plus always at the weekend
End goals need to be kept in sight, but my patience is being sorely tested. Other family members on the ground there are completely shredded.
My body feels like a compression chamber and other family members likewise.
If the home Here can just be Covid free by mid next week? Failing that, think the long term home will have to be somewhere else totally. As AP most certainly cannot remain where they are.
Only
Did I mention
We don’t have Power of Attorney ( PoA)for health and care, wasn’t a thing when PoA was drawn up and couldn’t amend later. So actually a social worker could decide everything.
I could cheerfully go into the street and scream
My husband has gone to see his mum today, and later on this afternoon the siblings are having another family zoom conference. Not sure what the latest think is.
I've been in contact with the most likely of the local homes here for my mother and hoe to go and have a chat with them next week. I need to visit a couple of others to make sure I'm making a sensible decision if I do decide to move her.
As an AP myself I am increasingly thankful my mental capacity for simple living is not damaged, and that wills, POAs and everything legal is done dusted and easily found.
And even f I do try and put the kettle in the Tea cupoard, no one will know!
And as for any tea pot issues? We are not telling!
It wasn't until the following morning, when she emptied her hot water bottle, that she realised that there was nothing wrong with her memory - she had used the dispenser. She'd just dispensed the tea leaves into her hot water bottle instead of her tea-pot.
Yeah, pretty much. That sums it up for so many. Mine waft on too for you all.
(My AP is beginning to thing she's getting older and may one day consider ....blah blah blah ... in lucid moments).
TemporaryHome is Far from ideal for AP.
Between a rock and a hard place
I went to look at a place near here for mum today. Very impressed with it, so seriously considering moving her. I'm going to look at one more over the next few days and then if I still feel the same way start organising moving her. That is going to be tricky, but I guess it can be done.
As matters now stand, we have a two week window where Nothing is going to happen. And in one way that is great, as what was originally going to be A Day Or Two is now at least two weeks. So no excuses.
Matters are looking far more sensible where AP is now. Everyone involved needs a two week break tbh and AP needs a two week break from daily testing!
It is not an ideal situation, but maybe even dull old me can see God’s hand at work in spite of all the messes
<votive> for all with APs to care for/about!
We are having to start complaints process. So excuse me if I don’t go into Any detail at all.
Utterly hate being in this situation. It ‘s all depressingly avoidable.
Thing is, with bad care no-one is a winner.
Prayers for my poor ole AP please, bewilderingly stuck in a place where ever increasing disaster is unfolding by the day. They are being stoical, but…..