He also wondered if the residents of Nigeria were Nigerians, the residents of America were Americans, did this make the residents of Jericho Jerry Cans?
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!
You'll be a lot happier and live longer!
In certain circles the celebration of Mass is pronounced Maass (long A) like the Dutch river. I have never understood wny, or what it signifies. But no doubt this topic belongs elsewhere.
In certain circles the celebration of Mass is pronounced Maass (long A) like the Dutch river. I have never understood wny, or what it signifies. But no doubt this topic belongs elsewhere.
Very Irish. I spent a couple of years of primary school ( 1960-1) being taught by Irish nuns & took the pronunciation back to Oz in 1962. It was ironed out pretty smartly after the hoots of laughter from oz nuns ( an Irish order originally) & peers….
Back to jokes of a sort.
A man had the left side of his car painted red, the right side blue. His friend said it looked a bit strange. 'Yes,' said the car-owner, 'but you should just hear the witnesses contradicttinng each other!'
A mate of mine took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.
The presenter got all excited. "Ooh!" he said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the end of the 19th century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
My mate said, "Sticks?"
I'll never forget how happy I was when
I saw my missus walking down the aisle
My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable !!!
It seemed to take an age but eventually
there she was stood beside me ❤️❤️
I gave her a cheeky wink and said.
"Get that trolley over here love, they're
doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2
I am starting a new restaurant.
My featured dish
will be curry on chips.
It will be called
Curry on my wayward spud.
And yes there will be
peas when you are done.
I am starting a new restaurant.
My featured dish
will be curry on chips.
It will be called
Curry on my wayward spud.
And yes there will be
peas when you are done.
Kinda get it ... but don't know (forgive my ignorance) the original you are lampooning. Could you enlighten?
I am starting a new restaurant.
My featured dish
will be curry on chips.
It will be called
Curry on my wayward spud.
And yes there will be
peas when you are done.
Kinda get it ... but don't know (forgive my ignorance) the original you are lampooning. Could you enlighten?
Comes from the song by the rock group Kansas in 1976. Reached Platinum in the UK
King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
Comments
I had to read that quite carefully....!
Tell them there's a vaccine for the effects of chemtrails.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!
You'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Of course those of us in a certain country west of the pond pronounce it right.
In certain quarters in UK (those educated in certain expensive independent schools) "ass" asn "arse" are pronounced the same (long "ah" as in "arse").
Very Irish. I spent a couple of years of primary school ( 1960-1) being taught by Irish nuns & took the pronunciation back to Oz in 1962. It was ironed out pretty smartly after the hoots of laughter from oz nuns ( an Irish order originally) & peers….
I thought it was just your high heels...
I can't get my tongue round my rs ...
I don't think the A in ass is ever long. I grew up in the South (I repented) with Glahss and Cahstle and Grahss but the animal was an ass.
A man had the left side of his car painted red, the right side blue. His friend said it looked a bit strange. 'Yes,' said the car-owner, 'but you should just hear the witnesses contradicttinng each other!'
Beccause they both deal with soles and eels!
The old ones are the best.
But not any more.
I'm an extractor fan.
(stolen from our vicar this morning)
I have told them that I am not happy and they can forget about it but I want my £1 back !!!
All credit to her!
The presenter got all excited. "Ooh!" he said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the end of the 19th century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
My mate said, "Sticks?"
He was outstanding in his field.
Buddha: Selecting all the images with stairs.
That's the definition of an Irish farmer: a man out standing in his own field.
It turned into a field.
I saw my missus walking down the aisle
My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable !!!
It seemed to take an age but eventually
there she was stood beside me ❤️❤️
I gave her a cheeky wink and said.
"Get that trolley over here love, they're
doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2
If you would like to pop yourself on the couch I'll come and examine you.
"I'm not allowed on the couch".
Tangent: don't you hate it when medical staff say "pop" yourself/up there? So patronising.
My featured dish
will be curry on chips.
It will be called
Curry on my wayward spud.
And yes there will be
peas when you are done.
My Grandad always used to say, “When one door closes another one opens”. He was a great man, but a terrible cabinet maker.
Kinda get it ... but don't know (forgive my ignorance) the original you are lampooning. Could you enlighten?
When one door closes another one opens. I had an Austin Allegro like that.
Comes from the song by the rock group Kansas in 1976. Reached Platinum in the UK
https://youtu.be/P5ZJui3aPoQ
That's just pressing your luck.
That's pushing your luck!
Down on your luck.