Q: Why does beer go through you so fast?
A: It doesn't have to change color.
I’d be very worried if the decent ale that I drink came out the same colour
Too right. Although it's getting harder to find them these days. Being pushed out by craft beer influenced pale stuff that doesn't taste of beer any more
But I digress.
This bloke from Glasgow dies. His two drinking buddies find his Will stipulates he's to be buried with a bottle of single malt.
They stand at the graveside with this bottle in their hands. They're about to throw it in when one says "Hey, d'yee think he'd mind if we gav it a wee swill roond oor kidneys furst?"
In the case of certain American beers, like PBR and Coors Light, you'd probably feel better if you cut out the imbibing phase and tip it straight from the can into the toilet.
No offence intended G49, As a Brit, I am frequently thrown by US referenes to e.g. Trump disparaging vet, which seem to have nothing to do with aanimal care.
I thought the word was, 'dogey', not 'doggie'. A dogey is (I think) a calf.
The song, 'We're heading for the last roundup', which includes this line, was memorably used in 'Bilko goes South', one of my favourite episodes BTW.
I thought the word was, 'dogey', not 'doggie'. A dogey is (I think) a calf.
The song, 'We're heading for the last roundup', which includes this line, was memorably used in 'Bilko goes South', one of my favourite episodes BTW.
The word in the song is indeed dogey. The joke is that dogey and doggie sound a little bit alike (one with a long o, one with a short o).
If they sounded exactly alike, it probably wouldn’t have qualified for the Bad Jokes thread.
I thought the word was, 'dogey', not 'doggie'. A dogey is (I think) a calf.
The song, 'We're heading for the last roundup', which includes this line, was memorably used in 'Bilko goes South', one of my favourite episodes BTW.
The word in the song is indeed dogey. The joke is that dogey and doggie sound a little bit alike (one with a long o, one with a short o).
If they sounded exactly alike, it probably wouldn’t have qualified for the Bad Jokes thread.
Ah, there was me thinking the similarity of 'along' and 'a long' was the nub of the joke ....
But it is a good bad joke, whatever.
A sinner asked a saint how he became so holy.
The saint replied, "Two Words."
"What are the two words?" asked the sinner.
"Good Choices." was the reply.
"How do you make good choices?" the sinner asked.
"One Word." said the saint.
"What is the one word?"
"Growth."
"How do you grow?"
"Two words," said the saint.
The sinner asked, "What are the two words?"
"Bad choices."
It takes seven seconds for a piece of food to go from the mouth to the stomach when swallowed. A single strand of human hair can hold 3kg. A man's erect penis is three times larger than his thumb. A femur is harder than concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man. A woman blinks twice as fast as a man. It takes 300 muscles to stand up. A woman can read this whole paragraph in seven seconds. A man is still looking at his thumb.
An Englishman buys a small-holding in North Wales. One day a hen wanders in from his neighbour's plot and lays an egg.
The Welshman follows the hen through the hedge to collect the egg. The English fella asks him what he's doing.
'I'm collecting my egg,' he replies.
'But it's my land,' says the Englishman.
'But it's my hen,' protests the Welshman.
'That's irrelevant. It laid the egg on my land,' insists the officious Englishman.
The argument goes back and forth until the Welshman says, 'Look, let's settle this the Welsh way ...'
'What's that?'
'Well, we each bend down with our legs apart and the other comes up behind and kicks the other in the goolies. We keep this up until one shouts out the loudest and whoever makes the most noise loses the egg.'
The Englishman grudgingly accepts and the when the lot drawn goes against him, turns, bends and spreads his legs to endure the first kick.
Wham! The Welshman's boot catches him right between the legs.
He clenches his teeth, determined not to cry out in agony. 'Shhffffffffff!!!'
He turns and slowly straightens up, eyes watering.
'Right, my turn now ...'
'No, it's alright bwt,' the Welshman says. 'You can keep the egg.'
An Englishman buys a small-holding in North Wales. One day a hen wanders in from his neighbour's plot and lays an egg.
The Welshman follows the hen through the hedge to collect the egg. The English fella asks him what he's doing.
'I'm collecting my egg,' he replies.
'But it's my land,' says the Englishman.
'But it's my hen,' protests the Welshman.
'That's irrelevant. It laid the egg on my land,' insists the officious Englishman.
The argument goes back and forth until the Welshman says, 'Look, let's settle this the Welsh way ...'
'What's that?'
'Well, we each bend down with our legs apart and the other comes up behind and kicks the other in the goolies. We keep this up until one shouts out the loudest and whoever makes the most noise loses the egg.'
The Englishman grudgingly accepts and the when the lot drawn goes against him, turns, bends and spreads his legs to endure the first kick.
Wham! The Welshman's boot catches him right between the legs.
He clenches his teeth, determined not to cry out in agony. 'Shhffffffffff!!!'
He turns and slowly straightens up, eyes watering.
'Right, my turn now ...'
'No, it's alright bwt,' the Welshman says. 'You can keep the egg.'
An Englishman buys a small-holding in North Wales. One day a hen wanders in from his neighbour's plot and lays an egg.
The Welshman follows the hen through the hedge to collect the egg. The English fella asks him what he's doing.
'I'm collecting my egg,' he replies.
'But it's my land,' says the Englishman.
'But it's my hen,' protests the Welshman.
'That's irrelevant. It laid the egg on my land,' insists the officious Englishman.
The argument goes back and forth until the Welshman says, 'Look, let's settle this the Welsh way ...'
'What's that?'
'Well, we each bend down with our legs apart and the other comes up behind and kicks the other in the goolies. We keep this up until one shouts out the loudest and whoever makes the most noise loses the egg.'
The Englishman grudgingly accepts and the when the lot drawn goes against him, turns, bends and spreads his legs to endure the first kick.
Wham! The Welshman's boot catches him right between the legs.
He clenches his teeth, determined not to cry out in agony. 'Shhffffffffff!!!'
He turns and slowly straightens up, eyes watering.
'Right, my turn now ...'
'No, it's alright bwt,' the Welshman says. 'You can keep the egg.'
Comments
Too right. Although it's getting harder to find them these days. Being pushed out by craft beer influenced pale stuff that doesn't taste of beer any more
But I digress.
This bloke from Glasgow dies. His two drinking buddies find his Will stipulates he's to be buried with a bottle of single malt.
They stand at the graveside with this bottle in their hands. They're about to throw it in when one says "Hey, d'yee think he'd mind if we gav it a wee swill roond oor kidneys furst?"
I would not know.
Love it.
He was dressed like a goalkeeper so I sent him the wrong way.
Love it 😀
Go to thhe vet (US shpmates: veterinarian, not veteran) for some oinkment.
@Eirenist, you didn't really have to explain what you meant to us Americans. We use the same term. The context explains it.
In case he got a hole in one.
Thanks, I can find my own way out.
My foot.
I didn't want to go but someone twisted my arm.
Eh?
Definitely - pee-er review
and PR review!
Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no particular reason.
The song, 'We're heading for the last roundup', which includes this line, was memorably used in 'Bilko goes South', one of my favourite episodes BTW.
The word in the song is indeed dogey. The joke is that dogey and doggie sound a little bit alike (one with a long o, one with a short o).
If they sounded exactly alike, it probably wouldn’t have qualified for the Bad Jokes thread.
Ah, there was me thinking the similarity of 'along' and 'a long' was the nub of the joke ....
But it is a good bad joke, whatever.
Client: Pull my shoe?
Skydiving Instructor: No, pull your parachute.
(Later)
Coroner: Where are his shoes?
I will always remember his last words.
He said, "Stop shaking the ladder"
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
The security card at the card shop can't half run fast!
The saint replied, "Two Words."
"What are the two words?" asked the sinner.
"Good Choices." was the reply.
"How do you make good choices?" the sinner asked.
"One Word." said the saint.
"What is the one word?"
"Growth."
"How do you grow?"
"Two words," said the saint.
The sinner asked, "What are the two words?"
"Bad choices."
- who are on a sliding scale.
It was a real shindig.
***
A bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve time-travellers here."
A time-traveller walks into the bar.
is it Salmon Chanted Evening?
Do you know why trees can't watch horror movies?
When they do they become petrified.
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
(sings) Sam and Janet evening...
It was one ting after another.
The Welshman follows the hen through the hedge to collect the egg. The English fella asks him what he's doing.
'I'm collecting my egg,' he replies.
'But it's my land,' says the Englishman.
'But it's my hen,' protests the Welshman.
'That's irrelevant. It laid the egg on my land,' insists the officious Englishman.
The argument goes back and forth until the Welshman says, 'Look, let's settle this the Welsh way ...'
'What's that?'
'Well, we each bend down with our legs apart and the other comes up behind and kicks the other in the goolies. We keep this up until one shouts out the loudest and whoever makes the most noise loses the egg.'
The Englishman grudgingly accepts and the when the lot drawn goes against him, turns, bends and spreads his legs to endure the first kick.
Wham! The Welshman's boot catches him right between the legs.
He clenches his teeth, determined not to cry out in agony. 'Shhffffffffff!!!'
He turns and slowly straightens up, eyes watering.
'Right, my turn now ...'
'No, it's alright bwt,' the Welshman says. 'You can keep the egg.'
(I told you it was bad)
Brilliant, I laughed out loud 🤣
Only bad for the Englishman